Safety in BDSM is a big deal, and sexual torture doesn't have to hurt in the wrong way. Writer, Abi Brown gives you six tips you can start using right away to play safer. 
 

Sexual torture tip 1: watch out for numbness

Pins and needles in your hands are distracting, uncomfortable and potentially even dangerous. When you’re pinning down someone’s wrists, use even pressure from your whole hand to do it - and get them to let you know if you’re cutting off the blood flow.
 

Sexual torture tip 2: rough and tough

Unless you know what you’re doing (by which I mean you have had real, legitimate training, not just ‘I watch a lot of action films’) it’s best to use slower and more controlled movements to push someone around in sexual torture. Someone once dislocated my shoulder by accident while trying to pin my arm up behind my back. It was a profoundly unpleasant experience.
 

Sexual torture tip 3: pulling hair from the root

When you’re pulling hair, run your fingers along their scalp and make a firm grip right at the root - this gives you more control, is a much better feeling, and leaves you less likely to break their hair accidentally. Aching scalps are one thing, but a bad hair month is quite another!

Man with hand around a blindfolded woman's neck
Ready for some sexual torture? 
 

Sexual torture tip 4: watching your angles during breath play

If you’re going to choke someone, it’s essential to watch your angles. You want to aim for their ability to breathe, not the blood supply to their brain! Pay a great deal of attention to a sub while you’re doing this - do this only for a few seconds at a time, and give your sub plenty of breaks. Preferably you want to have eye contact with them while you’re doing it, too - this makes it easier for you to keep up with how they’re doing and where they’re at. Follow our guide to choke play and orgasm control for more safety tips.
 

Sexual torture tip 5: using the right pressure

If someone is lying down while you choke them, you want to pay attention to where the heel of your hand has ended up. If your hand is putting pressure on their collarbones or sternum, they’re probably not enjoying it much. Indeed, that’s a nasty sharp pain that’s no fun at all, and distracting from all the beautiful things about having someone’s hand around your throat.
 

Sexual torture tip 6: keeping it slick with lube

There isn’t anything wrong with using lube in sexual torture.  It doesn’t mean either of you have failed or whatever. It just means that you can have all the sex you both want without discomfort and without causing microabrasions that can itch madly for a week.
 

Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. 
 

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Do you have any sexual torture tips? Tell us what we've missed in the comments below or in the Fetish.com forum. 


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Cover Image: model released from Shutterstock.com


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