It's no shock to anyone who's even a little bit kinky that the part most people focus on is the sexy, erotic, fun stuff we do with one another. But does submission outside the bedroom also work? In the world of living as a 24/7 submissive, that means serving your dominant, but also forced orgasms, withheld orgasms, floggings, spankings, sex toys, and plenty of deliciously kinky play that ultimately leads to one or both of us collapsing into bed amid wet sheets and the thick smell of sex hanging in the air.

But what's the best way of serving your Dominant outside the bedroom?


When we share what we like about BDSM, specifically Dominance and submission (D/s), this is part of the picture we paint. Knock-your-socks off, dripping good time sex.

For those who prefer to keep it to the bedroom, no problem. Do what feels best for you. Others of you want more, though. D/s isn't just about sex and a power exchange in the bedroom. There are plenty of ways to serve your Dominant outside the bedroom, too.

#1 Submission Outside the Bedroom: Ask What You Can Do For Your Dominant


I don't know about you, but my Dominant knows what he likes, how he likes it, and how he thinks it should be done (whatever “it” might be). Communication is already such a key element to BDSM and D/s that this part may be the easiest thing you do. Be direct and simply ask, “How can I serve you in other ways?”

As part of open communication, I don't think there's anything wrong with making suggestions about what you want to do or think could be done to help your Dominant or make their life a bit easier. Like anything else, though, they have the final say. Hard limits apply here, too. If there's something that falls within your limits, tell your Dominant. No matter how much it seems they are, they really aren't mind readers.

#2 Submission Outside the Bedroom: Show Respect


serving-dominant-outside-bedroom-2I've got two inquisitive (read: nosy) little boys. Much of our D/s dynamic has to be hidden when they're around, but it doesn't mean we ignore it completely. Some things, like making sure his water glass stays full during dinner, are so innocuous, no one notices anything strange when I do them. The same is true of the respect I show him when we're not alone.

Regardless of who's around, I serve my Dominant in a way he expects and appreciates. I'm not rude or disrespectful to him. Likewise, he's equally polite to me. Any tasks that are safe for the prying eyes of nosy family members are completed without reminders. We don't yell or argue in front of anyone. I know that disobedience and disrespect won't be forgotten or ignored – it will simply be dealt with later, and not in a way that I'll enjoy.

#3 Submission Outside the Bedroom: Completing Specific Tasks


The tasks submissive complete for our Dominants are as varied as we are. In a non-sexual way, this can be anything from cooking meals to serving your Dominant before others. In my relationship, I make his coffee, prepare the lunch he'll take to work each day, get his breakfast ready, kneel during specific tasks, pull down the bed at night, and a million other small things that have nothing to do with sex.

Many tasks will help make your Dominant's life a little easier, but some help keep you in a submissive mindset – something we all need when the outside world intrudes. Your Dominant might dictate your wardrobe each day, require that you to sleep in cuffs and a collar, or kneel at specific times. Eventually, simply thinking of those requirements and tasks will help you “feel” more submissive before you've even completed them. From my point of view, that's very helpful when I've fussed at uncooperative children or dealt with demanding clients all day long.

The key to making D/s work in and out of the bedroom is always going to be communication. You need to be able to tell your Dominant when you're sick or hurt – to avoid asking you to do things that could worsen your condition like kneeling when you're injured. You also should feel comfortable asking for more responsibilities or letting your Dominant know when you're overwhelmed. Yes, you want to make their life easier and serve them as a good and obedient submissive. But, as many Dominants seem to say, they can't play with a broken toy. Overdoing it, making yourself sick, and suffering silently don't help either of you. Taking care of yourself and knowing your limits is one of the most important ways of serving your dominant, too.

Ultimately, if you want to bring your D/s relationship out of the bedroom, even without asking what you should do, take a look at the life you share and simply start helping where you can. Show respect, be polite, and do as they ask. It's not always as much fun as the mind-blowing sex, but it's can be as rewarding and fulfilling.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @Kaylalords.

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