Ghosting

[Deleted Member]

Anybody else find it terribly frustrating when u put effort and time in to somebody and then all of a sudden poof there gone without so much as a thanks but no thanks 

is it me or is the scene seriously lacking in manners and consideration at the moment ?

 

[MistressWhilplash]

Detailed pre scene chat including you assessing their facial expressions will help to avoid that.

[Deleted Member]

This was like 2-3 weeks after play But yes I do chat before Gave her a full run down of everything I’m not upset or anything I know sometimes people just don’t match but hell just do the decent thing and say that lol

[Browny649]

Totally agree, I don't know why I bother sometimes.

[Deleted Member]

I know why I bother 

because it’s who I am but I find since 50 shades came out the scene has basically become a kinky plenty of fish 

it’s so hard to find a committed sub 

[Pa****]

Sorry to say that the interest in kink has increased and some of the manners and etiquette have decreased. 

To be fair we can't just blame sub's, there are many Dom's progressing with the similar behaviour...seeking fast track kink and focusing on physical needs/desires.

I like having my manners and etiquette; I'm not going to let the times and the fashions erode these. Manners and etiquette are some of the simple little things I like about BDSM.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, PatientTraveller said:

Sorry to say that the interest in kink has increased and some of the manners and etiquette have decreased. 

To be fair we can't just blame sub's, there are many Dom's progressing with the similar behaviour...seeking fast track kink and focusing on physical needs/desires.

I like having my manners and etiquette; I'm not going to let the times and the fashions erode these. Manners and etiquette are some of the simple little things I like about BDSM.

 

 

My friend if I were in front of u now not only would I shake your hand I’d hug u as well 

I thought it was just me who thought along those lines 

[Deleted Member]

So many people like this unfortunately

[Robustlove]

9 hours ago, Deano677 said:

Anybody else find it terribly frustrating when u put effort and time in to somebody and then all of a sudden poof there gone without so much as a thanks but no thanks, is it me or is the scene seriously lacking in manners and consideration at the moment ?

I know why I bother, because it’s who I am but I find since 50 shades came out the scene has basically become a kinky plenty of fish 

it’s so hard to find a committed sub 

I hear you Deano677. The Fifty Shades effect has both it's positives and negatives. On the one hand it has brought many more kinksters out of their shells and helped them to gain the confidence to dive in and get involved in the kink world; the negative side being that it has also attracted a lot of people who may not necessarily be as committed or as genuinely interested in kink as us "old hands" may be and many of the simply sexually desperate or "curious to try", who often retreat back into their shells when they have had a taste.

I've also experienced the ghosting you speak of more and more over the past 3-4 years and unfortunately I think it is a sign of the times and the throwaway and instant gratification culture that seems so pervasive now in society. The rise in this type of instant gratification culture has caused an exponential rise in narcissism and in lock-step with that lovely behavioral trait a rise in selfishness, rudeness and in many ways ruthlessness. PatientTraveller has already mentioned that in these types of in people there also seems to be a lowering of manners, etiquette and basic common decency towards one another, or at least on some level a breakdown in people remembering how to genuinely interact and treat each other without a tablet, smartphone or computer to hide behind. It is for this reason that I now avoid many of the more bratty types of submissives, as they tend to be far more likely to ghost you like this and instead I would suggest keeping an eye out for those submissives who have more empathy for other people and have more of a caring side to their nature as they tend to me more genuine and would never thing of treating anyone in the way you were treated by this recent submissive. Best of luck for the future brother  

[Deleted Member]

There definitely are committed subs and I have no doubt you will find yours

[Deleted Member]

Just had it happen to just this weekend. I was in the course of writing a contract between me and a couple, sent them a message to say I’d created a group for us all on WhatsApp and got a one liner back saying they’d changed their minds and were blocking all forms of contact with them. So they spent Sunday cuddling each other for comfort and I spent the day feeling drained.

[Deleted Member]

Yes this is definitely happening from doms as well as subs

[Deleted Member]

I don’t think it’s at all one sided I know dons do it and it’s not right on our behalf as we are teaching new subs what to expect so next time it happens they think this is how it’s done and it’s not 

I also think these on line apps like fetish are basically a cattle market 

people talk to somebody then somebody else comes along then your constantly looking for the bbd bigger better deal 

so u never actually get to truly know anybody we all just get trapped on this Ferris wheel going around and around each being used for a pound of flesh 

[Deleted Member]

The main issue here is lacknof understanding I take my commitment to a sub and there commitment to me very very seriously some times things just don't match up and I've been there . The 50 shades thing as not been totally for the better yes its opened eyes and gained acceptance in some ways but there are always negatives with any positive ..

[Deleted Member]

I would recommend to anyone to get out into their local BDSM community. Go to munches and play events and meet people for real, in the flesh. You might not find your perfect dom or sub or whatever first time out but you will make friends and get to know people face to face.  Online is fantastic and has it's advantages but nothing beats meeting folks in the flesh. 

I think places like fetish are great to make initial contact with others and (being a forum mod I may be a lil' biased here) I think the forum is a fantastic place to meet people who are genuine. I love this community here.