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Fimus

Am I Wrong?

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Posted

I have never had a severe pain experience, but was recently introduced to the idea. After a lot of thought, I found myself willing to give in to the experience (details matter, but not important here). However, because I took my time I now find myself being accused of being "not really into it" and "wasting" her time. 

 

Is this down to too many time wasters? Or did I just stumble upon an idiot?

  • Like 1
Posted

It's hard to say without details, but I respect you not wanting to share those. 

Your limits are your limits, and trying something and not maybe going as far as first planned is not a bad thing at all. You don't know what you'll like 'til you try. 

I think it's unreasonable for you to be blamed for that. Everyone is different and has their limits that should be respected. 

 

  • Like 3
Posted

I know that there are some Doms/Dommes that state they have been let down/led on by fake subs. (I have no idea how true this is, maybe some Dominants here can attest to it).

However from my experience those that cry, 'youre wasting my time' aren't true Doms, but merely want a quick fix (often sexual) and aren't at all interested in the subs feelings or needs for time to trust the dynamic. 
It sounds like you got out of a potentially harmful situation, don't beat yourself up (pun intended!) *smiles*

  • Like 5
MissMermaid
Posted
As a Domme I have experienced many time wasters, and ‘submissives’ that want me to talk in great detail about what I would ‘do to them’ but when the time came to finally meeting up, they let me down or just vanished. So now I’m very wary as it seems there are a lot of subs that are just on here to get their kicks online but have no intention on actually ever meeting up. But that is just my experience, and I can’t speak for other Dommes/Dom’s.
  • Like 5
Posted
Just now, MissMermaid said:

As a Domme I have experienced many time wasters, and ‘submissives’ that want me to talk in great detail about what I would ‘do to them’ but when the time came to finally meeting up, they let me down or just vanished. So now I’m very wary as it seems there are a lot of subs that are just on here to get their kicks online but have no intention on actually ever meeting up. But that is just my experience, and I can’t speak for other Dommes/Dom’s.

It's always interesting to hear from the other side (so to speak) … I can imagine that is extremely frustrating. 
Time is precious so to have it wasted must hurt. 

But likewise, Dom's pushing for more then a sub is happy to give (at that time) is a red flag, for me at least …
Dynamics take time if they are going to work in the long term. But then I guess it's what each party wants out of the experience. 

  • Like 4
MissMermaid
Posted

I’ve literally just commented on another forum post about submissive’s limits, and I whole heartedly agree! A true Dom/Domme shouldn’t ever try and push something their submissive isn’t happy with. Limits are limits and should be respected completely... if that doesn’t make you compatible then move along, don’t try force the issue as that destroys any trust. 

3 minutes ago, Daddys_little_girl said:

It's always interesting to hear from the other side (so to speak) … I can imagine that is extremely frustrating. 
Time is precious so to have it wasted must hurt. 

But likewise, Dom's pushing for more then a sub is happy to give (at that time) is a red flag, for me at least …
Dynamics take time if they are going to work in the long term. But then I guess it's what each party wants out of the experience. 

 

  • Like 4
Posted
Just now, MissMermaid said:

I’ve literally just commented on another forum post about submissive’s limits, and I whole heartedly agree! A true Dom/Domme shouldn’t ever try and push something their submissive isn’t happy with. Limits are limits and should be respected completely... if that doesn’t make you compatible then move along, don’t try force the issue as that destroys any trust. 

 

I just read that, it seems we are on the same page. Good to hear your perspective. You sound like one of the good 'guys' :)

  • Like 4
Posted

And as if to prove this point entirely. 

Replied to a message politely. 
Obviously not compatible. 
Said as much … again nicely. 

And get a final message of:

"Haha fake bitch" 

*sighs and rolls eyes*
 

  • Like 4
eyemblacksheep
Posted

I've come across time wasters and idiots.

