Full-on, hardcore 24/7 TPE is a favored fantasy for a lot of people - but the reality isn’t necessarily how many of those people want to live their lives. It’s possible to find ways to bring everyday kink out into the rest of your life without having it be subsumed by it, though! We’ve come up with a few ideas for how to enjoy your kink in public and outside of the bedroom - and if there are any more that have worked for you, let us know in the comments.
Everyday Kink Outside of the Bedroom
1. Buy a remote-controlled vibrator
are a lot better than they used to be. They come in all kinds of models now, including some that are suitable for a variety of genital configurations. Put a bit of effort into finding one that’s pretty quiet and has a decent amount of range on the remote. You won’t regret it - date night dinners, boring train journeys and trips to the cinema can all be turned into something far more interesting than you had imagined. Enjoy your everyday kink in public by taking control of a sub’s pleasure like this in a situation where they have to fight to hide their reaction is often deeply thrilling for both parties.
2. Take control of your sub’s look for the day
Simply telling someone what to wear is an act of dominance
and control that adds a certain frisson to getting dressed in the morning - which is after all the most dull and everyday of tasks! You don’t need to ask them to relinquish control of what they wear to work, unless that’s what you both want. You can tell them what to wear around the house, or on a date with you, or as their underwear beneath a staid, boring business suit.
3. Invest in a day collar
Everyday kink uses something that reminds your sub exactly who they belong to
. It's a lovely idea - and one that can be extremely romantic, if you want to present it that way. There are plenty of people making pretty, delicate, subtle chokers and necklaces, many of which are lockable. It doesn’t have to be something that goes around their throat, either - a ring or a bracelet can be just as good.
4. Experiment with kegel balls and cock rings
Depending on your sub’s personal genitalia, you’re bound to be able to find some kind of sex toy they can leave on or inside them while they go about their daily business. Both kegel balls and cock rings are subtle enough to use anywhere and persistent enough that the wearer won’t forget they’ve got them in a hurry - perfect for making the everyday a little more interesting for both of you, even when you aren’t around.
5. Learn a few under-clothes rope ties.
Bondage aficionados have plenty of tricks up their sleeves for this everyday kink. There are several simple, common bondage ties
that can be worn under clothing by a sub who’s out in public. They’ll be constantly aware, but nobody around them will be any the wiser! A basic body or breast harness is a good way to enjoy your kink in public, discreetly, and you might be surprised by how easy they are to rig.
6. Set your sub a few tasks
A few things to get done during the day can be a thrilling thought. They needn’t be huge or difficult - they can be overtly sexual (“go for a walk outside with nipple clamps under your t-shirt and send me a photo to prove it”), related to domestic service (“have all the vacuuming done by the time I get home from work”) or related to the wellbeing of your sub (“drink all eight glasses of water while you’re out today”) - or anything else you can think of. It’s a nice touch to a relationship, though, and you can set them whenever you feel like it.
7. Instigate a daily photo rule
I once had a Dom who had me send him a new, different slightly risque photo every day for the whole time we were together. At the time I had a pretty itinerant sort of a life, so I had to get creative; cleavage shots surreptitiously taken with my netbook webcam during lectures while I was pretending to be taking notes. Hastily arranged full-frontal in friends’ bathrooms and mini vibrators on trains all featured at some point or another. It kept that aspect of my medium-distance relationship at the forefront of my mind a lot of the time. I enjoyed having a rule to follow and consequences to be thrillingly wary of.
8. Stop being so damn polite all the time
As you’ve probably noticed, I’m English. If there’s one thing that defines our cultural identity above all others, it seems to be our dedication to maintaining at least an outward veneer of extreme politeness. I have a cousin with perfect French and a flawless accent who tells me that the thing that most often gets her spotted as English is how often she adds s'il vous plaît onto the end of her sentences. That’s all well and good in polite company - but sometimes, when it’s just you and your own sub, you can create a wonderful atmosphere with a sense of entitlement. You’re not asking them to start cooking dinner or bring you a drink, after all - you’re telling them to.
Abi Brown is a freelance writer and general pen-for-hire devoted to sexual deviancy, far-left politics and wearing too much jewellery. Find her at her website or @see_abi_write.
and Sandra Dors
with CC BY 2.0 license