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lordal01

Advice on BDSM

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lordal01
Posted

I'm a friend of a person who is starting to get into BDSM stuff, she is a submissive and has been relaying stuff to me on several things that are worrying from an outside perspective.

To start with her partner is apparently exercising the dominant role outside of the bedroom, in her daily life and - in her own words - training her. 

There has been times when he has bitten her harsh enough to draw blood.

And there have been times when he has choked her to a level when she was an inch from passing out.

Then there is the most recent case that she has told me. That of paddling and the consequences of it. (I'm sorry if I sound like a fool here, but not into BDSM and the culture)  She has told me several times of being sore after a session and I wasn't concerned. But as of the most recent time, I've been told that the sores have broken into painful purple blisters that make it very hard to relax or even sit.

 

I don't know if any of this is attention seeking and in a way, lies or half-truths. I've given advice to come to places like this and ask those who are in the community for information on what to do and how to deal with these issues but all I've got in return is stonewalling.

I've told her recently that my advice is always to learn more, but again this could be all a manipulation or a lie from  her and being confronted with people who actually know how to react with things like this might shed light on her falsehoods.

 

Part of this is to clear my conscience on this as apart from being her friend, I'm tired of hearing the same lines from her over and over.

So that's why I'm here asking for any personal or professional advice I can relay to her third party on this. If it isn't bullshit and it continues to escalate, I worry for her safety, but if there's nothing major to worry about or people here with more experience can see the lies plainly - or anything else really - I'd greatly appreciate any info you can give.

Thanks.

  • Like 2
Posted

There isn't anything here that in itself leads me to be concerned - if it is consensual and your fried is enjoying it,  then I think it's fine. All those things are within BDSM , though some at the extreme end. 

If you are worried that she's not enjoying it or it's not consenual talk to her about that.  I'm sure many other members will be able to offer advice too. 

  • Like 3
lordal01
Posted
4 hours ago, lordal01 said:

Thanks Victoria,  puts my mind at ease somewhat.

Posted
I would be paying close attention to those same one liners , if your being stone walled then you may never truthfully broach the topic of consent. Those one liners can offer an insight into her experience - are they on balance positive or other ? If despite what seems to an outsider as ‘abuse’ if she is enjoying herself then I would say things are more likely to be ok. If not then perhaps she is still figuring things out and hasn’t expressed herself to her dom. You sound like a good friend and are naturally concerned about the other possibility : That she has and isn’t being listened to or worse is being controlled / abused / coerced etc. My advice here would be you are the key - read read read - do your research on our culture and life style. Then you will be able to ask better questions in convo to ascertain if she and her dom have discussed all the necessities properly. All will be clear to you once you have done your homework. Get this right and you will look like you are just taking an interest. Well done you for checking in G
  • Like 5

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