Read a dirty book that got your juices flowing? Saw a certain movie and thought, “Oh yes, please tie me up!”? Hell, maybe you’re one of those lucky few who was introduced to kink since puberty but you’re only now ready to do something about it.
Either way, you think you’ve found the Dominant to your submissive or the little for your Mommy side or any kinky pairing you can think of. Maybe you just want to get freaky and kinky in every room of your house and don’t care about titles. Either way, it’s a big enough need that you can’t - and don’t want - to deny it anymore.
If you want to introduce kink into your relationship:
It’s time to talk to your partner.
You could get naked, lie spreadeagle in bed with a ball gag in your mouth, and a riding crop laying across your bare ass and wait for your partner to “find” you. Surprise! If anyone tries that and it works, please tell me about it because that sounds hot as hell.
For the rest of you who are worried about how your partner will take your kinky revelations, let’s try a different approach, shall we?
If you and your partner have been together for a while, you probably have a good idea about how they might react. And even then, you may have convinced yourself that you’re about to be completely rejected. Take a deep breath and see if any of these ideas help you take the step from pure vanilla to downright kinky.
Don’t bombard your partner.
To introduce kink, you want to set aside time to talk to them or wait for a quiet moment when they’re focused on you (After great, sweaty sex is always an option.) Throwing this at them when they walk in from a busy day at work isn’t good timing.
Start with the small stuff. Your fantasy may include consensual non-consent rape and kidnap scenes or gang bangs or blood play or something equally in the “advanced” category of kink. Don’t lead with that. Pick something a little less threatening that you think you and your partner might enjoy, and start there.
Share how you were introduced to kink or things you’ve watched, read, or seen that turn you on.
This could be new territory for your partner. They may need to take some time to learn about it before they’re willing to commit.
Be willing to listen to their desires. I’ve met plenty of people who thought they were the only ones in their relationship with kinky desires - until they began discussing it and learned their partners had their own fantasies. You may be surprised at what you learn once you open up the discussion.
Take it slow.
Understand you might not get everything you want all at once. Even the most established people in the kink community take their time when they have a new partner. This isn’t any different. Yes, you want to do All The Things after you introduce kink but you need to ease into it slowly.
Realize your education in kink has only just begun. If you get your partner on board with the idea of being kinky, now the real education begins. Read, watch, and learn as much as you can, and understand that sometimes that really kinky scene with ropes, vibrators, and blindfolds isn’t going to go according to plan.
Many people consider kink dark and dangerous. Be sure to mention safewords and consent and that you understand the importance of playing safe - and how both of you can play without getting hurt.
If after you introduce kind and the absolute worst happens- your partner completely refuses to experiment with kink or find middle ground in your sex life, you’ll have some decisions to make.
Stay where you are and find happiness without kink (something people do all over the world, every single day).
Leave that relationship and look for a partner (or multiple partners) who can fulfil your kinky needs. Some people find kinky partners outside of their vanilla relationship (openly or secretly).
There’s no right answer to this one. Only you can decide what’s best for you and your relationship.
If your need to tap into your kinky side and discover that part of yourself is important, don’t hide it away. As scary as it may be, you need to talk to your partner if they’re the one you want to get kinky with. You never know what might happen. One conversation to introduce kink could turn into a life of kinky fuckery and every sexual fantasy coming true.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.
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