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Meg97

First time in subspace

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Meg97
Posted

I am quite new to BDSM and have started exploring with my new Dom. On our second "date", like the first, we tried everything to make me cum but I just was not able to let go. Probably because of nerves and and the pressure I put on myself to cum... So we decided to slow it down, and Sir was touching me softly, spanking my tits and ass, pinching my nipples, scratching me hard (which I love), and rubbing my clit to a painful point. Then I "woke up", not sure how else to explain but like waking up from an intense dream and at the same time, coming down from an insane high... then he started to finger my g-spot and had a vibe on my clit and I had the most earth shattering orgasm, to the point of hyperventilating, crying and shaking. Coming down from that high was quite long but Sir held me and gently coaxed me down.

Considering how little time it took me to get to "subspace" or whatever it was, it does make me wonder if it was really that, because everything I've read about it seems to indicate a longer time to achieve it. So it's all just a bit confusing and overwhelming...

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MsJax
Posted

Sounds like subspace to me, I'm Domme, but I have a masochistic side too which I sometimes let loose especially when I'm frustrated or anxious about something..so I know how it feels, for me anyway..but I call it my maso space.

What you need to remember is that everyones body, and mind, is different, and there are a lot of factors that make a difference, also very individual to each person..you were relaxed, so relaxed that you stopped worrying about the nerves you'd been feeling and allowed yourself to just be, hormones and endorphins released and boom, subspace, think of it like a hypnotic trance maybe, over time as your Sir gets to know your body and its reactions, he may be able to prolong it, or bring you back quicker if he's concerned..some of the hardest players struggle to ever reach subspace, others can get there almost instantly, you may never experience it again, or you may feel it almost every time you 'play', though even then it may feel different each time.

From what you say, you may be experiencing a little sub drop...there's a discussion on that at the moment. Its a very common physical reaction, almost like a withdrawal, all your released endorphins etc., are flushing out of your system, and your mind is going cold turkey as it were. It's very common as I say, if you can't be with your Sir, call him maybe, or text, let him explain know how your feeling, and get yourself a cuddle, virtual or otherwise, a hot bath helps some, time with friends or family others, some me time..a pamper, or a book you've been meaning to read, some prefer to be alone, have a little cry maybe, its all very personal to each person..but don't worry, your responses are 'normal' and nothing to be worried about.

I hope you're feeling a little better since you posted this, but remember it all for next time x

 

eyemblacksheep
Posted

I've found there's no hard and fast "rules" on when subspace is likely to be achieved.

There have been cases where it has taken a long time - and has been times it's kicked in a little quicker.  A lot can be down to the intensity and how relaxed you are.

I remember a horrible scene I did where subspace was not achieved so it - well - it just hurt.  But then others where it's really been something to savour. 

Meg97
Posted
30 minutes ago, MsJax said:

Sounds like subspace to me, I'm Domme, but I have a masochistic side too which I sometimes let loose especially when I'm frustrated or anxious about something..so I know how it feels, for me anyway..but I call it my maso space.

What you need to remember is that everyones body, and mind, is different, and there are a lot of factors that make a difference, also very individual to each person..you were relaxed, so relaxed that you stopped worrying about the nerves you'd been feeling and allowed yourself to just be, hormones and endorphins released and boom, subspace, think of it like a hypnotic trance maybe, over time as your Sir gets to know your body and its reactions, he may be able to prolong it, or bring you back quicker if he's concerned..some of the hardest players struggle to ever reach subspace, others can get there almost instantly, you may never experience it again, or you may feel it almost every time you 'play', though even then it may feel different each time.

From what you say, you may be experiencing a little sub drop...there's a discussion on that at the moment. Its a very common physical reaction, almost like a withdrawal, all your released endorphins etc., are flushing out of your system, and your mind is going cold turkey as it were. It's very common as I say, if you can't be with your Sir, call him maybe, or text, let him explain know how your feeling, and get yourself a cuddle, virtual or otherwise, a hot bath helps some, time with friends or family others, some me time..a pamper, or a book you've been meaning to read, some prefer to be alone, have a little cry maybe, its all very personal to each person..but don't worry, your responses are 'normal' and nothing to be worried about.

