Subspace is well known by people within the BDSM scene, it’s an altered state of being where a submissive totally lets go and is under the complete control of their Dom. But have you ever heard of Topspace and what happens after you’ve experienced these states of mind? Victoria Blisse shares her thoughts and practices on what to do once ‘space’ is achieved. 

 

Subspace

It is almost seen as the holy grail of submission, this altered state where a submissive lets go and floats away on a cloud of happy making hormones. This mind set isn’t easy to achieve and the way submissives reach it will change from person to person and day to day.

It could be via rope bondage, sensory deprivation or impact play. It might be brought on by hot wax, needle play or breath play but for it to happen the submissive must completely trust the person they are playing with. As once a sub is in subspace they’re not aware of anything else. In fact, use of a safeword may become impossible.

This is where the dominant’s role is vitally important. They have to make the safety decisions for their sub and be the one to call an end to a scene when it becomes clear the sub has had enough. You may think that there’s nothing a sub can do about what happens during subspace but that’s not true.

Before a sub enters a scene they can talk to the dominant about their wants and needs and lay down what will happen if subspace is achieved. After care plans can be put in place well in advance and telling your Dom all this before your scene will help you feel safe and secure.

After subspace can come subdrop. To give you an idea of what this is like think about that feeling you get after attending a really fun event or party where you’ve had a really good time. In the days after you can feel a bit blue as you miss what you have experienced. Subdrop is similar but it can happen immediately after a scene or take days to develop. To move through it lots of positive aftercare is needed.

This might be a few hours of taking it slow, cuddles, blankets, enjoying a warm bath or a mindless movie. It might take longer to pass with more aftercare D/s needed. A sugar hit can be very useful as blood sugar levels can drop during intense play. A lot of people in the scene make sure to have sweets and sugary drinks in their kit bags to replenish after a session.

A sub can help themselves through subdrop by being mindful of what they need. Self-care is really important. Pampering to boost your mood is essential, not self-indulgent.

However the dominant can help with aftercare too. It is as much part of the scene as the spanking or bondage that led to subspace. Mindful attention to your sub will help here. If in doubt, ask them what they need.  Communication is key.

 

afercare d/s relationship
Take care of each other!

 

Topspace

But what about the Dom? Well, it is said that they can achieve a parallel altered mind set known as Topspace or Domspace. It has its similarities and involves the same feel good chemicals but where subspace is about letting go, Topspace is a feeling of focus. It can be a little scary and can lead to the end of a scene. Obviously, a Dom needs to feel in control of what’s going on and Topspace can feel too intense. Other Doms will ride it and enjoy it without losing control.

As a sub, you can help your Dom in Topspace by being ready to call out and stop things, maybe by using your safeword if needed. They may become very focused on the action they are doing but then be less focused on your reactions. If you start to feel this happening you can call the scene to an end.

Topspace also has it’s come down too, known as Topdrop and needs the same care and attention subdrop does. Aftercare may look slightly different but it is at heart the same. Having something sugary to eat or drink will help if the Dom feels a bit spacey and hugs, cuddles, massages and touch will help ground them too if that’s what they want. The sub’s job here is very important. The top will need you to watch out for them.

A top can help themselves through this by being aware of what Topdrop is, taking things easy for a little while and by maybe indulging in a little self-pampering. It might be a bubble bath or a few hours on the PlayStation or X-Box, it might be watching a favourite film or simply doing the crossword in the newspaper. Whatever works to lift your mood will help with Topdrop.

There is no guaranteed way to achieve these altered states of mind but each time you do you’ll be able to work out what helps you to get there. They’re not the be all and end all of BDSM play either. Think of them as bonus levels, good fun, worth doing but not what the whole game is about. There are no hard and fast rules and as long as you enjoy your play that is really all that matters.

 

Share your own experiences or suggestions about subspace or Topspace with others on the forum or chat rooms. Expand your kinky horizons! If you’re new here, why not sign up for a free membership and get involved in the community?

 

Cover image from Erika Lust


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