Our Guide to BDSM Primal Play

Some of us like to let our inner animal shine through in our kinky lifestyles. We asked Kayla Lords to help us dig a little deeper and understand what it means to be primal. 

What does it mean to be primal?

Ever heard someone refer to themselves not as Dominant or submissive but as primal? Maybe they’re both? Like everything else within the BDSM spectrum, you are what you decide you are and labels don’t mean as much as we think they do. But while we’re focusing on the way some kinksters group themselves into families or houses, we can’t ignore the primal pack.

Plenty of people consider themselves “primal” without the need to find or build a pack of like-minded kinksters. Plenty of kinksters find their primal side with a primary partner, and that’s enough for them. But for the primals who form a cohesive group, as leather families do, their pack is their family, and for some, their everything.

Letting out raw emotions is part of being primal.

Understanding primal

Everyone who feels primal will define it a little differently and behave in a way that suits their personality and relationship. For the most part, being primal is about experiencing raw, pure emotions and acting on instinctual behaviour. This is a time when the civilised mask of the vanilla world slips off, and a primal person becomes more animalistic.

Don’t confuse “animalistic” with a rabid animal foaming at the mouth. Yes, they can be what we might consider “cruel”, but in fact, they’re reacting based on raw emotions. It’s not all teeth-baring, biting, and scratching - although that is one of the many ways primals “play.” It can be giggling, cuddling, and tickling, too. Many primals go with what feels right and good at the moment, acting on instinct alone, in reaction to the person they’re with. This can come across as a challenge for dominance or a playful moment.

Primal play isn't pet play

While many primals identify with a specific animal (wolves are common but not the only option) and may engage in pet play, the two can be distinctly different. Instead of handlers, leashes, and a clear “Master” or “Dominant,” two (or more) partners may fight for dominance with each other. This can be as painful or violent as the primals want while remaining within their limits. Because of the possibility of violence, though, primal play is considered edge play.

When someone goes primal, they may give in to their most base, animal instincts. Biting, scratching, and potential harm are all possible factors. This isn’t your average scene with a spanking bench and a flogger. Primals may roll around on the floor, wrestle, and genuinely fight each other. Bloody knuckles, scratch marks, and bites are not unheard of.

What are primal packs?

Like any other group of kinksters, primals sometimes organise themselves into groups often called packs. This can be a group of friends who come together as like-minded people to form a small community. Or a primal pack may have a strict hierarchy with each individual understanding their place. Typically one person will be the head of the pack, frequently denoted as an “Alpha.” How complex that hierarchy becomes - alpha, beta, omega, etc. - is up to the pack and what works for them.

Depending on how the members of the pack express their primal side, there may be fights for dominance among the members. This is sometimes a test of the Alpha to determine their fitness to lead - much like a wolf pack or a lion pride. Being the head of the pack isn’t always about physical strength. Sometimes, the best leader is the most competent person who takes care of the group. 

Being primal isn't all about kinky sex

For some people, the pack is a safe place when life gets rough. They can be a part of a group that allows them to fight, fuck, or cuddle, depending on what their needs are. In other packs, everyone lives together or spends as much time together as possible and embraces the primal side of themselves whenever possible.

Not all primals are constant fuck-fests or a bunch of people snarling and baring their teeth at each other. Sure, that happens, and for some packs, they’re able to act on their aggressive feelings and needs in a safe space. For many packs, their purpose is to build trust among members and create their own family. The pack is everything, and members’ loyalty isn’t just to each other as individuals but the group as a whole. While their expression may be wilder and grittier than other types of families, the goal is the same - a group that embraces your self-expression and who you are as a person, regardless of your kinks.

Like any group of kinksters, communication, trust, and honesty are necessary to make the primal pack work in a healthy way for everyone. Packs will grow and change over time, as the needs of the members change. For many people who join primal packs, they find a family they never had before, and they become devoted to their pack members who embrace their primal side instead of judging it.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. 

Are you in a primal pack? If you're looking for other primals to chat to, join Fetish.com today for free.

Images via: Blue Goa via Flickr.com CC BY 2.0 license