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Naughtybetty

The real Dom & the wannabe Dom

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Naughtybetty
Posted

It's my first time posting on here so be gentle... At first lol

 

I'm someone who is fascinated and intrigued by the d/S dynamic. For me, being either party in this partnership means having RESPECT for each other as well as GIVING your TIME, EFFORT &  ATTENTION. This kind of relationship is intense therefore anyone expecting to submit or be submitted to, should feel safe in  the knowledge that they are in a safe environment no matter the activities. 

 

I feel that 'wannabe' Doms, {heterosexual} don't understand this and think giving orders and being obeyed is how it works. A Dom has to be worthy of submission. It's earned with trust, respect and care. 

 

I love to please the man, but, only if my time and effort is appreciated. You get what you give. I personally get excited by eroticism, the tease and imaginative play. 

My opinion is that if you claim to be a dom, or want your partner to submit to you, be worthy of it. Show commitment, care and you have to be in tune with the other. Expecting submission is wrong. 

Personally, I want to submit to a true dom that will care for me, put in the time and respect my choice to be with him. Seems it's like finding a diamond amongst the fakes. 

I'm interested to know what you think.  Do you have advice on the matter? Have I got it all wrong? Am I deluded? 

  • Like 12
Posted
You’re not deluded, you allow someone to own you therefore it is their role to take care of all of your needs. Even when you are being shared it is their role to check you are always ok & safe There is a big difference between someone taking control of the situation & a bully. It makes me sad when I get messages that simply say ‘you want to fuck me slut’ or ‘show me your tits’ because these idiots feel that your submission makes you you weak & you’re just in this for a quick shag. Your role in play should never define you as being any less than anyone else. I spent many years as a Dom so I have seen it from both sides & know what I am willing to accept from a Dom, that is why I specify in my profile that I am a ‘strong minded & strong willed submissive’ Yes I’m happy to be humiliated & behave like a good slut in order to bring pleasure but I am not willing to be disrespected or bullied. I personally have no interest in a D/S longterm relationship I am just interested in building up conversations that then lead to one off or occasional play sessions so I need to know the people I am meeting can be totally trustworthy. This in itself has risks but I have also learnt that when one Dom is a bad egg it doesn’t take long for word to get around about them in this circle. You must always respect yourself & never allow anyone to disrespect you & boundaries must always be clear in a situation that requires so much trust.😊
  • Like 8
Posted
You aren’t deluded. What has worked in my experience has not been talking about sex in the first instance. Get to know him, what is he like, does he say what he’s going to do and does it? How does it work as a friendship in the firstly, could you trust him? Could you tell me things you have never told anyone else? Do you share similar ideas and thoughts? If you meet someone where all those questions are yes then start talking about more specific things..... good luck- I really think there is someone for everyone x
  • Like 5
Posted
Couldn’t agree more my last so called dom wanted me to call him sir within a few days etc then stopped txting me eventually he blocked me so not deluded we will find some one x
  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

 

4 hours ago, Naughtybetty said:

I'm someone who is fascinated and intrigued by the d/S dynamic. For me, being either party in this partnership means having RESPECT for each other as well as GIVING your TIME, EFFORT &  ATTENTION. This kind of relationship is intense therefore anyone expecting to submit or be submitted to, should feel safe in  the knowledge that they are in a safe environment no matter the activities. I feel that 'wannabe' Doms, {heterosexual} don't understand this and think giving orders and being obeyed is how it works. A Dom has to be worthy of submission. It's earned with trust, respect and care.

I love to please the man, but, only if my time and effort is appreciated. You get what you give. I personally get excited by eroticism, the tease and imaginative play. My opinion is that if you claim to be a dom, or want your partner to submit to you, be worthy of it. Show commitment, care and you have to be in tune with the other. Expecting submission is wrong. Personally, I want to submit to a true dom that will care for me, put in the time and respect my choice to be with him. Seems it's like finding a diamond amongst the fakes. 

I'm interested to know what you think.  Do you have advice on the matter? Have I got it all wrong? Am I deluded? 

Hi Naughtybetty. I have some advice on the matter from the perspective and POV of a genuine Dominant Master, but firstly let me say this; you have not gotten it all wrong and you are not in any way, shape or form deluded. In fact you have understood the D/s relationship dynamics perfectly well. I think the trouble that you have found or are continuing to find is that upon this site there are many, many men who have little or no experience in BDSM work or D/s relationships and unlike you they do not understand the very basics of BDSM play or  D/s relationships. Unlike you many of these men are not being as open and honest as they should be about their experience levels and are often lying and pretending to be Dom's, Master's or Daddies when they have either never played this role before or have have never cared enough to do some basic reading and research into the roles that they fantasize about playing with someone.

