When my Dom first told me he wanted me to be a more powerful submissive, I thought he was secretly telling me he no longer wanted me to submit to him. This was a huge assumption on my part and completely inaccurate.
The realisation of what Total Power Exchange (TPE) is caught my attention because it illustrated a huge problem with the way so many people in my life have looked at submissives. Too often people assume that a submissive must be weak, passive, and powerless. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
In reality, for a total power exchange to work properly, the submissive must also be strong, direct, brave and powerful. What my Dom wanted was for me as a submissive to be at my best. He wanted me to be happy, confident, secure, sexy and powerful. Because being at my best meant that I would be submitting to him with enthusiasm, not desperation. Moreover, it meant I was handing over that much more power to him. Something I wouldn’t be able to do if I were weak or passive.
If a submissive has no power to give, how can they hand it over? Incorrect assumptions about being a submissive in a total power exchange come from bad movies, books and articles. These have often been created by people who have or have had an unhealthy D/s relationship.
Powerful submission became clear the first time I was able to stand tall, smiling and confident in front of my Dom. I had the feeling of all of my power surging through me. Moreover, I could look my Dom in the eye and have a total power exchange with him.
This kind of total power exchange was intense, and far more sensational than any time I’d submitted to him previously. Crucially, my Dom's response to me was stronger when I was a powerful submissive.
When I began embracing my Dominant side, I didn’t understand this concept yet. The first girls that submitted to me weren’t at their peak of power. So while spanking them and pulling their hair offered fun, there was a lack of total power exchange that I’ve now come to crave.
These girls slouched, were bratty, and often couldn’t articulate who they were or what they needed from me. This left me having to guess what their needs were, and ultimately this bored me.
Then I logged into FetLife, and a submissive girl popped up on my feed. She was only twenty, which is out of my age range, but something about her caught my eye. She’d referred to herself as ‘prey’ and with one little claim showed me she was already far ahead of the others.
This girl was proud of who she was. Her ability to be a powerful submissive brought out more power in me, as I knew if I wanted to pursue her, I’d need to be at my peak of power as well. The level of power play was hot!
Being a powerful submissive doesn’t mean you have to know everything or be perfect. What it means is striving for growth and owning who you are. It means standing tall, with shoulders back, and being confident and brave and direct and strong. As a result, when you have a total power exchange, you are giving that much more.
Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.
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