Are you a hopeless romantic looking for happily ever after? How about one of those independent types, like me, who desires a deep level of intimacy but without the ‘you complete me’ part? These two relationship styles are vastly different! While in some cases they may overlap, I often find that they aren’t compatible.
Why does the romance vs intimacy debate matter? When you’re getting on a dating site and putting out there for the world what you’re looking for, knowing if you want romance or independent intimacy is key to finding the right partner! Let’s take a look at the two styles…
Romance vs Intimacy: The Two Relationship Types
The Happily Ever After Types
With happily ever after seekers, there are usually dates involved, snuggling on the couch, maybe sharing a bed while your feet are tangled and your heads touching, and other things that support a more romantic style of relationship. There’s often a desire to fall madly and deeply in love and your focus is mainly on one another. While this is fantastic for people looking for that you-complete-me connection, it’s not going to work for the more independent daters.
The Independent With Deep Intimacy Types
These types of daters often like dates as well, but when it comes to cuddling, that might not work so well for them. Their focus might be heavily on the new partner—especially in the ‘getting to know you’ phase—but may also include others as well. There is no desire for the ‘you complete me’ because these types are independent. But this doesn’t mean they don’t like a deep level of intimacy. As I know!
I don’t seek epic romances, but I love independent partners that I can connect with on a deep and intimate level. When I am with that person, they are the center of my focus. But once I’m gone, there may be others that take my focus. Or possibly my projects. Or events I’m planning. I have a busy life and multiple partners, so while I want that deep connection, I also want my space and independence afterward. And this is great for me to know!
No matter what type of relationship you’re seeking, it’s important, to be honest, and upfront with the other person. I’ve seen terrible things happen, followed by a great deal of heartache, when a hopeless romantic tries to be an independent dater. Or when the independent dater tries to be more of the ‘you complete me’ type. There are many folks out there, so know that you are worth finding a partner that aligns with your needs.
Romance isn’t just new relationship energy. Some people are romantic overall, in every walk of life. They connect just as profoundly as independent folks with desires for deep intimacy. And the opposite is just as true. Knowing who we are and what we need means we can be honest with others and find a partner(s)
that meet all our most delicious desires!
Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. Follow her at siennasaintcyr.wordpress.com or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.