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LittleMinxoxo

My Experience Online Finding A Dominant Man!

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Posted

Well, I Have Been On Here For Abit Now And I Think Fetish Is A Good Site!

Spoken To Some Really Helpful People, Made Friends, Learnt A lot.

But It’s Been So Difficult For Me As It’s Hard To Be A New Submissive! Extremely Hard...

I Have Been Messed Around So Much, And Part Of Me Just Wants To Give Up But Then Why Should I Let Some Of These Men Who Say There Serious “Dominants” When Really They Just Want You To Be A Slag For Them And That’s Not What I Want...

And What’s Frustrating About It Is That All Of It Is Based On Trust And When I Let Someone In I Get Dropped Or Something Goes Wrong.

I Admit To Making A Few Mistakes, But It’s Hard To Know Right From Wrong Starting Out New In This.

Really Looking For Advice To Be Honest , I Am Just Do Tired Of Being Messed Around And Dropped.

I Really Want To Explore And Find My Dom Just Someone Serious And Willing To Work With Me , Help Me Learn, I Am Abit Of A Brat And Have A Few Confidence Issues , Trust Issues But I’m Just Really Hoping At The End Of The Day That Me Exploring BDSM And Submission Will Continue To Help Me With All This!

Thanks For Taking The Time To Read This And Hope Someone Out There Has Some Advice That Helps Me Out Or Just Someone Has Been In Similar Situation .

Thank you , 

Heatherxoxox 

  • Like 14
Posted
Oh I feel you heather that sounds just like me hope you find someone who will treat you right and treat you like the submissive you desire to be.
  • Like 5
Posted
I'm guessing you've been on fet? There are a lot of guidelines and advice for people starting out as well as links to the kink groups in your area? You might find it easier if you get involved in the local community if that's an option for you? If you haven't and you want to have a look, by all means message me and I'll give you my name on there x
  • Like 3
eyemblacksheep
Posted

Sadly, there is a case there's a lot of guys whose idea of Dominance is "suck my cock, bitch" (which is OK for those whose idea of submission that ties to - but obviously that's not what you're looking for)

I think on one hand, keep trying - and don't be afraid to push anyone away who doesn't match what you seek.

Also, whilst boosting your own knowledge via online, consider going out to local munches and clubs.  Guys who make the effort to go there are usually (but not always...) at least a little bit more serious.  

  • Like 6
Posted (edited)

Thank you for the comments above it’s just been so difficult being messed around , was speaking to a Dom for a while , he’s always said all the right things and then it was all fake !

He made it as if every situation was my fault it’s so complicated I feel so embarrassed, and it’s  all confusing for me .

when I give my trust and then it’s basically thrown in my face x

Edited by Heatherxoxox
  • Like 1
Fairylight
Posted
Im feeling exactly the same right now, almost like im only here to entertain them when they are bored 😔
  • Like 3
Posted

It’s The Same for Me Literally The Worst Feeling Ever ... Just Being Used For So Long And I Feel So Stupid And Ashamed The Dom I Really Looked Up Too Him But Just Puts Me Off Now😐

  • Like 2
Posted
It hurts from the dom side as well. To search for the right one and to open up and trust in the online world is difficult because there are so many jokers, fakes and liars. You find the odd good one but you have to weed through the crap first. The advice given to you before is great with regards to the munches and holding out until you find the right one. Confidence can be a fragile thing and rejection and hurt knocks it every time. But just remember you are unique and your submission gift is a treasure that has to be earned - you are in control of both and if they drop you then it is their loss.
  • Like 8
Carnelian2
Posted

Hi, I do not exactly have submissives falling over each other in their eagerness to submit to me. Nor would I expect to, as that would raise some serious concerns in my own mind.

Anyway, keep an open mind and be patient. If you are talking to someone serious then he will also consider your needs and answer any questions that you many have. If there is a connection then that will work.

Too many people have fixed views on what a sub or Dom, for that matter, should be. We are all people and we are all different. With an open mind, you might find something wonderful that you had never imagined in your wildest dreams.

... be honest. If you do not feel it is going anywhere, tell them. More importantly tell them what you need from them. This is not topping from the bottom, it is about establishing a balanced relationship, where you happen to be a willing submissive.

I hope that helps.

  • Like 6
Posted
Unfortunately on any online site were a woman is searching for someone to for fill her darkest desires, there will be a swarm of wasp`s around the honeypot.. the fake Dom`s, the pic collectors, the misogynistic arseholes and the creeps you wouldn`t leave in a room with your granny. Don`t let that put you off, a good Dom knows that the happier you are being submissive to him the more he will get out of you, so he will need to know what make`s you tick. The mind is a sexy place to play, so he must not twist it ,but delve in deep and explore the dark corners and build your confidence so you have the mental strength to play with your naughty demons without it screwing you up. Templar x
  • Like 7
Posted
Have a look at what everyone is saying to you....they’re all saying ‘me too’ & yet many of us aren’t new to this, we’re quite experienced & yet have all experienced fake Dom/subs The key is to just keep going, keep chatting & making friends & don’t give up. You’re unlikely to find what you’re looking for immediately but that’s ok 😊 it’s like any other dating. We’ve alllllllll been there it’s not just you. Munches & clubs are great for meeting real folk but that doesn’t suit everyone just keep weeding out the fake ones until you find a good one x
  • Like 11
eyemblacksheep
Posted

to chuck in a positive story.  One of the first people I got chatting to on here was an ex.  I was half expecting to see her last night as I was going to see how she was getting on : she met her Dom on here.

