The act of cuckolding is still considered taboo, even within the kink community. Writer Stella Harris delves into a fantasy of submission and humiliation.
 

In a society where monogamy is the norm, and jealousy is treated as a sign of how much you care, open relationships, polyamory, and swinging are outliers. But those aren’t the only fantasies or lifestyles that fall outside of the dominant paradigm.

Cuckolding is also a common fantasy and doesn’t stay just in the realm of porn and erotica. Despite it being taboo, many people are acting out this desire in their own lives.
 

What is cuckolding?

If you haven’t heard of it before, cuckolding, generally, refers to a man - the cuckold - being cheated on by his wife. But that fails to capture the nuance. Like all BDSM, what moves cuckolding into the world of kink is that it is done consensually, with the full knowledge of all parties involved. In fact, it often happens at the request of the cuck — the man being “cheated on” or left out.
 

So what’s the appeal of cuckolding?

Like everything to do with human sexuality and psychology, the appeal is complicated. I turned to an online group focused on cuckolding and put out a call for people willing to answer a few questions. The response was immediate. Dozens of people across genders and sexualities reached out to talk about their experiences. These included people who had kept it in the realm of fantasy to those who had decades of experience in real life.

One strong theme among the people who responded to my inquiry was that of submission and humiliation. Joe says, “I really like the submissive aspects of [cuckolding] and the humiliation. It's a rush knowing you can't satisfy your wife, so she's turning to another man.” But he goes on to say, “Like so many things, the fantasy doesn't always line up with the reality. What matters is that we've found a way to engage in this lifestyle that is enjoyable for all parties involved.”
 

A female fantasy too

Although cuckolding is often considered primarily a male fantasy, there are exceptions. Miss Zelly says, “As a polyamorous Dominant female, cuckolding made a great deal of sense to me. It is subversive to vanilla status quo expectations of what 'a good woman' does and is, therefore, liberating and empowering.”

Another woman, Wicked Maggie, says, “After my divorce, I had no desire to enter into any kind of monogamous arrangement or to follow traditional relationship models. So when [my partner] described cuckolding to me, I was intrigued that the idea seemed to fit what I desired.”

Cuckold. Man and two women in sensual pose.
Exploring cuckolding
 

A taboo in both the swinging and kink scenes

It will come as no surprise that people into cuckolding have the same struggles as anyone else looking for a third party for a threesome or other arrangement. When both sides of the couple have particular desires or requirements that involve a taboo, it becomes twice as hard to find a partner.

JC told me about an 18-month relationship he was in where he and his partner explored cuckolding fantasies at length. However, they never found a suitable bull (the term used for the man who guests stars.) Not to be deterred, JC and his partner did the best they could with what they had. They used dildos as a stand-in, along with dirty talk and humiliation to bring their fantasy to life.
 

Similarities with polyamory

As more themes emerged, I was surprised to see so many similarities with polyamory. People spoke of cuckolding strengthening their relationship and improving communication within the primary couple. According to Spank, “To be a committed cuckold one has to adopt the view that love transcends sex.”

NookieNotes explained further, saying, “It's made it more intimate, more trusting, more loving. The experiences we have shared have brought us so much closer together. Moreover, they have given our relationship a depth that neither of us has had before, and shown us that there is no threat to our relationship from without.” And Joe said, “I know it's cliche, but it's helped improve our communication with each other.”

Cuckolding is getting more media attention these days, as a variety of lifestyles are coming further out of the closet. And as with so many things once considered outside what is normal or acceptable, people who practice cuckolding aren’t so different from people with any other fetish, or any other open relationship style.

 

Stella Harris is an author, educator, and coach who focuses on sex, kink, and intimacy. Through her writing and teaching she explores the complex world of love and lust and strives to help people explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. You can learn more about Stella on her website, stellaharris.net or follow her on Twitter @stellaerotica.

 

Join in the cuckold discussion in our BDSM forum.

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Images: model released from Shutterstock.com

 

 

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Pml79

Posted

On 11/5/2018 at 4:48 AM, Harryandnicci said:

Any bulls feel free to get in touch with us please

Hello are you still looming for a bull ?

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Harryandnicci

Posted

Any bulls feel free to get in touch with us please

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Subdomstew

Posted

On 10/12/2018 at 9:26 AM, Mistress77144 said:

I am a mistress seeking for a loyal and obedient slave to own as my Private property so kindly feel free to message me if you are interested in been own by me

 

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Mistress77144

Posted

I am a mistress seeking for a loyal and obedient slave to own as my Private property so kindly feel free to message me if you are interested in been own by me
  • Like 2

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Posted

Want a Mistress to take me and fuck a guy in front of me

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MicroCockCuckold

Posted

Firwitch i think maybe they arent a "reader"

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Firewitch

Posted

You're asking on the peanut cock thread 🤣🤣🤣🔥
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PlsGiveMeAnal

Posted

I’m horny and am looking for someone to give me anal, I’m a guy and dm me for more

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MicroCockCuckold

Posted

Very good however the cuckold dynamic is for me a very misunderstood kink by tbe general nedia. Been my life on and off for 20 plus years.
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SubOptimalTom

Posted

It scratches the surface, but properly. I very much appreciate the article.
The fetish gets such a bad vibe and gets so distorted in its outwardly apparent nature due to badly staged and acted porn and shallow masturbatory literature, so it is refreshing to read a serious take on it that takes it as face value and recognises the structures or trust and consent that are incorporated into it, just like any other fetish.

The dynamics and psychology behind it go a lot deeper though, so there is plenty more to explore!
I do understand that this would have strained the scope of an article and it's not easy to wrap your head around some things, since they are so contrary and nuanced compared to societal norms and customs.

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Guest

Posted

An outstanding share! I've just forwarded this onto a friend who was doing a little homework on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast due to the fact that I found it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending time to discuss this issue here on your blog.

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Guest

Posted

Having read this I thought it was rather enlightening. I appreciate you finding the time and effort to put this article together. I once again find myself spending a significant amount of time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

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Guest

Posted

Hello there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Going through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I'll send this information to him. Fairly certain he's going to have a very good read. Many thanks for sharing!

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Guest

Posted

WAs disappointed at the depth of the article. Little more, of that than a dictionary definition.

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