Some people are happy to keep their domination fantasy locked away in their head, but others can’t wait to get their freak on in real life. If you’re a sexual adventurer and you want to get it on in a BDSM relationship, how do you give your prospective dom a shove in the right direction? At the start of an S&M journey neither of your know exactly what the other wants, will this be a slave/master thing or is it going to be a psychological game between the two of you, with added benefits? Given a little guidance and plenty of inspiration, you’ll soon have them reaching for the handcuffs.

Talk your domination fantasy and what the dynamic looks like for you


A submissive and a dominant want the same thing, even though they are approaching it from a different perspective. That’s why it’s important to have the sex talk. We all know that these moments can be hard to handle – unless you’re the kind of person who has no problem chatting about your naughties – but your lover can’t read your mind, so give them a head start with your words. If you want a great domination session, but you worry that they’re holding back, or you’ve felt compelled to hold back on the sub routine – tell them. It’s not like you have to bring up the subject as if it’s a bad thing, no one’s ill, so it doesn’t have to be a stone cold sober ‘talk’. Choose your moment. Blurting out about your domination fantasy in the supermarket is bad, but whispering it into your partner’s ear during foreplay to turn them on to your way of thinking is excellent. Also, if they’re up for it then and there, you can begin to incorporate elements of a kinky domination scene into your foreplay right away.

Explain exactly what you want them to do


how to fulfill your domination fantasyEven if you’ve already dropped a few hints about your domination fantasy, and your sex life is moving in the right direction, you may still need to make a few points crystal clear. The ways in which people enjoy sadomasochism vary wildly, so if you’ve got visions of a torture chamber and your lover is still wondering if spanking would be too full on, make them aware. Try to relay exactly what kind of BDSM tricks you’d like done to you, when they should be done and where. You could also buy some sexy accessories like paddles and small whips to turn things around. Demonstrating how to use them in a private master and servant show is likely to be a real winner.

Don’t dream it – be it


From crawling around on all fours, to offering a sensual massage or acting out a role play scenario, you can drive a kinky dom crazy with lust if you act the part. You can also try calling them master or mistress in or out of a BDSM environment, it’s an effective way of creating and enforcing the roles you’ll both inhabit later during a kinky session.

Talk dirty in bed


Talking dirty can intensify any sexually charged situation, but by saying openly: “I love it when you dominate me”, you’re starting a conversation that’s pretty appealing to a fetish fan. If they ask you how, then tell them, in detail. Aside from the fact that good conversation lies at the heart of all great BDSM sex, filthy talk, even during vanilla sex, can get someone primed for rougher bondage action. It’s likely you’ll know what your partners triggers are, so linger over those before moving on to other requests to fulfill your domination fantasy.

Make sure they know you love it


Being a dom isn’t always easy, people can feel a pressure to perform that quickly puts them off their moves and that’s no fun for anyone.  So how can a good sub make sure they get what they want, and so they get their domination fantasy fufilled? Not many people want to be disrespectful or hurtful towards their partner in real life – if they do then they are definitely not a keeper. A healthy attitude towards one another is vital and we all expect to be treated as an equal, but when a lot of your sex play involves kinky domination, it can seem unbalanced. A sub gives away power and control rather than having it snatched from them. They do it out of choice and with consent, because it turns them on and they love how it feels. If your partner is in any doubt, explain that, then put the whip in their hand and beg for a spanking.
© Denis Kadackii / Dollar Photo Club and Llima Orosa via Flickr with CC BY 2.0 Lizenz

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