There are so many forms of humiliation. As a sub, I make sure to state what I’m okay with and not. Generally, it’s, “No kids around and don’t do anything to get me arrested”. Other than that, I’m open, which might get me into some humiliating trouble now that I’ve said this.
Being put in my place does great things for me. When I’m called stupid, I laugh with such joy. It feels fantastic, but only coming from my Dom. If someone else said that to me, they’d likely get punched.
There is a great deal of trust between my Dom and I. He spent months building that before dipping into the humiliation fetish. By the time I submitted in person, he knew without a doubt that I’d love every second of him using me in front of his guests. It was so damn hot! And they sure had something to remember me by. Him taking those steps, even asking me if I was ready to try some degrading play, made all the difference.
I use these same tactics when I take a subby girl out too. In one instance, I made a girl read one of my erotic stories aloud. In a restaurant! I first suggested that I might have her do that, then I watched her body language. I asked if she was ready for me to push her boundaries and she said yes. So I instructed her to read it.
Of course, she didn’t know that there was no one sitting in close enough range to hear her. All she knew was that I told her to read a story—one which made her think of me doing all those lovely and terrible things to her—and her obedience was hot for both of us. There is something about those pink cheeks, that catch of the breath as the submissive chooses to move past discomfort and obey, that makes it such a wonderful form of play.
Venturing down this road also means having a plan in case things go wrong. Even with all the preparation in the world, stuff happens. Words jab at us in ways that aren’t always predictable, and if that occurs, subs need to know that they are safe. They need to know that the Dominant will comfort them and make everything better. Even a bad reaction can build more trust in a humiliation fetish and end with success if handled correctly.
Humiliation is powerful and hot because it forces me to move past things I wouldn’t usually. It gives me authority over words and experiences that have controlled me before this.
I love being called stupid now, but this wasn’t always the case. Indeed people from my past used to call me that to bully and hurt me. But because my Dom often tells me how intelligent I am, when he calls me stupid, I melt. In a good way.
'Little Stupid' is a term of endearment with him in our humiliation fetish because I’m his 'Little Stupid'. Moreover, the term also serves to let me know my place under him and is a great reminder that when I’m in subspace, even the simplest words evade me.
He gave me power back over a word that was used to harm, and while this is just one little corner of what the humiliation fetish can offer, it’s a huge one. This same tactic can be applied to just about anything we struggle with. Whether it be words, body issues, worthiness, the problem is always workable. Even if that means crawling around a party, purring and nuzzling guests.
Humiliation shouldn’t be about harming another person. It should serve as a tool to move the submissive forward or to challenge him or her in some way. Whether it’s a full-time sub or a one-time play partner, a simple slap or public branding, humiliation turns up the heat and pushes boundaries.
Coming through a scene with humiliation is so rewarding. After all, if a sub can handle hanging upside down, performing oral, while getting a damn fine beating, what can’t he or she accomplish?
Sienna Saint-Cyr writes erotica and blogs about kink, poly, body image, and most things relating. Follow her on Twitter @siennasaintcyr.
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