Why do we put labels on sexual roles? Just because you classify yourself as a top or bottom or a dom or sub, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a bit of the other during kinky play. Indeed, Fetish.com says if you scrap the labels and switch things up, sex can be a whole lot more enjoyable...


The terms “topping” and “bottoming” paint service-oriented sex in black and white. They assume that each corresponding party has only one set of interests that don't extend beyond their role.

Humans, however are complex, and this is not the case for most people. Can a top love receiving anal stimulation? Can bottoms enjoy inserting things into their partners' various orifices? Absolutely, and one need not be a switch to incorporate diverse preferences without compromising the dynamic of a scene.


Getting what you want out of a scene


Our desires can sometimes exist as the opposite of our sexual personae, so it's important to take them out of the context of a scene for the purpose of this conversation with your partner(s) or yourself.

Instead, phrase your list of wants and needs with, "I want to receive," and/or "I want to give." The only roles that need to be considered here are whether you are the giver or recipient of the play at hand.

Once you know what specific sensations you and your partner(s) are chasing, you can then decide how you want to give and/or receive them.


Top from the Bottom: talk about how you want it


For many, sexual preferences are seen in terms of dominant and submissive behavior. This means that Person A may like being spanked, but that doesn't necessarily mean she'll enjoy a spanking anytime, any place, by anyone.

If Person A gets off from being in a position of dominance, then the way she receives a spanking must be done in accordance with that preference.

 

Staying on Top from the Bottom
Un-leash your sexual desires by switching up your roles during kinky play


But my Dom(me) will punish me if I spank them. Not if they command you to do so, especially if they hold your leash as you spank them, or if then spank you in return for not taking your orders properly.

This is one example of service-oriented submission, which is a fancy term for doing things to your top from the bottom. The premise of service within the context of a power exchange is existing solely to please your Mistress or Master, even though doing so also pleases you.
 

How can a sub go about initiating?
 

How does a sub go about anything? By asking permission, of course:

“Sir, may I please insert this toy inside of your butt?”

“You may, but only after getting it nice and wet first.”

How does said sub know their Master enjoys anal play? They had a very open and clear conversation about what they want to experience before they started playing. During which, there was ample opportunity for the sub to say, “Initiating anal play might take me out of my sub-space. Can you command me to use the toy on you instead?”
 

Get rid of the labels
 

Spanking is not only for bottoms, and receiving blowjobs is not only for tops. Getting spanked and getting blown are both acts of receipt. Both require a giver and taker. The versatile aspect of these actions is the motive behind them.

Is Person A receiving a spanking because they were naughty or because they're demanding one for pleasure? Is Person B getting blown at their own accord, as a reward for behaving well, or as a means of humiliation?

Beyond the disassociation of behavior from pre-conceived roles, there lies a wider variety of possible sensations that can be experienced within a power exchange.

Your physical position during a sex act (ie: top or bottom) does not mandate your status as a Dominant or Submissive, your intent does. Put differently, taking the act and the role as separate things opens you up to many more possibilities for interesting power play.
 

Do you like switch things up during sex? Or do you only stick to your desired role? Let us known in the comments below. If you're not already a member of Fetish.com, sign up below for free BDSM dating, Forum chat, and all the latest fetish news from our sex positive, kinky community.

Main photo: Rusian SoIntsev/Dollar Photo Club/smplistc

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Hey there would you mind stating which blog platform you're using? I'm looking to start my own blog soon but I'm having a tough time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I'm looking for something completely unique. P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

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[…] activities in a forum is very different to physical interaction. No one wants to feel pressured and subs aren’t kinky playthings unless they want to be, so always clamp down on pushy doms who act like they’re entitled to […]

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