If you’ve never been to a fetish club or a bondage dungeon before, walking through the door for the first time can be a scary idea. However, even the BDSM club aficionados were newbies once too. Read on for some hints and tips that will make your first time go so smoothly you’ll soon be coming back for more. 
 

Before you go

  • Check the rules: Every establishment is different. Some places will have strict dress codes; others will be more casual. If you look this up before you go, you won’t have to worry about being knocked back at the door. If you’re unsure your planned outfit fits the bill, get in contact with the club; they’ll be happy to help.
     
  • Decide what to take: Some places will have lockers and other secure areas to keep your kit whereas others might not. It’s worth checking this out in advance, so you know what to take. Don’t worry! You don’t have to take any kit at all if you don’t want to. You can go for the first time and just be social. 
     
  • Plan your route: You don’t want to be late to the party, check where the venue is and how long it will take you to get there. This is especially important if you’re planning to meet someone there – don’t leave them hanging! 
     

Dungeon Etiquette

Every venue will have its own set of rules, be sure you read these or ask someone about them, so you know all the dos and don’ts and don’t accidentally break a rule you didn’t know about! There are a few rules that are universal to all clubs though. 

  • Never disturb a scene:  If you’re not part of it, don’t interrupt. This includes making sure you don’t walk into the path of an implement being swung or waving madly to get the attention of someone you know. 
     
  • Ask before watching: Casually walking past and glancing at a scene is fine but if you want to sit and watch, please ask before doing so. Wait for a suitable break in the scene to ask for permission to indulge your voyeuristic side and if the answer is no, move on. 
     
  • Consent is everything: A person may be in the middle of a crowd of people biting, stroking, and spanking them. Don’t just join in. You need explicit consent for any action before you do it. If in doubt, ask. 


Spanking BDSM
Remember, consent is everything...

When you visit somewhere for the first time, let the venue know. This way they will make sure someone is there to meet you and take you for a tour of the facilities. This way you can ask any of those niggling questions you might have to someone who will know the answers.  

When planning what to wear, go for something comfortable. Many venues will have somewhere for you to change, so you don’t have to ride the bus in all your fetish finery. If you’re not sure if there are changing rooms, wear something underneath your regular clothes. Then you can just whip your top layer off (a la Superman) when you arrive and store the discarded clothes in your kit bag. 

Be aware there is no expectation for you to join in the moment you arrive. You’re not going to be expected to strip off and join in if you don’t want to. You can go to an event and just observe and socialise. If you’re going as a single, this is probably the best plan for your first time. You’ll be able to get to know people and maybe plan some play for your next visit. 

If you’re going with someone else, be sure you spend some time talking to others. It can be very tempting just to spend time with the people you know, especially if you’re a bit nervous. Make an effort to talk to the others there. You’ll find out all kinds of interesting information about the club, and you may well make some new friends!  Also, if you go and play, don’t hog the equipment. There will be lots of people wanting to use the spanking benches, cages and crosses, be aware of that at all times. 
 

Sex Club Etiquette

Sex Club etiquette isn’t a mystery. Treat all the people you meet with respect and look after the equipment you use too. Clean down after your session, throw away rubbish and leave the space as you found it. Ask before borrowing anything. Some dungeons and clubs have kit you can borrow, and some kinksters are happy to lend out their implements but always ask before grabbing! 

Dungeons and fetish clubs are brilliant places to meet like-minded kinksters, to play with some fantastic equipment and become part of your local BDSM scene. And now you have all the information you need to make your very first visit. If you want to do more research, ask other users in our forum about their experiences? You could also check out our event listings to find fun things happening at your local dungeon! 

 

BDSM Forum | Fetish.com

Cover image:  A caged woman at the Sydney Mardi Gras with a consensual a Bill of Rights between master and slave. Photo: Suponac.  In-article: Exxxotica. Shawn Perez, Flickr Creative Commons.


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