  • Like 1
3SumQueen
Posted
2 hours ago, Heatherxoxox said:

It’s The Same for Me Literally The Worst Feeling Ever ... Just Being Used For So Long And I Feel So Stupid And Ashamed The Dom I Really Looked Up Too Him But Just Puts Me Off Now😐

I think people have given you really good advice already and i could add my own frustration but i'll not bother lol, i just wanted to say about this is that you were trusting, that isn't stupid or something to be ashamed of and is a good trait to have.

 

If people decide to abuse your trust then that's something wrong with them and even the person abusing your trust knows it's wrong and that is why they lied to you because they knew you wouldn't be happy with the truth. Don't blame yourself for this at all or think you are stupid, manipulators know exactly what they are doing and are good at it.

  • Like 6
Posted
Our pleasure sweetie.. there are lots of people on here that are willing to help. Not just dickheads
  • Like 1
MrLazy
Posted
Hello
Sir_Blaze
Posted
have you tried meeting prospective Dom/mes for coffee a few times first no play or anything just a coffee and chat get to know each other in person and what each of you are after, online people can be anything in person it's a bit harder to hide ones self so easier to get a gauge.
  • Like 2
Posted
Many others here have voiced what the serious ones of us go through, when we're looking for genuine, quality people. Over the last 12 years, I've spoken to many "females", some of whom were real, but very many others who most definitely were not. Yes, the fakers sound interested, want to know more about you, want to meet and can go I'm at great length; one for three days. But they come to nothing, and melt into the background. Some of these, I've decided, are probably married men who like to go online when their wife is out, and they're stuck at home with the family. If the conversations are lay in the day, or very early morning, these characters are possibly on the night shift, and it's quiet. To try and catch them out, perhaps you could ask searching questions of them. See if they know their stuff. Simple questions are the best, because they're the hardest to answer. Just use, what, why, where, when, how, which, if...and keep putting pressure on. If you're told that you're the sub, and you don't have grounds of rights to be so demanding, then you've got one of these creatures by the uncomfortable short and curlys; not wishing to sound rude. I appreciate that this is time consuming, but it happens to us all. Try and ride the storm of being popular, because you're new and the urchins wanting to grab at the action, see more images, ask you lurid questions. Don't give them the oxygen that they seek. Remember, you are only eventually submissive to the person whom you choose to give your submission to. No one, absolutely no one, can tell you who that should be. Final little bit. I started chatting with a younger woman in January, and we're still talking, about everything under the sun, and not met yet. This running conversation may eventually lead to a meet, but it will be a chat and coffee somewhere busy and she'll have told a friend where she was going, how long she was going to be and when she was leaving...and I insist that this is what she should do; to feel safe. If you wish for more help, don't hesitate to ask. We're all here to assist, sanely.
  • Like 10
Posted

Thank you everyone for all the advice and support I have received it has really helped me! 

I appreciate you taking the time to read my post and I hope that anyone else who may of felt the same or been in similar situations that this helps them too x

  • Like 5
SirPhileasFlogg
Posted
Make friends. Don't rush, and don't be talked into playing without a couple of vanilla meets and some decent conversation about likes and limits. Most importantly, Don't give up. Your Dom is out there (he just doesn't know it, the silly twit!) 😆
  • Like 6
Posted

 I can not add to what you have said really.
 Yes it is difficult it seems.
 I have never experienced anything personally fetish wise.
 I wonder at times whether it might ever come along .

 Sorry if that sounds a tad feeling sorry for myself.

 I would love the right sort of opportunity to present itself but  as said people are not always as serious about acting as they are taliking.

   I'm looking for a some decent nice peopel to hopefully be able to explore  what being a sub can be about.
 I will keep poppoing back on here with some positive hope .

 Best wishes to all of you in your future possibilities 

 Sxx

  • Like 1
lugnut
Posted

Sorry to hear about all the issues so many people are having 😥 I hadn't appreciated how hard it is. I have no idea why there are so many jerks out there, in reality most people are decent enough. Maybe sites like this attract the time wasters? I can only suggest what others have, go to munches. I'm sure there must be plenty of genuine people out there all wanting compatible hookups. Having been happily married for 22 years I have no idea about the dating game, and I'm sure it must be worse for kink dating. Just an idea, maybe there are people on the vanilla sites that might have a genuine interest in kink? Sure, you may not get the same level of expertise but we all start somewhere and learning and teaching is fun itself. That is how is LugNuts started, we meet at a hill walking and climbing club when I was at the tender age of 19.

Good luck.

L

  • Like 1
eyemblacksheep
Posted

I think there are people on vanilla sites with a genuine kink interest, but then there's also going to be just as many who are not and/or think it's easy.

I think there's often those who wish kink was more mainstream, but the more mainstream it gets the more people who think it's easy get attracted to it.  And especially in M/f there's a worrying amount of guys who seem to try and prey on women who are new/inexperienced/etc to manipulate rather than to help/guide.

But, I dunno - maybe the ignore button is your friend at times.

  • Like 1
Posted
Heather - a good Scot's name! You're young, beautiful and insecure. You probably consider me an old fart but let's start chatting and see if I can change your mind?

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