Dominance and submission aren't just about sex and a power exchange in the bedroom. There are plenty of ways for a submissive to serve a Dominant outside the bedroom, too.
I don't know about you, but my Dominant knows what he likes, how he likes it, and how he thinks it should be done. Communication is already such a key element of BDSM and dominance and submission that this part may be the easiest thing you do. Be direct and simply ask, “How can I serve you in other ways?”
As part of open communication, there's nothing wrong with the submissive making suggestions about what could be done to help the Dominant. But like anything else, the Dominant has the final say. Additionally, hard limits apply here. If there's something that falls within your limits, tell your Dominant. He or she is not a mind reader.
I've got two inquisitive (read: nosy) little boys. Much of our dominance and submission dynamic has to be hidden when they're around, but it doesn't mean we ignore it completely. Some things, like making sure his water glass stays full during dinner, are so innocuous, no one notices anything strange when I do them. The same is true of the respect a submissive like me shows him when we're not alone.
Regardless of who's around, I serve my Dominant in a way he expects and appreciates. I'm not rude or disrespectful to him. Likewise, he's equally polite to me.
Moreover, any tasks that are safe for the prying eyes of nosy family members are completed without reminders. We don't yell or argue in front of anyone. I know that disobedience and disrespect won't be forgotten or ignored – it will simply be dealt with later, and not in a way that I'll enjoy.
The tasks that a submissive completes for a dominant are as varied as we are. In a non-sexual way, this can be anything from cooking meals to serving your Dominant before others. Many tasks will help make your Dominant's life a little easier, but some help keep you in a submissive mindset – something we all need when the outside world intrudes. For example, your Dominant might dictate your wardrobe each day, require that you sleep in cuffs and a collar, or kneel at specific times.
Eventually, simply thinking of those requirements and tasks will help you “feel” more submissive before you've even completed them. Indeed, this is very helpful when I've fussed at uncooperative children or dealt with demanding clients all day long.
The key to making dominance and submission work in and out of the bedroom is always going to be communication. You need to be able to tell your Dominant when you're sick or hurt – to avoid asking you to do things that could worsen your condition like kneeling when you're injured. Furthermore, you should also feel comfortable asking for more responsibilities or letting your Dominant know when you're overwhelmed.
Yes, you want to make their life easier and serve them as a good and obedient submissive. But, as many Dominants seem to say, they can't play with a broken toy. Overdoing it, making yourself sick, and suffering silently doesn't help either of you. Taking care of yourself and knowing your limits is one of the most important ways of serving your Dominant, too.
Overall, if you want to bring your dominance and submission relationship out of the bedroom, take a look at the life you share and simply start helping where you can. Show respect, be polite, and do as they ask. It's not always as much fun as the mind-blowing sex, but it's can be as rewarding and fulfilling.
Are you ready to take your BDSM play beyond the bedroom? Check out the Fetish.com forum for top tips.
Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 dominance and submission life. Follow her on Twitter @Kaylalords.
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