What do you know about the Caregiver/little lifestyle? Is there such a thing as being too old/fat/tall/etc. for your kink? Kayla Lords explores her DD/lg relationship and reveals issues she had to overcome to become the kinktastic little that she is today!
 
 

You Don’t Have to Be Physically Small to be a Little

 

The world of kink, BDSM, and fetish is filled with plenty of myths about what it means to be a kinkster.
 

  • Dominants are all white men in three-piece suits.
  • Submissives are lithe, fragile women who will kneel and bow before the strongest Dominant man.

 
Ugh. Those might be the two most common, but they’re not the only ones. We’ve talked about myths in BDSM before, but there’s one that gets under my skin and is enough to make me stomp my babygirl feet while dropping a few F-bombs.
 

“You’re too old/fat/tall to be a little.”
 

This one is said to both women and men. Apparently the only kinksters allowed to enjoy either age play or the Caregiver/little dynamic of Dominance and submission are people who look like adolescents. Well, I’m here to say, “Fuck that.”
 

When I first met my Daddy Dom, I cringed at one small detail. I am about an inch taller than him. If I wear my ‘fuck-me heels’ I tower over him.
 
I hated it.
 
Until the day he grabbed my hair and through his physical and mental strength pulled me to the floor until I was kneeling at his feet. “Who’s taller now?”
 
The only possible response was, “You, Daddy.” I never forgot that moment. It doesn’t matter how tall I am when we’re on equal footing in a vanilla world. As kinksters, he has the power and control, and he’s my Daddy Dom. Physical height is irrelevant.
 

Fast forward a couple of years. Living together after 18 months in a long distance relationship made us both complacent. We were living those “honeymoon” years where you stop paying attention to your diet, your wardrobe, or your looks. We both gained weight.
 

I, however, ended up 30 pounds heavier than him. Even now, after we’ve both gotten serious about our health, I’m still 15 pounds heavier. My ass and hips make my body wider than his, even though he’s got broad shoulders. My thighs are bigger. My stomach is fuller and softer. I’m not the biggest woman around, but I’m heavier and bigger than he is.
 

By some standards of thinking, I should put away my pigtails and my Hello Kitty blankie and resign myself to a life outside of the “Daddy/little” dynamic. I’m too big. Too fat. And hell, I’m in my mid-30s, so clearly I’m too old, right? Bullshit.
 

Man in ballerina tutu and crown

Littles come in all shapes, sizes and ages!

 

Never judge a person by their 'cover'... no matter how vanilla or non-kinky they look.

 

I know littles who are 60 and older. I know little boys that could be a linebacker on a football team (and probably were back in the day). I’ve met plenty of Daddies who are quiet and unassuming people. If you didn’t know them, you would never suspect they’ve got a sadistic side. They watch Disney movies, or are the only ones who can get their partner to calm the hell down and sit still (with a single look).
 

Being a Daddy or a Mommy, a little boy or a little girl has nothing to do with age, weight, height, clothing size, or any other physical attributes. Living and enjoying the Caregiver/little dynamic is a mindset. It’s about feeling safe enough to let a more vulnerable part of your psyche out to play. For the Dominants, it’s a way to be a nurturing, caring kind of person with your own playful side and finding a person who wants to be loved and nurtured in the way that works for you.
 

Get outta there!

 

If you find yourself in a group of kinksters and they make you feel like your dynamic is wrong because you don’t look the part or you don’t match their preconceived notions, put on your big girl or boy pants walk away from that group. Turning around and sticking your tongue out at them or threatening to tell your Daddy (or Mommy) is also an option.
 

For some reason, if you’re doubting your feelings or your relationship because you’ve internalized this false belief that our physical appearance makes the kinky dynamic and play, stop right now. Think about what makes you come alive and feel the most fulfilled as a kinkster. Remember all that matters is playing safe and having the consent of your partner. If your partner is just as willing to enjoy the Caregiver/little dynamic with you, that’s all that matters. Not your height, your weight, or your age.
 
 
Are you a Caregiver or a little? What does your relationship look like? It’s storytime! Share what works for you or maybe meet a new Daddy, Mommy or little on the forums. If you’re new here on Fetish.com spanks for reading! Why not get the full experience and sign up for a free membership?

 

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Tdh

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No you can not be too fat too old too tall too short, skinny etc it's all about being with the right person or persons for you. If they like you and are attracted to you and share your kink hobby or whatever and you feel the same then that's all that matters really. Enjoy what you do. 

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KaylaLords

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@Joker50 I wish the ageism and other exclusionary behavior was less common, but I know it's not. In my experience (which is only one side of things, of course) I see it more in kink play and scenes than I do in relationships. Although, in relationships, people can and do reject someone on appearances fairly quickly without getting to know them at all which limits their prospects and is definitely hurtful. I think all anyone can do is try to educate the general kink community and keep people who understand and aren't judgmental close to us and let the others who are judgmental go their own way. Eventually those 20 year old people will be 50 and older and they'll realize just how wrong they've gotten it. 

But knowing that doesn't make it any less hurtful or frustrating.

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kitty_clydesdale

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@Joker50 Ageism is a sad fact of life... It's all about communication! If age is important (even though it really shouldn't be) then that should be one of the first things discussed, not after the whole scene has been described and agreed upon.

A lot of influence still filters in from the media - young beautiful people get everything they want and everyone else has to work twice as hard for half as much.... It seems like the kink community should be the LAST place for this sort of behavior!

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Joker50

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I get where this article is coming from, it doesn't just apply to little's either, it is difficult to find someone who accepts that you are who you are. I enjoy my vanilla life but actually filling the kink side of my life, the things that actually make me part of what I am, as I get older this is becoming harder.

I am not the greatest on line conversationalist, so I avoid chat rooms especially when someone types asl and I reply truthfully, to get back 'you're too old to be here, this site is for young people' and when I enquire as to their age, get told they are 37 or 43. Its like they are still in touch with their youth but I can't possibly be. Yet people who meet me and don't know often think I am in my mid forties or very early fifties at a push.

And yes this applies to real life scenarios as well, especially the age gap. I met a woman who wanted to do a kidnapped scenario and make it last 24 to 36 hours. during which there was no limits and she was to be abused as much as I could think up. I gave her a few ideas along with more to be added but the clincher was how she kidnapped . She was up for it, all the way to almost agreeing the date of this.  It was then she asked me how old I was, I said does it matter ? you can be kidnapped by a man of any age. But yes it did, if I was over 25, I was too old. She was 20. 

So I can sympathise with the writer when she doesn't fit into the stereotype and doesn't get accepted, by a community that isn't supposed to judge and be open minded but in truth, especially in the UK and US, is probably the harshest judge of all.

 

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