Now I do know that there are also genuine and real Dominants,  Masters and Daddies on this site (I have chatted to many in private) but from what my own partner and friends have told me they are fewer in number than many of the wannabe's or fakes, which would be fine if only those guys who want to be a Dom and have no experience of it would only admit that and ask for help in training themselves to be a good Dom/Master/Daddy etc. I can completely understand how frustrating it can be for you, Preciouspoppy and others in a similar position, but there are good genuine people on this site, so do not give up hope.

 

BigPolly and Firewitch have given some really sage advice and I would follow Firewitch's advice in starting by simply getting to know whoever it is your talking to without engaging in any sexual talk. Any good Genuine Dom/Master/Daddy will enjoy seducing you and earning your consent, honesty, respect, trust and ultimately your submission. For an Alpha Submissive lady like yourself Naughtybetty (at least that's how you come across to me) I feel you need the four pillars of a good D/s relationship to be in place before you would feel happy to grant your submission to anyone. 

 

Here's a little food for thought my friends, it explains what I consider to be the foundations of any good BDSM relationship I enter into and you should keep this in mind when looking for and choosing a new potential Dom/Master/Daddy.

The four tenets of everything I do in the BDSM world are as follows:

1 – Consent
2 – Honesty
3 – Respect
4 – Trust

These are the four pillars upon which I base the foundations of every relationship I form whether that be with other submissive types or other Dominant types.

1 – Consent is the number one priority to give as a submissive and to accept as a Dominant or Master.

2 – Honesty is the next priority, as without honesty I cannot get to know, but more importantly understand another submissive or Dom and vice versa.

3 – After honesty has been achieved and reciprocated naturally comes respect and this respect must always be worked at to be maintained in all aspect of any relationship; both as a Dominant Master towards a Submissive and as a Submissive towards a Dominant Master.

4 – Only once the first three steps are in place have you earned the trust of a Dominant Master or Submissive and it is this trust upon which good and lasting relationships are formed. Once you have trust then limits and boundaries can be explored safely and fantasies or new ideas be shared, accepted and expressed.

 

Edited by Robustlove
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  • Like 13
Posted
Your right In fact your spot on There are doms out there like that Unfortunately ladies / subs tend to go for the loudest and most arrogant Dom’s they see which tend to be the fakes Look past them to the quieter ones who sit and observe and think before they open there mouths there the ones who will rock your world to it’s foundations then help u rebuild it better and stronger Plenty of us around just get over looked by the Uber Dom’s lol
  • Like 8
Carnelian2
Posted

Respect and trust has to be the foundation of any relationship. It is deluded for anyone to think that D/s is any different. As a Switch, maybe, I can see it from both sides. Without trust and care, there is nothing.

Allright, so I am not hugely experienced from a long-term D/s relationship point of view and have an open mind as to where this journey takes me, but I see a lot of these basic principles as common sense. Regardless of what we call ourselves, we are all human beings, individuals and should be respected as such.

Apologies, if I rambled on a bit :-)

  • Like 8
Posted

I agree all 4 aspects should be throughly maintained and applied for any relationship lasting or not to be formed.

  • Like 3
Posted

I have to say to the OP that this is an excellent thread. I can’t really add much to all the great advice that has already been given.

 

Just remember one thing, for any true Dominant submission is a gift not a right, and submission must be earnt - continually. If a Dominant has not earnt it he has no right to ask or expect your submission. If he does not understand that one simple fact, you should walk away. 

  • Like 6
Posted

This was a really good read! I enjoyed my chat with you on this site. Although I am new to all this your 4 pillars are something I have had in my understanding for a long time. 

When I chat to a sub I like to get to know them first. I feel many like the fact I haven't thought of them as just a piece of meat to do anything I want to!

  • Like 6
Posted

Coming to this thread late, much has been said and the golden rules well stated. 

I like the juxt position of BDSM the depth and sincerity that is beautifully back dropped by simplicity and gratification. 

“Doms”  that present with ‘ grey tits ‘ wanna get on your knees ? I’ll rough you up! 

 

have missed the point and probably confused a sub with an easy win on a night out.

submission is not the free delivery of your body into a doms control, that is the by product ( mutually pleasurable benefit ) of giving him your mind. A slow and deliberate journey, a labour of love that involves the Dom not telling you that you can trust him but demonstrating over time that you can- showing trust and respect and sensitivity. Creating a place where your sub feels safe and secure enough let go of every inhibition or insecurity hard wired to protect her from vulnerability  is the duty of a real dom. oh the beautiful irony that find this sub then wanting to be dominated , pushed and indeed hurt to find pleasure .

Inocently and devishley mind blowing in its simplicity and depth. 

 

  • Like 4

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