BDSM Aftercare Tips for your Partner

BDSM aftercare is so much more than what takes place straight after a scene. We asked writer Kayla Lords to show you new ways to take care of your kinky partner/s - both before and after a scene. Here are her personal BDSM aftercare tips.

When we think of “taking care” of each other in kink, most people immediately think of sexual pleasure, cock worship, orgasms, spanking, bondage, and all the kinky fun things we do with each other. And yes, getting your kink on is a great way to take care of everyone’s needs, but there’s more to it than sexual fun. Yes, of course, there's the BDSM aftercare you need to take post kinkathon, but much more besides.

To have energy, stamina, and desire for whatever kink or fetish you’re into, we need to take care of our health, too. This isn’t a top or a bottom thing; it’s a people thing no matter what role you have in your kinky relationship. Dominants and submissives can look after each other in a few simple ways.
 

Look after your mental health

Not everyone wants to admit they’ve got something on their mind that they can’t shake. Maybe it’s unexplained panic attacks. Maybe your partner is showing signs of depression which rarely takes the form of sadness. Instead, it’s numbness, not caring, withdrawing, sleeping a lot, not sleeping at all, and many other symptoms. You might not know what’s wrong with them, but they aren’t the same.

There's no shame in talking to a therapist or a psychiatrist when our heads are all jumbled up, and we can’t seem to control our own emotions. Your partner isn’t “crazy”, and they’re not necessarily going to be prescribed a bunch of pills to make them “normal” in case that’s what they worry about. They may need someone to talk to, to help them sort out what’s going on in their head.

BDSM aftercare is more than just sexual fun.
 

Go to the doctor

No one wants to go to the doctor (unless it's for some kinky doctor roleplay). You’ll probably have to pee in a cup. They may draw blood and needles might be fine when you’re getting kinky (or not), but the sterile environment of a lab isn’t the same. But annual physicals and screenings and other check-ups are a way to keep you and your partner healthy and able to get your kink on for a long time.

At the same time, your partner needs to go to the doctor when they’re sick and cold medicine isn’t helping. They may require antibiotics or steroids to kick the nasty bug they’ve got. When they protest, remind your partner that you can’t have kinky fun together while they're hacking up a lung or spewing snot everywhere. They ignore this BDSM aftercare tip at their peril.
 

Healthy eating and exercise

Right after my Dominant and I moved in together, we went through a period where we relaxed just a little too much. We ate everything that tasted good, and the only exercise we got was the wild sex and kinky scenes we had together. There’s nothing wrong with that, but eventually, we got to a point where our pants didn’t fit anymore.

If either of you hates the idea of “diets” or crazy workouts, here’s something to make you feel a little better - you don’t have to do a fast or a weird diet to get healthier. Adding more vegetables and fruits to your diet is good. Replacing soda with water is an option. Walking for 30 minutes is a workout, especially if you’re usually sitting around on your butt. Best of all, it’s something you can do together.
 

Get enough sleep

This untypical BDSM aftercare rule is one of the most important of them all - no one gets enough sleep anymore. We wake up with a phone in our hand, and we go to sleep staring at a screen. Not only are we walking zombies fueled by and caffeine to make it through our day, but we’re also wrecking our health because of it.

Getting to bed earlier isn’t easy for most people. Parents have kids to deal with. Plenty of people work long hours and don’t want to give up what little leisure time they have to get more sleep. Not getting enough sleep makes us sick. When I brought this up to my Dominant, one of the arguments I made for why we needed to get to bed earlier and sleep more was that we would have better, longer, and more kinky fuckery. And it worked - we get more sleep and more kinky fun.

Taking care of your kinky partner can take on so many forms. It isn't just about the post-sex BDSM aftercare. Moreover, it doesn’t matter whether you’re the Dominant or submissive; we each have a part to play in our relationship. Taking some time to focus on your partner’s health and well-being will help both of you - in and out of bed. 

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. 

How do you practice BDSM aftercare? And what do you do to ensure you stay in good health for kinky fun all year round? Tell us in the Fetish.com forum. 
 

All images (unless otherwise stated): via Shutterstock.com