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Lou0584

New submissive

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Lou0584
Posted

Hi there I’m a new submissive looking for advise from fellow subs

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Posted

Hello and welcome. What kind of advice are you looking for exactly?

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Posted
How does a sub put away her everyday attitude and give herself over to another's control albeit temporarily as I'm not looking for 24/7 control

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eyemblacksheep
Posted
15 minutes ago, ellensready said:

How does a sub put away her everyday attitude and give herself over to another's control albeit temporarily as I'm not looking for 24/7 control

with trust built up over time.  Is a short answer.

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Posted

Try little roll play and then into character gradually build a character from there I new too but my man wants it more like bdsm  so as day by day gradually getting into it talk your master tell him /her having hard Time switching  off  they may have way to help you relax enjoy

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Lou0584
Posted

Any advise really. I met someone who opened up this world to me and I do believe it’s the right thing for me I’m finding it a little overwhelming in terms of the terminology, rules etc 

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eyemblacksheep
Posted

I do find it somewhat frustrating that external links aren't allowed - but - for terminology I would google "BDSM glossary" 

for rules... well... they're basically how you set them within your relationship.

If you go to a club/event and someone claiming to be a Dom/Master/etc starts ordering you about, you're not *their* sub.  

 

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Posted
10 hours ago, Lou0584 said:

Any advise really. I met someone who opened up this world to me and I do believe it’s the right thing for me I’m finding it a little overwhelming in terms of the terminology, rules etc 

Have a look at the magazine: 

https://www.fetish.com/community/magazine/

 

There's loads of really cool articles in there on all kinds of everything fetish and BDSM. There's good beginners guides and safety guides in there. All in short (around 800 words) easy to read articles.  :) 

Also, browse round the forum. I'm really proud of this amazing community, it gives wonderful advice. There's lotsd of good stuff out there! 

And if in doubt, ask. We will do our best to answer! 

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JayDom
Posted

I am the D, but what works for us is outside of the bedroom I treat her like normal, like my wife and lover and best friend. When she has to be punished I will do so discretely even in public but it is so rare, she usually will ask for a spanking early in the morning before I leave for work and that plus a little love spank when I get home usually are her “maintenance” spankings that keep her behaving very well. In the bedroom things change if it is play time, but outside of the bedroom it is pretty normal. 

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Posted

Talking to each other about what you both want out of  the situation helps then grow it from there 

It's not all about dressing up  (although that's fun ) it's doing what you feel comfortable doing when you feel like doing it. Just because my Mistress is in her pjs chilling in the chair doesn't mean I can start misbehaving 

Get safe words in place now before you start to play 

Punishment don't always have to involve spanking or canings  I'm often made to stand in the corner or sit on the naughty step 

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Posted

its about rules. i have areas that fit in green orange an red. green i do orange im not sure red hell no.

 

also its about knowing when to play an when to go back to being normal self.

 

my master an i play  and we both love it. yes there are rules he wishes ne to live by but most are about being safe when im out when its dark or out drinking ect with freinds. an lookin after my health. basic stuff . he is my master but hes rule is i must be healthy and of sound mind to play. there are a few other rules to but not controlling 1s. he doesnt tell me who i an see or what i can do as long as im safe

 

when we dont play we are just a normal couple. infact i can be a bit bossy when it comes to him. like i will buy him things an tell him he as to have it 

 

 

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Roxanne
Posted

I would start by both filing out a bdsm checklist where you can say what your  soft limits,  hard limits and wishes are and you can compare them.  

Then decide on a safe word. If he hears you say this all play stops. Most people use traffic lights, green for good,  Amber for unsure but ok and red for stop! ! You can also incorporate numbers from 1-5 for play scenes. 3 is good for you,  1 pathetic attempt- do it hader/faster etc, 4 getting close to limit,  5 stop.

Me and my Dom have a ritual when we are going to start playing or scening. he might tell me to kneel at his feet while he is watching tv, or tell me to go to the bedroom and wait for him in a certain position.  Google submissive positions and learn the basics. 

When we have fnished playing its always good to have aftercare. This could be cuddling or wrapping you in a blanket while you come back down. 

By following the command 'drop role' you are still following orders and can go about every day life. 

Enjoy yourself!!

Roxanne

 

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Posted

I am also a new sub. I have known this is who I am and what I wanted most my life but after ending an unhappy vanilla relationship, have started to grow this side of me. 

I have really learned a lot over the past year and most of that came through questioning and researching. 

I met my Dom online through random chance in a non-bdsm setting. We spoke and initially had obvious chemistry from afar. Started to get to know one another and found that we both wanted the same things. He has been there every step of the way guiding and nurturing me, asking me what it was that I really wanted, what made me happy, what concerns, questions, fears, excitements did I have. He taught me a great deal and most of that was to ensure no matter who I am with or what happens to stay true to who I am and be with a person who respects me and my boundaries. 

Initially, when discussing things I thought I only wanted to only be a bedroom sub, for societal pressure and biases that anything outside of that made me weak in some way. I have now grown and have so much trust and respect he will care for me that I have asked him to help me with other things in my life. For example, working out, eating healthy....ensuring I have a routine of "tasks" that are beneficial to me and help me achieve my goals. I know finding myself wanting to submit to him in ways I never thought possible. He has my trust and is continuing to help me not only learn and grow as a sub but a person. 

So after all my ranting, I guess my advice to you is to do you. Find someone you can trust, don't ever submit without being completely confident in him and how your relationship will be. You should spend as much time as you need discussing what it is you and him both really want and what can be negotiated or not. Don't ever dismiss your principals and deep embedded morals but realize that a good Dom will push your limits and help you grow. If he is true to you and your relationship/journey he will focus on making sure he never expects anything that would make you uncomfortable or exceed what you have discussed is acceptable. 

Sex and the kink is great,  but it is a hell of a lot better when the communication is open, honest, and real. 

Question everything until you are satisfied and if he/she is not okay with that....then probably not a good route to go. 

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Posted
On 2018-01-17 at 1:47 PM, ellensready said:

How does a sub put away her everyday attitude and give herself over to another's control albeit temporarily as I'm not looking for 24/7 control

This is something I had issues with in some ways and release in another. 

Whatbhas worked for me is starting in the bedroom. I found giving up a little control at a time was such a relief. For once I didn’t have to worry about something or make a decision. I could sit, or lay, or bend into a position and let it happen. I knew I was safe and I didn’t have to worry about my hard limits and my body and mind would relax. I could finally be at peace and at one with myself and through the pain I would find the pleasure because that is all I could and needed to focus at at the time. 

I still struggle outside the bedroom in relation to giving up control. The proper Dom will teach, guide and direct you. Be honest with them and ask lots of questions. Make you know you limits (yes there are non sexual ones) and they are aware of them. Also ask. A good Dom will tell you why it is important to them and will work with you to get there. 

Key is always Communication and Trust

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