Continuing March's theme of Women's Month, we ask, 'is being a rigger – or rope top – only a men’s game'? Well, of course not, argues writer Stella Harris. She talks to female rope bondage tops about their experiences, perceptions and assumptions of gender roles.  


 

The prevailing norm in public play is men in the top or Dominant role while women are expected to be the bottoms or the submissives. However, the women that I spoke to have their own take on gender roles and of misconceptions surrounding female riggers.


“In private, I don't believe there is any real difference between a female or male rope top,” explains The Soulless Ginger. “The practice of Shibari itself is very personal and individual. In its simplest form, Shibari is a top, a bottom, and the rope. Any variables in dynamic, roles, intentions, participants, gender etc. only matter to the individuals involved.”

 

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“It's not until we enter the public arena that these factors outside of ourselves begin to have relevance. Then we're dealing with normative social influence. Males make up the majority of tops in both the BDSM and Rope communities, and this lends itself to the perception of patriarchy and gender bias.”

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Ready to be rigged by a female rope top? shutterstock/Catalin Grigoriu
 

Women as owned objects: from fashion to porn

The discourse on women as public property is wide and varied – and is no different in rope bondage. Because kink is just another slice of society, this attitude bleeds into the scene. And it doesn't only come up when women are dominating men in scenes involving rope bondage. Many venues and parties have to stress only touching with consent, and even with this listed in the party rules and sometimes posted on the walls, men need reminding.
 

“The nature of rope bondage is that it requires close, intimate contact and attention to detail. Skills that are typically attributed to women.”


“Being a female rope top is hard, and if one more person makes a joke about how that's because we do it in high heels and corsets I'll scream,” says CindyLouWho. “Rigging in those things is hard, but what's really hard about being a female rope top is how no one takes you seriously. It seems that no matter what you do, people assume you're there to get naked.”
 

Female rope bondage: inappropriate assumptions

I was once playing with a male partner who was also a switch: we did a rope bondage scene in the main room where I was stripped down to panties in the bondage stocks, and he was flogging me. We had a small, respectful audience.


A little later that evening I had him tied to the interrogation chair, and as we were beginning our scene, a man came into the room, put his hand on my hip and said: “I liked it better when you were naked.” What would make him feel like that was appropriate?


All of us who frequent and create sex-positive spaces need to recognize that merely calling something a safe space doesn’t make it so. Party organizers, Dungeon Monitors, and members of the community all need to be aware of the prevalence of this behavior and work to prevent it before any more players are made to feel unwelcome. It shouldn’t be our job to educate the ignorant one person at a time, but if we don’t do it, who will?

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Female rope tops are part of the BDSM scene too

 

The rope bondage community is diverse

We can all learn from each other if there are a variety of voices to be heard. But if we let things distill down to ‘one true way’ of thinking, there will be no new ideas put forward. But it’s not all gloom and doom. The Soulless Ginger also notes: “Honestly, I haven't experienced any of that [bias] first hand as a female rope top. If anything, those gender biases have been to my advantage and helped to create more opportunities for myself and my partner to perform and present in the public scene.”

 

“Males make up the majority of tops in both the BDSM and Rope communities, and this lends itself to the perception of patriarchy and gender bias.”


“My journey in rope bondage has been facilitated by the over-arching perceptions of a female's role in Shibari both as a bottom and a top. Are there challenges and benefits of being a female rope top? Yes. Do they matter? Only in the way we let them.”
 

Rope bondage is perfect for women dominating men

If as women dominating men, we’re looked at as a novelty, we can use that attention to our advantage and work to change minds. Even if the initial interest comes from less than ideal motivation, in the end, those watching may see that women can be just as skilled as men. Maybe even more so. The nature of rope bondage is that it requires close, intimate contact and attention to detail. Skills that are typically attributed to women. So even those with a gender bias should lose their own argument. 


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I'm contrary by nature and being told I can’t do something is great motivation. I find myself eager to improve my rope bondage skills and tie in public as much to buck the norm as for my own pleasure. •

 

Stella Harris is an author, educator, and coach who focuses on sex, kink, and intimacy. Through her writing and teaching, she explores the complex world of love and lust and strives to help people explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. 

Where have you encountered sexism and misconceptions about gender roles on the kink scene and women dominating men? Let us know in the kinky forum.

