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NervousInquirer

What are some of the best ways I can cause my partner pain?

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NervousInquirer
Posted

I'm dating a woman with a spinal injury who has diminished sensation above the waist and none below. Pleasurable sensations aren't noticeable for her because of this, so she needs pain to enjoy herself. It's very difficult for me to hurt someone, and I've never explored anything BDSM before. But I mean where do you go to ask a question like this?

Her pain threshold is kind of ridiculous. She's had to have a lot of surgeries without anesthetic. I hoped maybe someone here would know a few ways to cause a lot of pain safely without causing injury.

Posted
First off understandable to be nervous but it’s really admirable of you to reach out for your partners benefit. Couple of annoying things to think about first, how often does she have doctors appts or if a nurse comes to check in; this would limit the amount of lasting marks you can make. Say a spanking, the area could be back to normal color within an hour depending on the intensity but a welt from a cane or belt is going to take longer to heal. And if the medical team does full skin checks it could cause some awkward questions. Assuming (and sorry for it) that she is in a wheelchair or usually seated you’ll want to go easier on her upper back since she’ll have to recline on it at some point. As long as her blood flow is good there are several rope ties that make your breasts and nipples more sensitive, add some nipple clamps if she’s agreed and that should cause some nice sensations or you could just try pinching and twisting at first. There are many websites explaining how to tie correctly and youtube videos to watch, I’d definitely recommend watching them first and always keep sharp scissors nearby. Hope you can get some more advice and that your partner enjoys.
eyemblacksheep
Posted

something to possibly consider is looking at electrics.  An E-stim machine and some of the attachments could be a good starting point

  • Like 1
Posted
This is not a trial test like car test?? A person without condition like your date requires some basic skills experience so i will think twice before going further with your date?? Best way it’s to get someone professionally or a mentor
NervousInquirer
Posted (edited)

Thanks Cutiekins26! Actually hurting someone is a really scary thing for me. I did not appreciate my family's use of violence growing up, and I'm sure I'm a more gentle person having seen that. But it makes striking or hurting someone very difficult for me. So your suggestions like clamps and ropes appeal to me! Also, I'm reeeeeally confident she'd like being tied up.

Yes, Fab, she is not a car. And I am not taking her out for a spin. She and I have no intention of letting her condition take something like this away from her. I would never rush into something I don't understand and risk hurting her. EVER. That's why I came here, looking for people with more experience. Who could tell me what would work, and where I might go to learn the right way.

Edited by NervousInquirer
Posted
On 7/29/2018 at 12:51 AM, FabSeverus said:

This is not a trial test like car test?? A person without condition like your date requires some basic skills experience so i will think twice before going further with your date?? Best way it’s to get someone professionally or a mentor

I would tend to agree here 

why don't you book a session locally with a professional Dominant who already knows about the Antomy of Spanking and understand how do things safely 

there places where you should and shouldn't hurt , now speaking from experience things can go badly wrong of you don't understand the conditions and the consequences of your actions 

 

My advice would be 

seek professional guidance 

find a mentor who will educate you share your knowledge and experience

read educate yourself understand what she is asking you to do 

Also in your case I would formalise a written agreement with your girls signature saying it's safe safe and consensual ... 

 

do yoU know what to do if she was taken ill mid session  

 

lots of thoughts 

just be careful 

Protect yourself and her 

 

Sx 

NervousInquirer
Posted
On 7/29/2018 at 11:33 PM, sammyb45 said:

why don't you book a session locally with a professional Dominant who already knows about the Antomy of Spanking and understand how do things safely 

there places where you should and shouldn't hurt , now speaking from experience things can go badly wrong of you don't understand the conditions and the consequences of your actions
...
do yoU know what to do if she was taken ill mid session 

I hadn't thought of that (professional dominants). It makes sense that it would be a thing, and I can search around locally to find one I'm sure!

Being uncertain about the consequences of inflicting pain in specific areas is the whole reason I made this post. Pain is meant to tell you when something is wrong, so for certain inflicting it in the wrong place could cause serious injuries. Or it might not even be the wrong place. It could be the right place but too hard or too frequently. These are all things I'll need to know in detail before I do anything, and even once I know them it will be important to try things cautiously and listen to her feedback (and know what warning signs to look for). Everybody is different, so whatever I learn I'll still need to adapt to her specifically.

I've worked in hospitals and had training in basic first aid and emergency response procedures. In the event of an emergency, I'm well prepared to remain calm and act with her safety in mind. I've been in far more deadly and threatening situations before, and have been repeatedly tested under crisis.

Before we start anything, we'll be going over emergency contact information for her doctors. I'll cover specific risk factors such as best ways for her to be positioned or risky movements with relation to any of her surgeries, and the obligatory safe word. Again, I've worked in hospitals lifting and moving patients with serious injuries, and have had the necessary training to go with those actions. I'll be able to apply that here, with her feedback of course.

This post is kind of like when you start a research paper, so you go to the reference librarian and ask for suggestions. You're not going to write the paper off the two or three things he/she says, but at least you'll know where to start. So far I know:

  1. Different rope ties can increase breast sensitivity. It's important for her to have good blood flow to use this technique (she does), and an important safety is to have scissors on hand. She loves breast play, this goes to the top of the list for research. Many informative videos exist.
     
  2. Avoid any sort of lasting injuries to her back because she'll have to rest on them all day in her wheelchair.
     
  3. Electric stimulation is a useful tool. Sadly, electrocution has... traumatic memories for her. This one is out.
     
  4. She is not a car. I should not test-drive her. This is too bad, I had a great seat cover picked out. 
     
  5. Professional dominants are a thing, and they may be able to teach or instruct me in the safest applications of these techniques. I should find one in my area. Ask him or her about those rope ties.
     
  6. Even after learning techniques to use, proceed cautiously and test them with slowly increasing intensity in the targeted area. Be sure to check her feedback and be aware of any worrying signs. Adjust as-needed for her body while staying within the guidelines learned from a mentor or professional dominant. If I'm not certain about something, don't do it. Risks are not okay.
     
  7. Have an emergency plan and be prepared. Be thoroughly aware of her medical needs and the necessary response to an event. Discuss this at length with her. Be prepared. Be aware.
     
  8. Safe word!
     
  9. Consider a written agreement for both our safety.
     

Now, this "she is not a car" thing upsets me. I mean, people must be saying it because it's become necessary. Warning signs exist because someone tried the stupid thing, and now we have a sign. I don't want people to be afraid that I'm one of these people the idiot-sign was made for.

If I'm upset it's not at the people pointing this out to me, it's at the people who make those warnings necessary. I want to put everyone's mind at ease as best I can, and show you that not only do I have my partner's best interests at heart but I have the knowledge and skills to ensure I act correctly on those interests. That I am not reckless, but cautious and prepared.

She is not a car. She is not an object, a thing, or a toy. If I "drive" her and we're in an accident, there is no guarantee that her "mechanic" can fix her. Her insurance company will not issue me a replacement. She is irreplaceable. None of this is funny. This is a person's life and health, and one I care about. I take it more seriously than my own life.


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