Often, we see subs new to the BDSM scene looking for experienced Dominants. But how common is it for seasoned subs to seek out and guide inexperienced Dom/mes? This week, one of our members asks our resident BDSM advice columnist Molly Moore just that. Find out what she says... 


Dear Molly,
Do experienced subs ever seek out new Dom/mes and guide them? And do you have any tips for the inexperienced Dom/me in seeking out a sub?
Jon215

 

A picture of Molly Moore. BDSM TipsHi Jon
Thanks for this interesting question. In general, I think being inexperienced whether Dom or sub, can be challenging and potentially make you vulnerable to people taking advantage. So, my overarching piece of advice to anyone who is new on the kink scene is to take things slowly.

The aim is not to rush into a relationship with someone, but take time to get to know to them - find out if there's a real connection before jumping in too deep - just like you would with vanilla dating.

However, looking more directly at your first question; Do experienced subs ever seek out newly-fresh Dom/mes and guide them? I think the answer is that it's unlikely that anyone would do this intentionally and if they were specifically looking for an inexperienced person, I'd have to wonder why that might be. However, that doesn't mean that there aren't experienced submissives out there who would be happy to explore a potential relationship with an inexperienced Dom/me if they felt a good connection with that person. 

When my Dom and I first got together, I (the sub) was more experienced in many areas, but it didn't matter to me that he was inexperienced because I felt a strong and positive connection with him, and as Dom and sub, we set about learning about each other together.  
 

Develop your Dom and sub dynamic

In my opinion, when finding the right person, it's less about 'how to be a Dom/me' and more about is this person the right person for me? Am I attracted to them? Do they listen to me? Do we have things in common apart from kinky stuff?  It's those things that will become the bedrock for you to develop your kinky relationship together as Dom and sub. 

For your second question; Are there any tips for the inexperienced Dom/me in seeking out a sub? A great deal of what I've said above applies here too. Yes, you're looking for someone who fits with your Dominant nature, but you're also looking for a person that matches with you as a partner, not just as a potential for a Dom and sub relationship. So, always take time to tell others about who you are, not only as a Dom but in other aspects. Write a profile that reflects you as a whole person. 


dom and sub in bdsm scene
It's okay to show lack of experience when learning how to be a Dom with your sub. 
 

How to be a Dom?

When it comes to learning how to be a Dom, you need to discover what this means to you. What type of dominant are you? What is it about being Dominant that turns you on? It's also OK not to know the answer to these questions too, in which case be honest and say you're drawn to these ideas but want to explore how to be a Dom with someone with whom you feel a connection.

Concerning specific kinks, if you know what you like then express those too. But as mentioned above, it's okay to show a lack of experience and a desire to learn how to be a Dom and try things out with someone. 

Even if you don't have a partner it's possible to gain experience.  Do some research into kink in your local area and see if there are any Dom and sub training workshops. Often fetish fairs run workshops on a variety of topics and attending events like that can help you gain experience and widen your kinky social circle. 

Ultimately, the more open you are about who you are and what you want, coupled with getting out there and meeting other kinksters, the better your chances of not only finding someone, but finding the right person to explore and learn, as Dom and sub. 

Good luck! 
Mollyx


Looking for BDSM tips or advice?  Contact Molly via her Fetish.com profile or visit her thread in the BDSM Forum:gimp:

 Mollys BDSM Tips and Advice.  Ask Her!
Cover Image: model released from Shutterstock.com

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Redrider

Posted

I also did not look for an unexperienced dom, but I am doing my best to teach her. It could take ages, but as long as we trust each other, its all good.

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Rahul202

Posted

Yes i lik it
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