One of the hardest aspects of being in the BDSM community has been accepting that there are things that don’t always align with my personal beliefs outside of the community. The feminization of men is one such area.

When I was younger, I had no issues at all with dressing up my male friends as gurls. At that time, it wasn’t about anything other than putting them in their places. Their attitudes toward women made me angry, so naturally, I made them my gurls. But I was in my early teens, and unaware of ramifications of my actions in others’ eyes. It was simply fun, and they loved it. Walking behind me at the grocery store as my pretty princesses made them blush in the most adorable ways.

But that was years ago.

Recently I added feminization to my Fetlife profile

I began getting several messages a day from men wanting me to make them my gurls. These are men from all walks of life, with a vast array of jobs. The requests aren’t just from cismales either. I was shocked at the amount of requests—not attacks—I got.

I wondered, How could so many people be okay with this and not think I’m the most sexist person on the planet?
Maybe some do see it as sexist/cissexist. But then, I like being called a cunt and slut, and those are sexist. This all falls under a form of humiliation, and that is powerful.

I asked some of them what their interests are and feelings around being a gurl. They ranged from enjoying dresses and lingerie to understanding what it is to be feminine. To some, it means to be soft and emotional in a society that still expects men to be strong and brave all the time, while others just want to be pegged. There are many reasons, and the bottom line is this…


Who am I to judge anyone else’s kink?

We all have things we like and don’t. We don’t have to understand what others’ likes are and why. All we need to do is be supportive.

Personally, I don’t see gender. I feel energy. There are some with neutral energy, both equally feminine and masculine, others with more feminine energy, and some more masculine. And rarely does the born gender align completely with the energy I feel around that person. So my interests in feminizing tend to be around energy rather than a physical need, and that’s okay too.

The beauty of BDSM is that it allows us to explore aspects of existence that might not be accepted outside the community. Our openness allows us to move past societal expectations and forces us to question our assumptions and understandings of what masculine and feminine really mean. Feminization can happen to tomboys as much as cismales. When it’s a shift of energy, it’s not just playing dress up or being pegged.

Feminization is one of the most beautiful and powerful things I’ve had the honor to be a part of.

Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. Follow her on her website or on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.

Images by wolfi_m and alan schoolar via Flickr with CC BY 2.0 license


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[…] that means a pain slut transforming pain into pleasure, Daddy’s princess being pampered, a gurl experiencing extreme humiliation, or something else […]

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