Has your kinky online long-distance relationship made the leap to living, working and breathing down each other's necks every day? Not sure what comes next or how to handle it? Kayla Lords fills you in on what to expect when your kinky long- distance relationship goes to full on all day/every day.
 

Every day, more and more kinky people meet online. People learn about BDSM online, find partners, test out new desires, and develop very real, very loving D/s relationships all through an internet connection.

Look around on Fetlife and Tumblr, and D/s long distance relationships almost feel like the norm. People cross countries and oceans to spend a weekend or a week together, filling the time with as much kinky sex and BDSM fun as possible, only to be separated again. Reliance on video chats, text messaging, phone calls, and emails is very real - a requirement, really in a kinky long-distance relationship.

Turning your long distance kinky relationship into an all day/ everyday relationship is a huge step. It comes with certain expectations and requirements, and there’s plenty to prepare yourself for. Take it from someone who loved her Daddy Dom for 18 months with a 440-mile separation and still loves him more than two years later now that we live, sleep, eat, and get kinky together every day.
 

Fear is normal

When your kinky long-distance relationship goes 24/7 it's normal to be scared. One (or both) of you are moving, leaving jobs, family, and friends, to be together. There’s always the chance it won’t work out. Don’t pretend the fear isn’t there, and don’t worry that it’s a sign. Talk about your fears and discuss how you can handle the things that scare you.
 

You can’t wait for the perfect moment

Like having a baby or quitting your job, there’s almost never an exact perfect moment in life to move from a kinky long-distance relationship to living together. If you wait for perfect time, you’ll wait forever. What you can do is make a plan and set goals, and make the move when you’ve met those goals (saving a certain amount of money, finding a new job, etc).
 

It’s not all kinky sex

Going from intense 'get as much as you can when you can' kinky long-distance relationship sex to 'every day' sex means a significant adjustment. You know how your visits are filled with sex in hotels, sex in strange places, sex in sex clubs? That’s because you’re fitting in as much sex as possible while you can - and your hormones are practically melting your body. When you live with your kinky partner, the amount of sex you have will slow down a little (sometimes a lot).
 

When a kinky long-distance relationship gets real: get used to smells, noises, and quirky habits

Confession time - people fart. They burp. They poop. Yes, even your dreamy, perfect, best ever kinky partner. Now that you’re living together, you’re about to be up close and personal with their smells, noises, and quirky habits. Don’t try to hide your own, and don’t be shocked when you discover just how gross it can be to live with someone 24/7 - I don’t care how good they look in their Dom suit or all that leather.
 

Reality check for a kinky long-distance relationship turned 24/7: the first fight sucks

You may have fussed and argued, and yes, even fought while you were in your kinky long-distance relationship. It happens, and it’s normal. But that very first real fight when you live together is the worst. You’re looking at each other, seeing the hurt and anger on the other’s face, and it can feel like this is a relationship-ending moment. Most of the time, it’s not. Most of the time, you just need to talk it out, cry, and make up. Kinky make-up sex is the best, in case you wondered.
 

Exploration is more fun

Before, when you were in a kinky long-distance relationship, you explored your kinky desires but most of it was probably verbal while you used your hand. Now, you can read something together (or watch it), talk about it, and try it out - together. It won’t happen as often as you like (especially if you’ve got kids or major family obligations) but when it does, it’s much better than a one-handed wank.
 

Making it work has little to do with kink

Sure, you embraced your kinky ways and the BDSM lifestyle, and those relationships require a lot of communication. But making your kinky long-distance relationship work on a day-to-day basis has little to do with kink and everything to do with communication, compromise, and love. If you pay attention to your relationship, discuss what’s on your mind, and commit to each other - every day - you can have a lasting kinky relationship.

In the two years my Daddy Dom and I have lived together, we’ve battled cranky kids, career changes, family illnesses and death, and family craziness. It wasn’t always easy, and it definitely wasn’t always kinky, but we are closer now than during our long distance relationship, and I imagine we’ll be closer a year from now than we are today.

You can live the dream and take your D/s relationship from long distance to all day/every day. Keep your expectations realistic. Be prepared to work hard. And don’t forget to get kinky as often as you can.

 


Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.

 

Have you had a kinky long-distance relationship? What were your experiences? Share them on the Fetish.com forum
 

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© freshidea / Dollar Photo Club and Ulisse Albiati via Flickr with CC BY 2.0 license

 


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