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Charmaine

'Pretend' kinksters vs real kinksters

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Posted

i have been on other web sites not sexual at all just the normal vanila chat sites over the years.  What i hate about them is men think sending pics of there dicks is going to make me want to jump out of there computer screen and gone on my knees an give them a bj or ask for sex. Were in fact women hate dick picks nothing worse then getting a dick pick . Most times  with out them even saying hi.

 

My gay freinds love the picks because i send them the pics. I'm always upfront an  ask the guy im chating to not to send pics  because its not what I'm about. i do warn them that if they send pics my gay freinds will get them sent to them. 

i joined here looking for like minded people and have in the short time iv been here got to now some awesome people. they are very well manerd an polite and if i tell them i dont want to talk about some things they ask or say as its my red area they say ok. Some will even say sorry for talking about things i dont like.

 

The thing is that as the site grows witch is a good thing im finding pretend kinksters. People who just want to send me dick pics. Also one day i was in a chat room talking to others about my plans an when i said i was going to spend time with my master  I got called a freak by a pretend kinkster. he went on and on  how i was a freak an messed up in the head.   It was rather sad as im really quite shy but i was lucky that there were other real kinksters in the room who looked out for me. witch i was great full for and told the people thank you.

I think you can tell a real kinkster from a pretend one after a while of chateing to them. All the ones iv spoken to be it in the chat room or in pm  are so polite and well mannerd.  None kink pople think people with a kink are not right in the head ect. But i for one would rather spend time with a real kinkster than a fake 1 as i know id be safe. i find real kinsters will not do anything or push there views or what they want to do on to you unlike pretend kinksters. Real kinsters understand boundaries and limits. Does any one else agree.

Posted

I think sometimes there are people who sign up just because it's a dating site and to try their luck. It probably isn't going to work out for'em because most folks here are looking for kink. 

If you have problems with fake profiles/scammers please report this straight away for the support team to deal with. 

I would caution us all (because we all do it) of lumping everyone who's new into this 'not real' kinksters category. We all started somewhere and it's worth giving the benefit of the doubt. 

Carnelian2
Posted

I agree. In fact, I posted something similar a week or so ago about the Pelfie (sending dick-picks), which baffles me. Seriously, if a woman sent me a pic of her cleavage, I would probably be bemused but not really have much to goon in terms of starting a dialogue.

and yes, you are right in that there are people out there with a binary view of what kink entails. It is a whole spectrum and we all fit somewhere in it

Posted

I don't really believe in fake kinksters because what is kink to one person isn't to another 

I think when guys send dick pictures its either because they are  peacocking (hey look what I got ) or they get off on knowing that a woman is looking at their dick. 

There are people who's kink is to be watched having sex  (not my thing ) but I just see this as an extension of that 

If it annoys or offends I would just politely say no thanks and move on 

Gawain
Posted

Plenty of guys are all talk and no action, They assume the Fetish Scene is full of willing females who want them.

Carnelian2
Posted
6 minutes ago, Gawain said:

Plenty of guys are all talk and no action, They assume the Fetish Scene is full of willing females who want them.

I agree, and it is a complete misconception that the Fetish Scene should be any different from any other place. 

Gawain
Posted

I've tried ot organise Fetish Meetings. Once, instead of a "Family Friendly Pub", I suggested a walk in the park, so people could discuss intimate issues without eavesdroppers hearing anything. Nobody turned up. I guess they actually wanted Vanilla partners and thought Fetish people would be more permissive.

PatientTraveller
Posted

I share a similar opinion to LittleAngel, that there are no real fakes, everybody began somewhere and at different points, with different interests...it takes time for people to accept that they are not alone and explore themselves and find their way...then find a partner, friends and community. 

This can be a difficult journey for many, learning that kinks, fetishes are okay, learning that they won't be judged...give them the benefit of the doubt...we where all shy and curious at some point.

I do agree that their are many that know a lot from reading and fear that they will be judged on not having actual experience...those that talk loud and bold...again give them time, they will mellow out as they realise that there is more to BDSM than just whips and chains...take the time to think when you first tried to talk to a partner is more detail...being nervous, the fear of sharing what you wanted, the first time you shared precise details on something you wanted to do and the way that you wanted it to be done. 

We live in a world, that expects so much with judgements based on inaccurate and weakly defined expectations, it takes time to adjust to the BDSM community values, the values are simply and frightening at the same time...many are like baby birds...they know the nest, but they have a need to fly...leaving the known nest to fly free can be difficult for some and easy for others.

We know how to fly and how beautiful it is to soar...change can be liberating, change takes time and effort from within...its easy to want, it hard to remain open and find what you need.

 

VictoriaBlisse makes a good point this is initially a dating site, some are simply trying to find a partner in life..in many cases kink will be frightening and it won't work for them...they have other needs and desires...yet just a simple exposure can help them find out that there is more paths available in the search to be complete.

Some are just looking for ideas to bring energy and life back into existing relationships, unaware of what is really out there or what can be done.

 

Don't worry about the explorers, the beginners...help them, they maybe here in the future, maybe they won't...just consider what values you want in the community and hold to them, BDSM offers so many, communication, honesty, trust, respect, appreciation for safety, care of mental and emotional wellness, and freedom from judgement.   

 

 

 

Carnelian2
Posted

@PatientTraveller That was beautifully written and touches on so many good points. I have some of the same, call it fears, but a lot of that is down to me. Granted; some people may be members due to misconceptions about what BDSM is all about, some are curious - it takes all sorts, and actually that is what is so great about it. 


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