Sienna Saint-Cyr switches things up from time to time, sometimes she’s a Top and sometimes she’s a bottom. With multiple play partners, and a busy D/S lifestyle how does she keep the dynamic in her relationships strong and healthy? Simple. She gets it in writing! Read on for her tips and tricks for why contracts are a good way to set D/s relationship rules and some tips how to make them.

 

Why do we need D/s contracts? 

The word contract might sound terrifying, at least it did to my husband and me when we first entered into a D/s relationship. At the time, my Dom had mentioned having a contract with me and I panicked. My husband and I had only heard horror stories about D/s contracts between Doms/Dommes and subs. So we wanted nothing to do with them, despite understanding the benefits of written agreements.

 

The pen is mightier than the… flogger?

Thankfully my Dom let me send email. This still gets everything down in writing for review and possible updates later. It also has the benefit of not using that scary word, contract. We feel more comfortable with the situation and it’s a perfectly reasonable option.

While at first we were concerned about D/s contracts, my husband and I sing a different tune now. We’ve since learned that those who warned us away them either weren’t in the BDSM community or they had shady reasons as to why they didn’t want D/s relationship agreements in writing in the first place. Neither scenario was helpful.

When speaking in the D/s lifestyle sense, contracts don’t mean a legal document you take to a lawyer (though some kinksters do choose that route). Mostly it means a written agreement between the Dominant and submissive. This is for the benefit of all involved. It sets up expectations for both parties in the D/s relationship and because it’s in writing and both parties agree to it, if a rule is broken or an agreement not followed, then action can be taken.

 

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A contract can be hand written or nice and neat on a computer, it's up to you!

 

D/s Dynamics: Good contracts protect all parties involved

Verbal consent—while consent—is easy to deny at a later date. I’ve witnessed it happen. A sub agreed to something prior to a scene, then several weeks later decided she wasn’t comfortable with it and suddenly claimed victimhood. This could go both ways. D/s contracts lend safety from this sort of denial and setting up the contract gives both parties ample time to be sure they are comfortable with everything being agreed upon.

It’s another opportunity for everyone involved to make sure they are getting what they want from the exchange. A chance for subs to make clear boundaries and for Dom/mes to establish trust and understand limits.

 

D/s relationship rules: What if you’re a switch?

When I’m in a submissive place, I don’t want to have to negotiate before a scene. By having a contract or written agreement, the Dominant knows ahead of time what kinds of scenes I’m comfortable with as well as any health concerns, whether mental or physical, that they need awareness of. I also know what’s expected of me, like eating a healthy meal before an intense scene, checking in afterward, self-care for my bruises and so on.

As a Domme, I feel safer knowing that I can pull up a D/s contract prior to going out and refresh my memory on what that sub is okay with. I’ve personally had someone agree to something in writing, then later deny it. I was more than thankful to be able to pull up that document and show otherwise. Since I have multiple play partners, written agreements are helpful for me.

 

Contracts don’t need to be a scary topic

They benefit the D/s lifestyle. They give written consent, expectations, and consequences for broken agreements. Having a contract means we’re winning in all the right ways, including a way out if one party finds the contract needs to be renegotiated. Remember, unless you get lawyers involved, BDSM contracts are simply written agreements and they don’t need to be boring! Requiring a sub to kneel in your presence can be hot. So go forth, get it in writing, and have fun!

 

Thinking about writing up your own D/s contract? Have one (or more) already? Why not help each other out and get talking about it in the chatrooms or on the forum! Don’t be shy! Sharing is caring and we’re all here to have a good time. There are also lots of other helpful articles in the magazine about contracts and trust D/s dynamics to check out as well! If you’re new here on Fetish.com, welcome! To get the most out of your time here, why not sign up for a free membership?

 

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Images from Creative Commons Flickr users bethcanphoto, plindberg


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