Read a dirty book that got your juices flowing? Saw a certain movie and thought, “Oh yes, please tie me up!”? Then perhaps it's time to introduce kink into your relationship. writer Kayla Lords suggests how.

Talk to your partner

You could get naked, lie spreadeagle in bed with a ball gag in your mouth, and a riding crop laying across your bare ass and wait for your partner to “find” you. Surprise! For the rest of you who are worried about how your partner will take your particular kink, let’s try a different approach, shall we?

If you and your partner have been together for a while, you probably have a good idea about how they might react. And even then, you may have convinced yourself that you’re about to be completely rejected. Take a deep breath discuss the following ideas. See if they help you take the step from pure vanilla to downright kinky.

Don’t bombard your partner

To introduce kink, you want to set aside time to talk to them or wait for a quiet moment when they’re focused on you. (After great, sweaty sex is always an option.) Throwing this at them when they walk in from a busy day at work isn’t good timing.

Start with the small stuff. Your fantasy may include consensual non-consent rape and kidnap scenes or gang bangs. Perhaps it could include blood play or something equally in the “advanced” category of kink. Don’t lead with that. Pick something a little less threatening that you think you and your partner might enjoy, and start there.

Share how you were introduced to kink or things you’ve watched, read, or seen that turn you on. This could be new territory for your partner. They may need to take some time to learn about it before they’re willing to commit. Be willing to listen to your partner's desires. I’ve met plenty of people who thought they were the only ones in their relationship with kinky desires. but then they began discussing kink and learned their partners had their own fantasies. You may be surprised at what you learn once you open up the discussion.

Take it slow

Understand you might not get everything you want all at once. Even the most established people in the kink community take their time when they have a new partner. This isn’t any different. Yes, you want to do All The Things after you introduce kink but you need to ease into it slowly.

Realise your education in kink has only just begun. If you get your partner on board with the idea of being kinky, now the real education begins. Read, watch, and learn as much as you can. Additionally, come to understand that sometimes that really kinky scene with ropes, vibrators, and blindfolds isn’t going to go according to plan.

Discuss safety

Many people consider kink dark and dangerous. Be sure to mention safewords and consent. Moreover, ensure that you understand the importance of playing safe - and how both of you can play without getting hurt.

If after you introduce something and the absolute worst happens - your partner completely refuses to experiment with kink or find the middle ground in your sex life - you’ll have some decisions to make. Stay where you are and find happiness without kink (something people do all over the world, every single day).

Leave that relationship and look for a partner (or multiple partners) who can fulfill your kinky needs. Some people find kinky partners outside of their vanilla relationship (openly or secretly). There’s no right answer to this one. Only you can decide what’s best for you and your relationship.

If your need to tap into your kinky side and discover that part of yourself is important, don’t hide it away. As scary as it may be, you need to talk to your partner if they’re the one you want to get kinky with. You never know what might happen. One conversation to introduce kink could turn into a life of kinky fuckery and every sexual fantasy coming true.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.

How have you introduced kink into your relationship? Tell us in the comments below or on the forum. 


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My late wife kept asking me "What is one thing you never did sexually but wanted to try?" . After many different requests about this one night I burst out saying "A brown shower". My wife said" what!" and I told her my fantasy fetish kink. We talked about it and I told her how some of these videos turned me on. I then showed her scat video clips and purchased some dvd's. Eventually we tried it several times with her aiming at my groin, followed by her masturbating me with the brown mess. I believe this form of extreme masturbation was what really excited me to get so much pleasure from the gross act.

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