If you've never been to a fetish club or a bondage dungeon before, walking through the door for the first time can be daunting. However, even die-hard regulars were newbies once too. Read on for some hints and tips that will make your first time go so smoothly that you'll soon be going back for more.
Before you go
- Check the rules: Every establishment is different. Some places will have strict dress codes; others will be more casual. If you look this up before you go, you won't have to worry about being knocked back at the door. If you're unsure that your planned outfit fits the bill, contact the club; they'll be happy to help.
- Decide what to take: Some places will have lockers and other secure areas to keep your kit, whereas others might not. It's worth checking this out in advance to know what to take. Don't worry! You don't have to take any kit if you don't want to. You can go for the first time and be social.
- Plan your route: You don't want to be late to the party; check where the venue is and how long it will take you to get there - this is especially important if you're planning to meet someone – don't leave them hanging!
Dungeon Etiquette
Every venue will have its own set of rules, be sure you read these or ask someone about them so you know all the do's and don'ts to avoid accidentally breaking a rule you didn't know about! There are a few rules that are universal to all clubs, though.
- Never disturb a scene: If you're not part of it, don't interrupt - this includes making sure you don't walk into the path of an implement being swung or waving madly to get the attention of someone you know.
- Ask before watching: Casually walking past and glancing at a scene is fine but if you want to sit and watch, please ask before doing so. Wait for a suitable break in the scene to ask for permission to indulge your voyeuristic side and if the answer is no, move on.
- Consent is everything: A person may be in the middle of a crowd of people biting, stroking, and spanking them. Don't just join in. You need explicit consent for any action before you do it. If in doubt, ask.
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Remember, consent is everything...
When you visit somewhere for the first time, it's a good idea to let the venue know. This way, they'll ensure someone is there to meet you and take you for a tour of the facilities. Also, you can ask any of those niggling questions you might have to someone who'll know the answers.
When planning what to wear, go for something comfortable. Many venues will have somewhere for you to change, so you don't have to ride the bus in all your fetish finery. If you're not sure if there are changing rooms, wear something underneath your regular clothes. Then you can whip your top layer off when you arrive and store the discarded clothes in your kit bag.
Be aware that you're not expected to join in something as soon as you arrive. Neither are you expected to strip off and join in if you don't want to. You can go to an event and observe and socialize. If you're going as a single, this is probably the best plan for your first time. You'll be able to get to know people and maybe plan some play for your next visit.
If you're going with someone else, be sure you spend some time talking to others. It can be very tempting to spend time with the people you know, especially if you're nervous. Make an effort to speak to the others there. You'll find all kinds of interesting information about the club, and you may make some new friends! Also, if you go and play, don't hog the equipment. There will be many people who want to use the spanking benches, cages, and crosses.
Respect and play
Dungeon and fetish club etiquette isn't a mystery. Treat all the people you meet with respect and look after the equipment you use. Clean down after your session, throw away rubbish and leave the space as you found it. Ask before borrowing anything. Some dungeons and clubs have kit you can borrow, and some kinksters are happy to lend out their implements but always ask before grabbing!
While dungeons and fetish clubs are brilliant places to meet like-minded kinksters, remember to play with some of the great equipment available and become part of your local BDSM scene.
Ask other kinksters in the forum about their experiences and check out our event listings to find fun things happening locally to you.
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Article image: Exxxotica. Shawn Perez via Flickr with CC BY 2.0 license
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