BDSM Forum. Join the  discussion | Fetish.com
Main image: shutterstock/Anna55555

 
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MistressWhipplash

Posted

*Shibari

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MistressWhipplash

Posted

I have found plenty of rope Top woman pals are taken seriously. Personally I give free form shikari but as a Dominant Woman Sadist. I like to control using rope and other forms of BDSM play.

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tightwinky

Posted

Virgin ass here deperate for a poundinggg
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KinziRoze

Posted

Love Rope Play 💦😈

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ro****

Posted

Oh, my friend isn't going to a party tonight and have a female gay friend looking for a rope top, so if anyone knows any in Newcastle NzSW Australia, who may be going to labyrinth, would like their help 🤣
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ro****

Posted

Nope. I have a few female rope top friends, one who has a business selling rope and supplies. She is my go-to for topping friends looking for a top at parties. (I don't do rope, am leather bondage)
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Shenna

Posted

Nexumsange it says in the article March being women's month. As in national womans day.
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Sh****

Posted

I think it is hard to find female riggers. I am a bratty sub myself and a rope bunny longing for a passionate nice bondage relationship. But most of the girls I've dated are vanilla or submissive.
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Ne****

Posted

2 hours ago, Tanja_Konrad said:
Why don't you put the same question on a not binary way ?

It’s worth consideration and discussion for sure. I think it might need to be a separate entry rather than trying to make this concept all-inclusive.. it could also be mostly a case of ease of conveying the main point and not getting bogged down in the actual words /print. We do what we can and I’d certainly support a proposed compromise etc.

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su****

Posted

I been looking for a female rigger in southeast Georgia/ jax, fl area...
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jc****

Posted

I’ve never been bound and gagged by a man before
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Ta****

Posted

Why don't you put the same question on a not binary way ?
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sw****

Posted

Send one my way
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Posted

My Mistress has just started using shibari on me and I absolutely LOVE it!!

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xe****

Posted

I would imagine it's like everything else. Its rare for a woman to be a top or Dom. No one prevents women from doing anything they want but you can't *** a person regardless of identity to do something they don't want to do. Sadly people of the salty nature see that as sexism against women.
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Pa****

Posted

You'd be surprised how common the reverse is as well haha. Lots of submissive women check my profile then leave without a word.
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Posted

I love thia part ..."Shibari is a top,bottom and the rope!" Love this perspective.

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Posted

I want to find a woman who can take charge and be loving and adoring at the same time

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lo****

Posted

No not at all , wherever have you been all my life

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MisstressStorm

Posted

And all ya men …It’s not about all you want/ desire/ prefer 🤦‍♀️ It’s about the Domme. Bend the knee Boi Mistress Storm 😇
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pe****

Posted

I prefer to be dominated by a woman who will discipline me and have me obey her
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GreyWolf71

Posted

Need to be wolfy with someone
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fantasyswitchcouple

Posted

I need a female rigger in my life plz

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MisstressStorm

Posted

I disagree- Women have a different vibe , even Dommes. The way I rope is a different sweet *** than Doms. A game changer 🖤

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sissy_petra_uk_slut

Posted

Its down to trust, if you trust the rigger male or female why not. Should there be any difference who is using the ropes. If a female or male felt they were not competent they hopefully would not do it. I would be more than happy for one

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sw****

Posted

Send them my way pls

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MisstressStorm

Posted

Tired of males looking at my profile , thinking I’m a sub/ bottom because I am a Woman. To be a Rigger is, playing to a Domme’s Dominant side . For me Rope is essential for my experience of restraining a sub. The whole process from beginning to end , makes me whole 🖤
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x2****

Posted

Not one the ones i know dont take them seriously at your own risk

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Esinem

Posted

@TwistedBinds Nice to see my business partner and ex, Nina russ, get an honourable mention :-)  Take a look at Milla Reika  and Miumi-U

There are probably more female riggers than you realise but I think a lot are pro-Dommes who combine it with other skills. This seems to be the case in Japan.

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Timbo62

Posted

I would enjoy having a female rope expert work her magic on me.  It's only fair and as we should submissive men and dominant women are common, so why not?  Tie me up to your heart's content, Ma'am, render me *** and have your way with me....you've more than earned full power.

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Tw****

Posted

There are lots of great female riggers RopeBoi , Nina Russ to name a few.

At Anatomie Studio and it is common to find female riggers and male models and the reverse as well. The idea that only male tie is really bad and ignores/demeans  the dynamic the partners have.

Also, anyone butting in to "help" shows an amazing disrespect for both the rigger and model.

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