A top tip for me would be to always be honest about your experience, levels and desires - but taking a hard beating if you've never done it before - it's a no no.

One of the first stories I got was from a guy who begged a lady for a judicial punishment, when she eventually agreed, she strapped him in, hit him - and he safeworded on the second hit.

Obviously, safeword whenever.  But, the guy just totally wasted her time pestering her for this fantasy.  Shit hurts, it really hurts.

And I've seen similar happen first hand, "We didn't think you were enjoying it", "I wasn't", "Well why did you do it?", "I was submitting to it", "No you weren't - you lied about your experience and got put in a dangerous position"

 

  • Like 4
Posted
as you dont say to much about your communication with your (?), could be days, weeks, how many messages, etc...its difficult to really give a fair answer. But regardless a sub got any right, at any time to withdraw, cancel, end what ever relationship they have with a (?). its cruel but its their right. I had myself few pull out at the last minute, they think they can do it but realise its harder than a fantasy. But also like mentioned earlier you are allowed to take your time before doing the plunge
Posted

Hi, I've got someone wasting my time ( a dom/master), never wants to meet with the reply " you've not earned my time" or "don't think you're ready" and even though I respect his decision it can be frustrating at times. I hope you find someone who will respect you and your limits and if you need to take time then take time, don't feel bad about it. Best of luck

  • Like 1
Posted

It is perhaps of supreme irony that I am ready to submit myself fully

And seem to have no-one ready to take me up!

eyemblacksheep
Posted
10 hours ago, Rosie777 said:

Hi, I've got someone wasting my time ( a dom/master), never wants to meet with the reply " you've not earned my time" or "don't think you're ready" and even though I respect his decision it can be frustrating at times. I hope you find someone who will respect you and your limits and if you need to take time then take time, don't feel bad about it. Best of luck

I hate to say this, but it sounds like he's wasting your time.  He gets off on the online so never intends to meet.   

eyemblacksheep
Posted
8 hours ago, Fimus said:

It is perhaps of supreme irony that I am ready to submit myself fully

And seem to have no-one ready to take me up!

It takes a lot of time.

Here's a problem : do you know how many guys tell everyone they're ready for full submission etc every day and most of them are not.

You have to stand out from them, this is a long process.

Posted

And yet the only way to "prove myself" is to actually do it, but until I do it no-one will believe I will - catch 22

eyemblacksheep
Posted

the kink scene is one of the easiest ways to get experience.  Go to a munch or an event, where people are already into kink.  When you're with or near someone whose interest you're trying to subtly grab - start clearing empty glasses.  Give up a chair for a lady to sit down.  If you see someone who needs help offer it (mind, i did once see a lady struggling who was working the bar and offered to help and ended up working the bar half the night - haha - mind, the two of us kept in touch and she did give me a caning at the end).

If there's a workshop, volunteer yourself to be demo'd on.  

There are loads of little things you can do.

Posted

Okay

 

Can anyone explain how "I am willing to do this" equates to "you are not really into this"?

Seriously - I am totally confused. Having decided that I want the full experience I am now being told that I am out of order for not wanting to go the whole way

 

Have I just found a weirdo?

3SumQueen
Posted

Whoever said that has got vibes from you that you aren't that into *whatever*.

They may of course be trying to manipulate you into doing what they want, but it's more likely you are miscommunicating and/or they're looking into things too much because of all the actual time wasters out there who like to talk shit.

eyemblacksheep
Posted

context is everything.

also, remember, if you're talking to someone on here - they can see all your forum posts - and that also helps them build a picture, positive or negative.

It is possible to be too eager.  You can't really, confidently, say you'd go "all the way" (so to speak) if you've not dipped toes first.

Basically, it's kinda like - I dunno - looking for a wife to have 2 kids with when you're single, you don't know how the relationship will change and how your wants/needs (and hers) will change or develop.
I mean, you can have aspirations, sure, but, this is still a long game.

  • Like 1

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