The world of kink, BDSM, and fetish is filled with plenty of myths about what it means to be a kinkster.
Ugh. Those might be the two most common, but they’re not the only ones. We’ve talked about myths in BDSM before, but there’s one that gets under my skin and is enough to make me stomp my babygirl feet while dropping a few F-bombs.
This one is said to both women and men. Apparently the only kinksters allowed to enjoy either age play or the Caregiver/little dynamic of Dominance and submission are people who look like adolescents. Well, I’m here to say, “Fuck that.”
When I first met my Daddy Dom, I cringed at one small detail. I am about an inch taller than him. If I wear my ‘fuck-me heels’ I tower over him.
I hated it.
Until the day he grabbed my hair and through his physical and mental strength pulled me to the floor until I was kneeling at his feet. “Who’s taller now?”
The only possible response was, “You, Daddy.” I never forgot that moment. It doesn’t matter how tall I am when we’re on equal footing in a vanilla world. As kinksters, he has the power and control, and he’s my Daddy Dom. Physical height is irrelevant.
Fast forward a couple of years. Living together after 18 months in a long distance relationship made us both complacent. We were living those “honeymoon” years where you stop paying attention to your diet, your wardrobe, or your looks. We both gained weight.
I, however, ended up 30 pounds heavier than him. Even now, after we’ve both gotten serious about our health, I’m still 15 pounds heavier. My ass and hips make my body wider than his, even though he’s got broad shoulders. My thighs are bigger. My stomach is fuller and softer. I’m not the biggest woman around, but I’m heavier and bigger than he is.
By some standards of thinking, I should put away my pigtails and my Hello Kitty blankie and resign myself to a life outside of the “Daddy/little” dynamic. I’m too big. Too fat. And hell, I’m in my mid-30s, so clearly I’m too old, right? Bullshit.
Littles come in all shapes, sizes and ages!
I know littles who are 60 and older. I know little boys that could be a linebacker on a football team (and probably were back in the day). I’ve met plenty of Daddies who are quiet and unassuming people. If you didn’t know them, you would never suspect they’ve got a sadistic side. They watch Disney movies, or are the only ones who can get their partner to calm the hell down and sit still (with a single look).
Being a Daddy or a Mommy, a little boy or a little girl has nothing to do with age, weight, height, clothing size, or any other physical attributes. Living and enjoying the Caregiver/little dynamic is a mindset. It’s about feeling safe enough to let a more vulnerable part of your psyche out to play. For the Dominants, it’s a way to be a nurturing, caring kind of person with your own playful side and finding a person who wants to be loved and nurtured in the way that works for you.
If you find yourself in a group of kinksters and they make you feel like your dynamic is wrong because you don’t look the part or you don’t match their preconceived notions, put on your big girl or boy pants walk away from that group. Turning around and sticking your tongue out at them or threatening to tell your Daddy (or Mommy) is also an option.
For some reason, if you’re doubting your feelings or your relationship because you’ve internalized this false belief that our physical appearance makes the kinky dynamic and play, stop right now. Think about what makes you come alive and feel the most fulfilled as a kinkster. Remember all that matters is playing safe and having the consent of your partner. If your partner is just as willing to enjoy the Caregiver/little dynamic with you, that’s all that matters. Not your height, your weight, or your age.
Are you a Caregiver or a little? What does your relationship look like? It’s storytime! Share what works for you or maybe meet a new Daddy, Mommy or little on the forums. If you’re new here on Fetish.com spanks for reading! Why not get the full experience and sign up for a free membership?
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