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Kink after kids?

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Posted

Evening all

I've lurked a while but decided to join up. To be honest, mainly through fears.

I just want to ask if people kept their wonderful sex lives full of kinks after their child was born?

I got smashed on reddit for asking. I think netmums want my head. But I'm a bloke who hasn't had kids, I know instinct will kick in and all that, of course I'll be supportive, I can't imagine otherwise. To be a dad is a dream for me. But I do have my fears and I figure you guys will get where I'm coming from here. I spent a large part of my life ashamed and embarrassed, made to feel like a wrongun again and again, and then I met the woman who gets me, I never dreamed I would meet someone who let me be myself, let alone grow together even further.

Yes I know she'll need help. Yes I will share duties. No I'm not a chauvinistic sex demanding dickhead. I'm just wondering about our kinky sex life and if I need to prepare for it to end. If she never touched me again, I'll still do whatever it takes to be with her till we're 500 years old. I just want to hear from you lot how you found it once the babies started coming along.  We need to talk about this as a couple, so any experiences kindly shared will be a great help, if only so my partner and I can read them together and be reassured, or have our naivety knocked out of us.

Thanks very much 

John

  • Like 5
Posted

It's harder to get private, just you two time, but there's no reason for you to have to abandon kink..in fact it may well provide some escape, relief, or me time, for each of you that you might not get otherwise..I know it helped me hold onto my identity rather than just turn into mum.

Get a babysitter, or better yet a doting grandparent to take little 'uns off your hands on a regular basis, even if it's only once a month, then you both have something to look forward to, perhaps make plans together over what you might want to explore or revisit, it helps keep the fire burning.

Make, or buy a lockable chest or tallboy to keep any toys away from prying eyes of sitters, and kiddies too once their big enough to notice things you don't want to have to explain.

Yes, until baby is in a routine, you'll both be extra tired, your sex drives may wane a little because of it..but, keep communication open..send naughty texts, make her smile and know you're still thinking of her as your lover, friend, partner, and of course sub or Domme..whichever she is, and not just the mother of your child, as awesome as that is..and be aware hormones are going to be all over the place for a little while, try to make allowances for that, and help her to still feel attractive with her new body during pregnancy, keep the bond..rub her back or feet if she's achy and bloated.

Whether specific kinks make a difference I can't say without knowing your interests, but most shouldn't be, certainly once baby is here, and take sensible precautions during pregnancy too obviously..don't penetrate too deeply with toys, be aware breasts may be more tender than usual, of strain on the back when maintaining certain positions etc..best of luck to you both 😊

 

 

  • Like 4
pink_knickers
Posted

As a mum of 4 I like kink.  OH only recently found out about it.  Been married 18 years.  We've had to be quieter when it comes to sex any way but we've started adding kink.  He doesn't really like it but he knows it pleases me.  He slaps my butt and bites my breasts if I ask but not voluntarily.  You can keep the kink after kids.  Just like it is easy to keep having sex after kids.  You just gotta have a very safe and secure place to keep your toys.

  • Like 3
Posted
Firstly you must know your audience lol, conservative middle class mums on reddit May need a good hard spank, even like it but it's not the best forum to air it. Navigating any kind of sex life with young children is challenging, just wait till you think you have some time and you're both in some precarious position to suddenly notice you have a bleary eyed 4 year old standing in the door, net mums have nothing on that! Still there's no reason you can't have a full and healthy sex life with all its furnishings and still be a good parent, after the second and third child didn't arrive by stork ;)
Posted
Lurkins good on this site been on 3 separate occasions found 3 MISTRESS'S all sounding and looking great but when it comes down to meeting up ,it usually involves credit cards ( mine not theirs) which is fine but I think it belittles a lot off honest kinky people looking for like minded people. Just saying.
  • Like 1
Posted

I'm not knocking girls who actually say on their profile they are findom that's them being honest and they all look gorgeous and people will pay, just in my experience payment wasn't mentioned until after I gave out all my personal details,I felt a right fucking dick ( no pun intended).

eyemblacksheep
Posted
1 hour ago, TAINTEDLOVE941 said:

Lurkins good on this site been on 3 separate occasions found 3 MISTRESS'S all sounding and looking great but when it comes down to meeting up ,it usually involves credit cards ( mine not theirs) which is fine but I think it belittles a lot off honest kinky people looking for like minded people. Just saying.

I'm not sure what help this offers the OP.  

eyemblacksheep
Posted

Like anything, it becomes priorities.  Of course people still have a sex life after children, else everyone would be an only child, haha.

But, it may be that any childs needs trumps your own, at least for a while.

I know many mums and parents and so forth - it can be limiting, but then it's all about making the most of any free time.

  • Like 1
Posted

I really wasn't offering help , I just commented on the word lurking and on this site you can get bitten,your private life but is your business not mine,.

Posted

Thanks for the reponses, I'm slow to reply due to my schedule but mainly as I wanted to properly absorb everyone's words.

I'm lucky in that we have great communication, but now we can read through this together and although we're all different it does give us more food for our thoughts.  Mad, I thought it'd be nothing but excitement - at fatherhood, a new dynamic, her delicious new body... when my worries kicked in and I followed them with a bit of research in the wrong places, wow, it threw me!  Honestly, one afternoon the most positive thing I could find was a lady who said she "couldn't care less if he (her guy) wanked himself stupid to porn instead... I don't care anymore...", which put quite a downer on my hopes for our future!

 

Haha we'll need a very big lockbox indeed!

 

Although I'm mainly dominant, it's in a gentle, loving way.  The prospect of running myself ragged making sure she gets everything she needs is a big turn on for me, so who knows what nature will do, but I'm sure it won't switch off her desire to be pampered.  She's already insisting I get what I need too, so between you all my silly head is feeling less lost already.  One point in my favour already is she knows I have a real thing for pregnant women, if I can barely walk past one without being completely distracted, she knows she'll be turning my head inside out every second of our journey.

 

Thank you all very much!

 

John

  • Like 1
Soleman70
Posted

I'm very easy to please.  Everything is okay as  long as I get to see and play with the soles of her bare feet and she gives me a footjob to completion.   I understand that mothering can be exhausting, so. I would be happy with that as a compromise-as long as I cum on her soles.  Of course I will make it worth her while!

 

However,  I would set up a color code system so the kids would understand that it's Mommy's and Daddy's playtime; any problems they might have and they will have to rely on self-sufficiecy at an earlier age than most kids. 

Soleman70
Posted

I would probably take her out to breakfast in the morning.


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