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Sammi704

New Subs Experience with Sub Drop

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Sammi704
Posted (edited)

Hey all I'm pretty new to being a submissive. I have only been with my dom a handful of times and recently we got into whipping. We had a pretty intense session today, lots of marks. I wanted it, everything he did was completely consensual. However afterwards I started getting kinda emotional and really sad. I just felt totally "off," like I had been drinking all night. I read up on sub drop and I think that explains maybe what I'm feeling. Although most of the information I read states subs that experience sub drop usually feel so after a couple hours up to 48 hours. My feelings came on pretty quickly. Has anyone else experienced this.

 

My dom has been so great in the bedroom, taking things slow, introducing something new with each session. He seems really knowledgeable about BDSM, and we openly communicate about our wants and needs. We talked about being mutually exclusive regulars and we are both on the same page about keeping our relationship strictly dom/sub. However I feel like he kinda foregoes the aftercare. Not really into hugging, touching, kissing, or cuddles. I'm not sure if its because maybe we are just really new together or if it's just him. What are your experiences with aftercare with a new dom. How do you tell someone you recently met that you need to be cuddled and reassured without making them worried that perhaps you are too emotional to handle this kind of relationship. Up until now I fell like I could communicate with him about anything but this part is kinda stumping me.

Edited by Sammi704
  • Like 4
Posted
Aftercare is important after any scene for both parties My last sub felt she didn't need much attention but accepted the need I had to give it But then maybe that's just me
eyemblacksheep
Posted

aftercare should be taken seriously.  Different subs have different needs.  Sub drop can kick in almost any time.  It's hit me pretty quickly in the past and some times taken a few days.

There is a little need for some self care, keeping yourself in sugary drinks or snacks and finding something for comfort - but regardless, a Dominant can be happy to break someone, but, they also have the duty to put them back together again.

  • Like 2
Posted
Ok, from personal experience my advice would be ‘take control’. If your relationship is purely D/S play then have your play session, get dressed, get your shoes on, kiss him goodbye & go You got what you went for so once it’s finished, leave. Arrive & leave on ‘your’ terms, it’s very empowering. I have never been in a full time D/S relationship I have only ever ‘played’ either as one offs or on a regular basis so I have never experienced a great deal of emotional aftercare just tending to any body parts that need it etc walking out of that door afterwards reminds me that a Dom is only my Dom when I’m their Sub, any other time outside that I’m ‘me’ & so when my role of Sub is done it’s ‘shoes on & out that door’ If you’ve both made it clear that this is just about play then any kisses & cuddles may complicate that so if there is none of that involved make sure you’re not waiting for something that isn’t happening, just get the most out of the sessions you have together then leave until next time. However do keep talking & tell him what you need, you’re telling him about during play but tell him what you need after & explain why but also understood that he may not want to kiss or cuddle for fear of getting attached. Don’t second guess though, just talk
  • Like 3
Kitty4bear
Posted
Makes sense to me now
3SumQueen
Posted

I get a drop from guys who i just feel like they don't care about me, and that's with just vanilla stuff. Some people can leave you feeling used and uncared for, this is what causes it for me.

 

What sort of intimacy can he give you that you'd be happy with?

spankyspanky
Posted

I have never heard of sub drop before reading this, but thank you for posting, I have realised I must experience this, as after I have had a session with my dom I feel invigorated for the rest of the day and then the next day I feel down and just feel like i need cuddling.  He does kiss and cuddle me after the session but I feel like i need it the next day or days after.  I do not see him much, once a fortnight or longer, wish it was more, maybe if I could see him more then I would not experience the drop.  Very interesting subject.  

 

  • Like 1
Posted

Aftercare isn't completely and utterly the Dom/top's responsibility. Here's some info on self aftercare. As sometimes, even with the best of intention, your top can't be there to give what you need. 

 

 

  • Like 1
eyemblacksheep
Posted

sub drop catches a few unaware sometimes

the other one to watch is sub frenzy... that one got me unaware (though, luckily without bad consequences)

  • Like 1

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