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Fairylight

Confused

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Fairylight
Posted

Am i in the wrong place? Am i looking for something that doesn't exist? I have been told a few times now that attraction has no place in a D/s relationship? Then almost expected to submit to any one who messages, but told not to give up submission! Conflicting advice from so many different directions i almost want to give up :(

  • Like 2
Yodaddy
Posted
Your talking to the wrong people sweetie, The relationship say with a Daddy Dom and his little girl, is sensual, and loving, the sex is good to lol keep lookin, youl find a good one.
MsJax
Posted

That's something that varies from individual to individual and whatever dynamics they enjoy, and what they each perceive as a relationship.

Personally for me  there has to be a spark, whether that's initially ignited by their personality, looks, humour or anything else.. but, I don't 'play' casually, someone who does is very likely looking for something different from playmates, than they would if they were looking for partner.

As for giving up your submission..thats for you to decide, when you find someone you trust with it you'll know, don't let anyone tell you differently, especially someone demanding it.

Myrtz
Posted
I was also told by a 'Dom' that attraction had no place. I completely disagree and have found my Dom and am very much attracted to him in looks, personality....and everything else. Keep looking and don't let anyone tell you otherwise and DO NOT settle for anything less than you deserve.
  • Like 1
eyemblacksheep
Posted

I think the truth of the matter is you've been contacted by idiots.

attraction - subjective - but if someone is telling you it doesn't matter then this translates to me that they are desperate for a sub and are trying to manipulate you. Exactly the type of guy you should stay away from.

there is also a lot of morons do the "i am a Dom, you are a sub so you must do as I say" bullshit and they're completely wrong - and - funnily enough, lack a sub... but then can't admit their approach is wrong.

In short, don't give up - but you're right to flag this type of idiocy goes on.

Posted

What myrtz said is true it does have a place, and getting to know someone is important just the same in any relationship, and attraction is helpful, otherwise you won't enjoy any play at all. But I feel I must add that all important element of trust as well.

Fairylight
Posted

Thank you all for your replies, it seems i must be attracting the wrong types, and i will admit its got me down to the point im questioning wether its me.

Posted
If there is no attraction between the parties then what is the point in doing it in the first place!?!?!?
  • Like 2
eyemblacksheep
Posted
44 minutes ago, Fairylight said:

Thank you all for your replies, it seems i must be attracting the wrong types, and i will admit its got me down to the point im questioning wether its me.

it's not you - it's chancers.   

Posted

Agree with what has been said by others. As a newbie to this I would think that attraction is very important but hope that it goes beyond just physical to the persons character and what they are like. I do not understand how you could develop enough trust with someone to give your gift of submission to them if you are not attracted to who they are? You wouldn't do that in a vanilla relationship and to me it would need to be deeper for a d/s relationship. Maybe I am wrong too.

Fairylight
Posted

Thanks again for the replies, i shall be taking all advice on board.......watch this space!

  • Like 1
Posted
Sadly with a lot of online chat you get the fantasists, those that want you to believe their way is the only way. Kink is in many ways like normal life, go with your gut, if it sounds stupid it usually is. Any relationship, be it kink or vanilla, is built on many factors, one being both parties are equals. You cannot be told to love someone in the same way you cannot be told to submit, you have to want them for them to happen and feel right. As other people have said, you have been messaged by chancers and wannabees, our advice would be to get to munches and events and meet the real kink world.
Posted

In our experience, for every good Dom, there are 200 wanna-bes that are actually abusers. Just because you are submissive does not mean you are their submissive. Stand your ground on what your expectations are, make sure that anyone you give your gift of submission to is willing to meet your needs, 100%. ( note: needs, not wants ). Any dom worthy of submitting to will meet your needs to keep you safe and secure. :)


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