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Deschaine

New dom in marriage, help?

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Deschaine
Posted

So i found out about a month ago that i’m very much into the dom lifestyle. I want a 24/7 role as much as possible and have certain rules that are defined by my sub to stimulate mental games.

 

as far as sexual acts i love ropes, clamps ties and floggs, as well as “minor” toys i suppose. 

 

The thing is, i’m not sure how much my wife is into this scene. When i was first introduced into the BDSM scene, (by her) my mind exploded, I had ideas, scenarios and every day rules (mainly things for her) flooding my head and revealing a new side of myself. I couldn’t stop talking or reading about fantasies and roles

 

i can remember that sex between is all of a sudden skyrocketed. I was beyond cloud nine and i was completely drunk off of her. And she was me, As the days went by, she kept asking for more and more vanilla time, vanilla conversation and to, what felt like to me, go back to vanilla “fun”

 

Before my discovery of BDSM shes always told me she needed more “connection” when it came to sex. She’d say it felt like she was being used because my attention wasn’t on fulfilling her which led to a low sexual self esteem. But once i tried new things (mostely my mental state and attention on her) she was conpletely enthralled. Id have her completely engaged and euphoric to the point she needed immediate sleep after fun.

 

now that a couple months have gone by, we barely have sex and she still tells me that sexually, i’m not adaquate (not her words but definately the way i feel)  

i’m now at a point where i try to just avoid sex. But i have this new passion where i really need someone to explore this side with. 

I love my wife, but are we compatible? 

Posted
Your opening sentences highlight your problem, I think. You say, "I want..." Then freely admit that you don't know how much she is into this scene. Really, the more you openly and honestly talk with each other, and both listen to each others responses,the more you'll both know of what each needs. Compatibility is based around being the same, giving and taking, being considerate towards each other; a match. Wonder if you've asked your wife what scenarios really turn her on? Could she regularly write thoughts down for you? That way,you have an insight to her thoughts and feelings. At the same time, you could "engineer" situations so that she meets her fantasies. Don't provide these word for word, but insert them within your play. You're a partnership...there's no "i" in team. Work with each other. If you don't know her feelings, ask her. Physical play is mentioned, but not much about mental. Really, if you stimulate the brain, then the rest should follow. Take time to discover her. Woo her like you did when you first met. Be patient and understanding. Ask simple questions. That way, you get deep and meaningful answers...and remember what she tells you...forever.
  • Like 3
3SumQueen
Posted

Work on your self esteem too. I doubt she has said this stuff to make you feel bad but because she had genuine issues she wanted to bring up with you because she cares about your relationship.

  • Like 2

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