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kinkydomsloth

I've only had online experience with a sub

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Posted

Hey, I only discovered my dominant side with a girl I met last year and it was online, no real experience which I want cause we never had any. We talked so much about what we'd when together and it was pretty damn kinky. Unfortunately, we had to end things for various reasons and now it's something I want to explore to get some experience as i'm not really experienced enough to be a dom, kinda like the chicken and the egg.

I guess I'm still nervous about it cause it's one thing to talk the talk but another to walk the walk. I kinda need to be discrete but I want to go to a munch. If that is really the only way to meet someone I'll have to man up. Having never heard of munches til recently what are they like? I'm still figuring things out, working out my kinks so to speak so what kinda munch or whatever is a good place to begin?

Thanks!

 

  • Like 1
Posted
Congrats on finding your more dominant side. As a male Master I would say always be careful there is a very fine line bettween consenual kinky abuse and assualt. My advice to you is if you feel your putting yourself in a position of danger dont do it. As it is not worth the trouble. I hope you find what your looking for
  • Like 1
MsJax
Posted

Your profile states any prospective playmate would be in safe hands, that's misleading at best given you don't have any real time experience, at worst it's a dangerous lie..you might want to consider changing that, and perhaps being as honest in your profile as you have in this post.

I'd also add, if you're only planning to attend munches to meet a prospective sub, you're probably going to be disappointed, I may be wrong of course you could get lucky, but most aren't pick up joints, you might have better luck at an event..but if you have to 'man up' as you put it, to attend a vanilla meet in a pub, I don't rate your chances of braving a fetish club.

That said, I think munches would be good for you, a good place to socialise real time with people who understand we just all want to be ourselves, you'll get to know people who are active in your area, who would know of and probably be able to recommend any workshops in your area, rope play or suspension for example if that's something that interests you, if either are you really do need to know how to do it safely..many munch organisers also run events and mini workshops so that's also a good foot in the door towards that experience down the line, and as you make friends and relax into your role the Dom will start to show himself..if indeed he's there, you might find in person your more of a switch, in fact if you are, that's a good place to start your adventure, experience things from both side of the whip as it were..only moving towards the more Dom side of things when the chickens hatched to use your analogy.

Without knowing exactly what or whom you're looking for I can't really suggest other ways to explore your D side, other than what I've already said, and just trying it..slowly and carefully, with as much knowledge as you can gather and great communication with your sub/bottom.

One last thing..(sorry about the novel!)  online and rt are Very different for the majority of people..don't expect it to be either as easy physically, mentally or emotionally..but you probably could expect it to be much more rewarding, pleasurable and satisfying.

Good luck 

 

  • Like 4
eyemblacksheep
Posted

a munch is a social - usually there'll be a mixture of newbies, friends, etc. all different backgrounds - and of course you can just rock in, pull up a chair and join the chat.

They're not hook up events - but they're a very quick way of making friends that are -a- into kink -b- in your local area

Leeds has a couple of bit events, and a dungeon : there's an event I've been to called Euphoria, which you kind of have to be vetted for - but vetting is basically contacting ahead and saying "are you ok to attend" or attending with people already vetted for (the aforementioned friends you met at the munch) 

In line with making friends, this is also an opportunity to see others play.  As you build friends and trust - this isn't likely to be a quick job but isn't going to take years - it may of course be through discussions that someone is willing to help you try things out with them.  Say, a three person scene where one person is mentoring you.  

And suddenly... you're not super experienced, but you know what you're doing.  You can couple this with some of your own learning on everything from aftercare, sub drop, dom drop, sub frenzy, safety, etc. And, yeah, in kink the experience paradox is one of the easiest to break.

  • Like 2
Posted
22 hours ago, eviltiger said:

Congrats on finding your more dominant side. As a male Master I would say always be careful there is a very fine line bettween consenual kinky abuse and assualt. My advice to you is if you feel your putting yourself in a position of danger dont do it. As it is not worth the trouble. I hope you find what your looking for

Thanks.

Posted
20 hours ago, MsJax said:

Your profile states any prospective playmate would be in safe hands, that's misleading at best given you don't have any real time experience, at worst it's a dangerous lie..you might want to consider changing that, and perhaps being as honest in your profile as you have in this post.

