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Poka

New to bdsm- What should I ask my Dom?

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Poka
Posted

I’ve recently started dating a dom. I’ve never indulged In the lifestyle and things are still new with us. He’s been very open, honest and helpful but I don’t really know what questions to ask or what to expect. Help?  

  • Like 3
Posted (edited)

Ask anything you are interested in, but I think its best to start with the basic questions before playing, which you should also answer yourself so he knows as well.

1) Likes - This is everything you enjoy doing.

2) Dislikes- This is things you dislike, but are willing to do as a punishment.

3) Limits - Things you would never ever try or do again.

4) Curious - Things you are wanting to try and explore.

After that you will have a great idea on what kind of dom they are, and you may even find out mutual kinks you both enjoy. You can then move on to more personal questions. I like to find out how much experience someone has. Things like, how long has he been into kink? How did you get into it? How many submissives has he had, why didn't they work out?  

After play its good to sit down and talk about how both of you feel, about what worked and didn't, and ideas to have even more fun. 

 

Edited by Foxter
  • Like 2
Lynxstar69
Posted
Ask him if he has been a dom before and how he treated the previous submissive
  • Like 1
PatientTraveller
Posted

Ask him about "mistakes", "aftercare", "pace" and "safe words".

Mistakes:

Everybody has made some kind of mistake or mis-judgement, how they handle it and ideally resolved or tried to resolved shares a lot about their honesty and how he respects people. If he is a beginner himself and is not sure about BDSM mistakes, ask for non-BDSM mistakes (after all we have all mistakes in our lives).

Aftercare:

Regardless if you want aftercare or not, Dom(s) should be prepare to give when needed, especially if you intend to practice heavier side of BDSM.

The aim is ensure that you have Dom that considers you well-being and is aware of his own limitations, basically when something is new to your Dom, you can feel comfortable communicating and know that they can and will step back when in doubt.

Pace:

Remember go slow and take your time, slowest member in the relationship sets the pace, don't rush or be rushed. There will be times you will be the slowest member and other times he may be. There is no shame is taking your time, especially when you are not sure about what you like.

Safe Words:

Safe words need to be known and agreed between the two of you, one for warning your reaching you limit and another to stop everything. If gagging is to be involved, agree on signals or non-verbal cues to warm of limits or stop any play.

Don't be afraid to use them, there is no shame in this, safeguards are there for you to communicate to your Dom and for your Dom to learn about you.

 

The aim is to play safe, both of you need communication, trust, honesty and respect...all four need to be present. If in doubt stop, step back and chat.

 

  • Like 6
PatientTraveller
Posted

It isn't a question, but I would look for humour and being able to laugh together, sometimes things just are too new and nerves get you or surprise flicks the giggles switch. Basically if your laughing and chatting, your doing things right.

  • Like 2
Posted
Every relationship is based on trust communication and respect.. Be open honest and trust what he does not what he says he's going to do
  • Like 3
Posted
I cannot add much that the previous 3 posters have said. Trust imperrative as a first. Communication. Really find out about each other. Wants needs desires and fasntasys. You say your Doms been fullu honest and open.Just ask whatever comes into your mind no matter what. Then you can discuss. Be yourself dont put on an act. and you will be fine. Talking is the way Forward. Hopeit all works out for you.
  • Like 1

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