I hope you're feeling a little better since you posted this, but remember it all for next time x

 

Thank you for the reply! I went and read the discussion and replied to it. The more I read about sub drop the more it makes sense that that was what happened. Thankfully Sir is quite a bit more experienced than me so he handled it well and helped me come down. I am feeling much better now that I understand what happened and after talking with Sir

Have a good day 😊

  • Like 1
Meg97
Posted
12 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I've found there's no hard and fast "rules" on when subspace is likely to be achieved.

There have been cases where it has taken a long time - and has been times it's kicked in a little quicker.  A lot can be down to the intensity and how relaxed you are.

I remember a horrible scene I did where subspace was not achieved so it - well - it just hurt.  But then others where it's really been something to savour. 

I always thought that it took a very long time to achieve sub space so I was very confused as to what was happening, and now I'm glad to know what happened and I feel more prepared if it happens again

  • Like 1
eyemblacksheep
Posted

what I've also found is it can sometimes come from nowhere.  I remember almost collapsing after being unclipped from a frame - and the flogging didn't *seem* that intense and needing a few minute to savour.  

Even recently I was struggling through a bit of a whipping then all of a sudden, from nowhere things start to kick in.  There will be a clip of that, so it probably looks like we've been faking or pulling - and we haven't.  Mind, the scene ends with me crawling off and as soon as I'm out of camera shot I rolled onto my back to lap it all up. 

Meg97
Posted

It definitely came out of nowhere for me, but since it was the first time, I don't have any reference for now. I definitely want to explore it more with Sir and see if other things can get me there, we haven't done any impact play with instruments so far, just his hands. So I'm curious to see if a flogger or crop will get me there as well. I am a masochist so I'm assuming that some level of pain is required but only time will tell hahah

  • Like 1
eyemblacksheep
Posted

a friend of mine used to have some people she could crumble into subspace at the softest of touches.   Sometimes that can be all it took.  

Something to consider is doing a form of heavy play - and then when you're expecting another heavy strike, to have just the softest rub of finger tips.

Meg97
Posted

That's exactly what Sir did, mixed heavy painful strikes with soft touches and caresses, then back to heavy scratching and biting. I think it's a mix of both sensations that put me over the edge into subspace

  • Like 1
MsJax
Posted

@Meg97 I don't know if you found this piece... its by @VictoriaBlisse, and has info about both sub and top space, and drop, I saw you mentioned speaking to your Sir about any aftercare needs he might have, and thought it might help you know what your looking for.

You do seem to have a handle on it now, but for any other newcomers, it can't hurt to have more information all in one easy place :)

 

Meg97
Posted

@MsJax thank you for the article! It was really interesting and will help my conversation with Sir. The 2 times we saw each other, he had to leave around midnight so there was a bit of aftercare, but not enough and it was geared more towards me. But now I know that he might need different things after and I will be more aware of that next time I see Him.

  • Like 1
MsJax
Posted

My pleasure @Meg97, happy to help 😊

Posted

I am a dom, I am not into giving pain, I call what I do sensual domination, I still like to retrain my partner but I like to start with indulging senses slowly(feathers erotic massage, ice, etc.) and then forced multiple orgasms with tools available. I never heard of it called Subspace before. There is a picture on my profile explaining sensual domination. 

eyemblacksheep
Posted

Sensual Domination etc isn't necessarily subspace.

It can lead to a subspace.  But, it's often caused by the release of endorphins usually in 'fight or flight' situation, your bodies natural defences when you feel pain or attacked.  So sometimes the hard/hard/hard/hard/softest-touch-ever approach can work partially because your body is releasing endorphins to fight back and you suddenly notice this when the pain is taken away at the right point.

There's a clip I did recently, where you could be forgiven for thinking I was hamming it up, because I'm massively struggling and then there's a small break and the endorphins release - I can then take a lot more.

Subspace is generally the nice happy floaty feeling.  But, it's weird because this can be triggered from sensation play, or humiliation play, or pain play - or many other scenarios.  But, usually what's talked about as subspace is via the pain route, because that's the one that's more likely to release the appropriate endorphins. 

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