I'd also add, if you're only planning to attend munches to meet a prospective sub, you're probably going to be disappointed, I may be wrong of course you could get lucky, but most aren't pick up joints, you might have better luck at an event..but if you have to 'man up' as you put it, to attend a vanilla meet in a pub, I don't rate your chances of braving a fetish club.

That said, I think munches would be good for you, a good place to socialise real time with people who understand we just all want to be ourselves, you'll get to know people who are active in your area, who would know of and probably be able to recommend any workshops in your area, rope play or suspension for example if that's something that interests you, if either are you really do need to know how to do it safely..many munch organisers also run events and mini workshops so that's also a good foot in the door towards that experience down the line, and as you make friends and relax into your role the Dom will start to show himself..if indeed he's there, you might find in person your more of a switch, in fact if you are, that's a good place to start your adventure, experience things from both side of the whip as it were..only moving towards the more Dom side of things when the chickens hatched to use your analogy.

Without knowing exactly what or whom you're looking for I can't really suggest other ways to explore your D side, other than what I've already said, and just trying it..slowly and carefully, with as much knowledge as you can gather and great communication with your sub/bottom.

One last thing..(sorry about the novel!)  online and rt are Very different for the majority of people..don't expect it to be either as easy physically, mentally or emotionally..but you probably could expect it to be much more rewarding, pleasurable and satisfying.

Good luck 

 

2

 

Thanks. It's not intentional. What I'm trying to say is I'm trustworthy. Anyway, I will update my profile to make things clearer. When I say gain experience I mean learn together. I'd, of course, read up and learn what I needed to but maybe I need a mentor? Or is that more for subs?

 

It sounds like I'm not ready yet. It's been said I could be a switch which may be the case but i need to establish that with some RW interaction with others then the dynamic would become clearer. 

I'm an introvert but I can take care of myself. But discretion is important to me for what I do irl but it sounds like a munch is not that big a deal. It's just finding one and attending one! As i say I'm still learning and clearly, I'm jumping the gun.

 

I'll look into events, thanks.  I'll finish updating later, i'e gotta go out. Appreciate the response Ms Jax.

  • Like 1
MsJax
Posted
2 hours ago, kinkydomsloth said:

 

Thanks. It's not intentional. What I'm trying to say is I'm trustworthy. Anyway, I will update my profile to make things clearer. When I say gain experience I mean learn together. I'd, of course, read up and learn what I needed to but maybe I need a mentor? Or is that more for subs?

*Sometimes I come across as quite brusque, I don't mean to be, my northern and D nature I guess, I can be too direct, and am glad that didn't offend you, it's just my way, the thing is you know that's what you meant, but whoevers reading it doesn't, but of course it's your profile, entirely upto you what you say on it ☺

Absolutely not just for subs, back when I was young and dinosaurs roamed the earth, that was almost expected, instead of the internet to find people and information, it was all, what would now be called, networking, word of mouth if someone had an opening or an apprenticeship, I have very fond memories of watching, learning and practicing at the side of experienced D's and met some lovely patient submissives..I often wish I could start over, things have changed dramatically..I've been Domme for over 25 years and I'm still learning..and exploring and open to new experiences, had my personal finances allowed it I'd have loved to have run my own dungeon at one point, still would but, if pots and pans were buts and ands as they say..

 

It sounds like I'm not ready yet. It's been said I could be a switch which may be the case but i need to establish that with some RW interaction with others then the dynamic would become clearer. 

*I agree, the only way to know what you are, or are not, is to find out, and you can only do that by real time interaction..I imagine it will be the same with most kinks/fetishes...some you can dismiss out of hand, but others will catch your attention as worthy of exploration..lots of fun 😁

I'm an introvert but I can take care of myself. But discretion is important to me for what I do irl but it sounds like a munch is not that big a deal. It's just finding one and attending one! As i say I'm still learning and clearly, I'm jumping the gun.

*No big deal at all, and it's worth remembering its up to you which you attend, deliberately choose one a little further from home if your worried about being seen..although in a pub..catching up with new mates isnt likely to draw any negative attention, and if your at an event and bump into someone you know...its not that big a deal either, after all they must be 'kinky' too to be there.

 

I'll look into events, thanks.  I'll finish updating later, i'e gotta go out. Appreciate the response Ms Jax.

*You're very welcome, glad to be some help even in a small way ☺

 


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