Your kinky friends might seem a bit 'disturbed' but vanillas can learn a lot from the way their fetish friends communicate with each other.


Did you know that in 2013 BDSM sexual practices were listed in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders? The DSMMD is the bible for mental health professionals. It gives them a way to identify the signs and symptoms of each disorder and form an accurate diagnosis. As far as some top psychiatrists are concerned, if chains and whips excite you, you may need help. However, before you rush off to book an appointment with the sexiest therapist you can find; hold on....there’s also plenty of evidence to show that BDSM can lead to a happier relationship, greater peace of mind and increased sexual gratification. Even if you're not, here's what you could learn from your kinky friends.



We’re honest about our desires and passions


learn from your kinky friendsYour kinky friends are expressing their sexuality in a genuine way. They know what they like to do and are willing to explain it to each other - no secrets. The emotional release this brings is immense in comparison to someone who represses their need for a good spanking and continues to make do with dull vanilla sex. The longer that goes on the unhealthier and less fulfilling it becomes, maybe even leading to infidelity or indifference. In a good BDSM relationship both people appreciate the other's journey and have made a huge emotional commitment to be there. Coupled with the need to share so much intimate knowledge, S&M lovers have the recipe for a tight bond.



Taking sexual health and emotional wellbeing seriously from the start


The mantra we’ve all heard in relation to fetish sex is ‘safe, sane and consensual’. We take the time to discuss the way a scene is going to play out, the best way to use toys and how keep everyone out of harm whilst doing so. Sadomasochism is moderated within a relationship by safewords and each player knows what is expected of them in any scenario. Everyone’s reaction to being involved in bondage is different. To make sure they can work through these complex feelings and keep the comedown in check, S&M lovers use aftercare. This can include chatting, keeping warm and often eating together. That’s not to say that vanilla couples don’t spend time talking after sex, but it’s the level of attention that your kinky friends are giving it in their bondage focused relationships which makes people feel comforted and valued by the experience.



Better communication equals more intimacy


When you’re involved in bondage you are more likely to have honest and open lines of communication with your lover. This is because negotiating how far you are willing to go, what you’d like to try and the way it plays out, is central to good BDSM. Interactions that leave one person vulnerable, like being tied up, gagged and blindfolded, build trust – you wouldn’t let someone do that unless you had 100% faith in their intentions. Vanilla couples are more likely to chat about problems with their sex lives, than which knot to use for a new sadomasochistic Japanese rope trick.


learn from your kinky friends



More variety and those wonderful toys


Many people see kinky sex as a way of rewarding each other with sexual favours. Most of us would dispute that as being somewhat one sided, but it’s got some validity. Rather than repeating the same formulaic actions at bedtime, BDSM play involves acting out your joint fantasies, or those you have as an individual. By going along with what their partners enjoy, your kinky friends get to experience more variety, not just in foreplay but in the ways penetrative sex happens as well. New toys and outfits are always available, giving you all the encouragement and inspiration you need to test them out yourself.



BDSM creates a natural high


A good bondage scene not only cements the bond between S&M lovers, it also encourages a flood of hormones that take the sub to another level. Knots and toys can be carefully positioned to stimulate erogenous zones and overwhelm a person with pleasure. This, combined with the psychological effect of being bound and feeling a degree of pain, causes the release of a number of hormones. Lactic acid builds up in strained muscles, which feels good to many S&M lovers, and the body reacts to pain by releasing endorphins – your happy hormone. This subsequent rush causes many people acting as the sub to experience a woozy, dreamlike state, known in the community as ‘subspace’ or ‘ropestoned’.



© Poulsons Photography / Dollar Photo Club und michelaubryphoto / Dollar Photo Club

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