Play parties and group sex requires lots of attention to detail, covering everything from privacy concerns to changing rooms and basic BDSM play party etiquette. So, whether you're going to a play party for the first time or trying your hand at hosting one, there are some things to remember that will make everyone’s experience better. Cameryn Moore explains all. 
 

Be aware of privacy considerations 

When attending or hosting a kink party, community standards vary, and even a munch - a purely social gathering of kinksters out in non-play public space like a restaurant - can raise concerns in small towns where everyone knows everyone else’s business. 

When hosting a BDSM play party, make sure your directions are as precise as possible, so that attendees don’t wind up knocking on the doors of neighbouring houses or storefronts. Signage, if any, should be discreet; consider using other, less obvious markers or landmarks to show the way. 

Also, make sure that parking is legit, and that no one is going to get their car awkwardly towed thanks to being at your party. Ask in advance for essential information about attendees, but protect that information carefully, don’t share it around. 
 

Discretion goes both ways

Unless you have secured a spot designed for play in a non-residential area, do some research about how sound-proof the space is. Even a well-behaved foursome can end up making a lot of noise; let’s not even get started on how loud a couple of floggers and multiple orgasms can be if it’s all happening at the same time. 

BDSM play party. Flogger and dominatrix on sofa.
Even the most well-behaved can end up making a ton of noise.

If you're attending a BDSM play party that goes beyond your particular social circle, i.e. you're playing with people who you don’t know and can’t approach directly, look for policies about consent, privacy, mobile phone storage and code of conduct. Also, look for permissible activities posted prominently at the event and wherever it's promoted online. (Google “kink party code of conduct” for a range of policies to peruse.) If you are hosting such a party, make sure you get those policies out there, and be ready to back that up. 

Do include in your code of conduct information about dress codes. You may think that what to wear to a play party is obvious, but not everyone has resources for that, or they may need to plan if you're doing it on a specific theme. Consider also whether people are traveling; if they need to bring special outfits, this is information they should have ahead of time.

Finally, if you are the host, make sure to emphasise to your guests that what happens at the party stays at the party. You can’t prevent gossip, but let people know that that's the expectation.
 

BDSM Play Party Privacy 

At the party itself, comfort is more than just plenty of clean sheets, towels and complimentary safer sex supplies (if the event allows genital contact). Continue thinking about privacy, with a room or rooms where people can change into their outfits. When looking for events, find out about policies for the changing rooms. Those shouldn't be used for play spaces as some people need an area where they can transition from the outside world to the world of play. 

BDSM party.jpg
The personal touch at a BDSM play party is essential.

With this in mind, you might look for spaces that have room for a non-play lounge, or make that kind of space available if you're hosting a play party of your own. Having a non-play-oriented room where people can retreat from the action if they want to, have regular conversations, and make that transition if they need to, can make the entire experience much more comfortable for everyone.

Now that you’ve got all of this in place, or found a space that does, find out how to enforce these rules and spaces. Many commercial and organisational play spaces have monitors who walk around to make sure that people follow the rules. Such spaces don’t have CCTV (don’t go to a club that has cameras) so, the personal touch here is essential.

If you're hosting a BDSM play party, and it’s larger than that quiet foursome, make sure that you are either doing the monitoring yourself or maybe rope in a couple of friends to help share the burden. Figure out ahead of time what you will do if you see anything sketchy going on, and make sure your co-monitors AND your party goers know about your plan of action, too.

When you research attending parties, you’ll find the events that fit you best and have your comfort and security in mind. When you’ve laid the groundwork properly as a host, you should end up doing more standard hosting duties than anything else: are there enough towels for the guests, does everyone have enough to drink, did someone switch the Spotify channel while your back was turned?


Liked this article? Join Fetish.com and find a BDSM play party or event near you
 

Join the discussion in the Fetish.com BDSM forum

Cover photo and article: TES Paparazzi Party by Stacey Joy. Also David Shankbone. Flickr Creative Commons.
 


YOU MAY ALSO LIKE

0 comments

Your content will need to be approved by a moderator

Guest
You are commenting as a guest. If you have an account, please sign in.
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



There are no comments to display.

BDSM Magazine

Similar discussions