BDSM = sex?

[fetish_girl]

I was chatting to some friends the other day, and it got pretty heated when it came to whether BDSM is always equal to sex. What's your opinion? Do you separate sex and session, or are you more a 'no BDSM without sex' kind of person? 

[Maisterchris1]

Bdsm by its nature is sexual. .however having sex at the time is optional..I for one would have to use my bound lady..it would be rude not to.

[Joker50]

In my experience the use of bdsm in a routine daily sex play can relegate it to becoming simply about foreplay. However to leave a sub/slave hanging with no intercourse can only increase the sexual tension next time round. Depending on when the bdsm took place it can have a profound influence on the mood for the day.

[Wasp2017]

Well you can go out for dinner without going to bed so why not have BDSM as a separate experience to sex.

[ThatOneGuy447]

To me BDSM is equal to sex. If I had to choose either a girl satisfies my fetish or have sex I'd choose fetish every time

[Robustlove]

Both cases can be true in any one D/s or bondage inclusive relationship. Some sessions of BDSM type play may involve no sex at all, and others may involve it heavily. There's no hard and fast rules or norms about whether to include sex or not as part of BDSM play and often being strict with separating the two and not mixing it up from day to day can get very stale and boring very quickly, but it horses for courses. Personally I prefer to include sex and sexual contact in almost all of my BDSM sessions, but have been known from time to time to mix it up and make the odd session sexless to either punish or tease my submissive and heighten her craving for sexual contact even more.   

[VictoriaBlisse]

For me, BDSM and sex goes together when I'm playing with my husband. It's rare we'll indulge in BDSM play without any sex. However, when enjoying a scene at a dungeon/club with people I am not partnered with it's always BDSM without sex.  So it's definitely something that can chage with the situation for me. 

[PatientTraveller]

I might be one of the few that is happy to play without a sex, the main problem is defining what is considered sexual between play partners, for some genital penetration is the baseline, for other kissing. 

I don't think BDSM = Sex; however if your practice BDSM your seeking to fill a need/desire, for many this involves sex, in my case I get pleasure from my play partners responses. 

As you can guess, I maybe one of the few that does not need sex and it makes it difficult to find a play partner, but I have found other pleasures within BDSM that do not need sex, such as the artistic side of bondage. 

Don't get me wrong, I still get physically aroused with a partner, but I have no direct drive or need to seek pleasure through sex. 

 

 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

I don't relate it to sex. I can do BDSM without sex and vice versa.

[Naughtysam]

All depends on the situation and how you define sex There will always be some sort of sexual contact and enjoyment in BDSM or why would we all do it 

We don't always end up with penetrative sex but have fun along the way but always finish with a cuddle 

[PaigeLM]

I'm asexual so kink isn't about sex for me. It's about communication and trust and creativity and intimacy and submission and closeness and playing, etc.

Hearing 'kink is of course about sex' is why it took until my mid-thirties to realise I even WAS kinky, even though the signs had been there from the time I was very young. The reinforcement of that trope--which begins in vanilla media and is carried on by other kinksters who should know there are so many layers to kink--makes asexual kinksters feel excluded and like they're not doing kink 'right'. Or like they don't belong.

If you look on Fet, though, there are two groups for asexual kinksters--so we do exist.

Saying people wouldn't do BDSM isn't wasn't for sex is like saying people only get married for the sex--there are so many other reasons.

[sleazykink]

I agree. Sexuality is a wide and varied spectrum as wide as it is colourful and we are too easily led into putting people into pigeon holes. What pleases one person or satisfies another is vast. Sites such as this opening up discussion between us allows us to find what common ground we have with another to build that pleasure on. I prefer play to lead to orgasm but have also been deprived of it and found that extremely erotic too. Sometimes that lengthy deprivation has built a closer bond than just shooting a load would create.

[VictoriaBlisse]

9 hours ago, sleazykink said:

I agree. Sexuality is a wide and varied spectrum as wide as it is colourful and we are too easily led into putting people into pigeon holes...

Definitely! We're all unique and should celebrate that. Not seek to pigeon hole people. 

[Gawain]

My Self-Flagellation Isn't particularly sexual for me. I get the impression that Masochistic activities work by Sexual Sublimation for many people, just as they did in the Middle Ages. To me, many people on Fet actually seem prudish and repressed.