Jump to content

Im comparing new subs to an old

Recommended Posts


I need help, my first real sub was very extreme, she had virtually no limits and it went well for around a year online. But now that’s she’s left I’ve been looking for someone else but my problem is I’m expecting all these potential subs to be every bit as extreme. Any tips for reigning in my desires when starting up a new potential relationship? 


Honesty. If you're looking for a sub to be into certain things, then make sure they know that up front. 

All people have their own likes, dislikes and limits. Start out by NOT expecting everyone to be like your last sub. We're all unique. 

  • Like 4

there's a few subs I know who like the extreme end of play - one of which has just written something on another site because she's been having problems that people she agrees to play with are expecting the extreme end from the get go.

That for her it takes time and trust.

But, I think from your post you kinda understand that.

It may be advisable to take a little break yourself before pushing for a new relationship - because it may well be that you then want to continue things as if it were her when, ultimately, every sub is different and you need to be back into a position where you can go back to the start.

From there, it may be that you wish to be clear with your desires that ultimately you wish to train and build someone up to levels you deem extreme : but yeah, in ways, wait until you're ready again.

  • Like 2

I think recognising you have the issue says a lot about you, you know intellectually that comparing subs is like comparing kids, or pets, friends and so on..futile because each is an individual with their own needs and desires and that individuality is what makes them special..even if you found someone with the exact same kinks as her, with the exact same degree of extreme...the odds on her reactions being the same are remote.

It's unlikely, even if you met a clone of your last sub, that they'd want to go extreme with you until trust had been developed, and many long conversations had been shared, but, being honest about your relationship goals, dealbreakers and expectations from the get go can go a little way towards helping to establish that.  


  • Like 4
Thanks for the comments guys... I guess it’s a fight between me and my old enemy... patience :)
  • Like 1