There's more to kink than just spankings, bondage, and sweet pain. There's the psychology behind it and most importantly, the communication. But there's something else you don't hear a lot about. Here's a new BDSM aftercare guide that will get you thinking outside the chains.

 

A BDSM Aftercare Guide

How to Take Care of Your Kinky Partner


When we think of “taking care” of each other in kink, most people immediately think of sexual pleasure, cock worship, orgasms, spankings, bondage, and all the kinky fun things we do with each other. And yes, getting your kink on is a great way to take care of everyone’s needs. But there’s more to it than sexual fun.

In order to have energy, stamina, and desire for whatever kink or fetish you’re into, we need to take care of our health, too. This isn’t a top or a bottom thing; it’s a people thing no matter what role you have in your kinky relationship. Dominants and submissives can look after each other in few simple ways.

I tell you this as someone who made all of these a priority in my life and encouraged my Dominant to make a priority in his life. It really does make for a better relationship, a better life, and a lot more sexy, kinky fun.

 

Mental Health

Not everyone wants to admit they’ve got something on their mind they just can’t shake. Maybe it’s unexplained panic attacks. Maybe your partner is showing signs of depression which rarely takes the form of sadness. Instead, it’s numbness, not caring, withdrawing, sleeping a lot, not sleeping at all, and many other symptoms. You might not know what’s wrong with them, but they aren’t the same.

There is no shame in talking to a therapist or a psychiatrist when our heads are all jumbled up and we can’t seem to control our own emotions. Your partner isn’t “crazy” and they’re not necessarily going to be prescribed a bunch of pills to make them “normal” in case that’s what they worry about. They may simply need someone to talk to, to help them sort out what’s going on in their head. If you’re located in the U.S., you can look for a kink-aware or kink-friendly therapist at the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom website.

 

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Going to the Doctor

No one really wants to go to the doctor. You’ll probably have to pee in a cup. They may draw blood and needles might be fine when you’re getting kinky (or not) but the sterile environment of a lab isn’t the same. Annual physicals and screenings, like the push in November for prostate screening for men known as Movember, and other check-ups are a way to keep you and your partner healthy and able to get your kink on for a long time.

At the same time, your partner needs to go to the doctor when they’re sick and cold medicine isn’t helping. They may need antibiotics or steroids to kick the nasty bug they’ve got. When they protest (and as someone who’s Dominant never wants to go, I promise they will likely say they don’t want to gol), remind your partner that you can’t have kinky fun together while he or she is hacking up a lung or spewing snot everywhere.

 

Healthy Eating and Exercise

Right after my Dominant and I moved in together, we went through a period where we relaxed just a little too much. We ate everything that tasted good, and the only exercise we got was the wild sex and kinky scenes we had together. There’s nothing wrong with that, but eventually we got to a point where our pants didn’t fit anymore. In a year, we’d both gained 25 pounds. That’s never good for your health.

If either of you really hates the idea of “diets” or crazy workouts, here’s something to make you feel a little better - you don’t have to do a fast or a weird diet to get healthier. Adding more vegetables and fruits to your diet is good. Replacing soda with water is an option. Walking for 30 minutes is a workout, especially if you’re usually sitting around on your butt. Best of all, it’s something you can do together. You’ll help keep each other motivated. For me, as a babygirl, I had stickers and I earned treats - new clothes, a manicure, etc. It can be whatever works for you, as long as it gets you moving and eating better.

 

Getting Enough Sleep

No one gets enough sleep anymore. We wake up with a phone in our hand, and we go to sleep staring at a screen. Forty percent of Americans are sleep-deprived getting less than five hours of sleep a night. Not only are we walking zombies fueled by sugar and caffeine to make it through our day, we’re wrecking our health because of it.

Getting to bed earlier isn’t easy for most people. Parents have kids to deal with. Plenty of people work long hours and don’t want to give up what little leisure time they have to get more sleep. Not getting enough sleep makes us sick. When I brought this up to my Dominant, one of the arguments I made for why we needed to get to bed earlier and sleep more was that we would have better, longer, and more kinky fuckery. And it worked - we get more sleep and more kinky fun.

Taking care of your kinky partner can take on so many forms. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the Dominant or submissive, we each have a part to play in our relationship. Taking some time to focus on your partner’s health and well-being will help both of you - in and out of bed.

 

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.


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