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E-dUbBs

Dom Vs Domme

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Posted

Recently I've seen a lot of ladies call themselves Doms.

now i know in the mainstream

actresses = actors

policewomen = police officers

etc

but surely a powerful woman should be recognised as such?

surely a Domme is still a Domme?

this is not a thing about labels everyone can label themselves as they like but just matter of recognition?

 

  • Like 3
Posted

I counter with saying why does the fact it's a woman make any difference? The added 'me' on Dom is just to note they are female. Why should they have to do that? 

And, as with everything, I think its the persons'  decision as to what they label themselves. I have a female friend who prefers to be called Daddy for example. 

  • Like 3
Posted (edited)

I agree totally with the point of not having to just saying i think that a female being recognized as a powerful woman in my eyes shouldn’t be discarded But again it’s a labels thing, people should be free to choose their own labels I just thought it was a toipic worth discussing and exploring

Edited by E-dUbBs
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Posted
i’ve always believed that a Domme is female and Dom obviously male
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Posted

True Hana but it’s jysr a recent thing I’ve noticed 

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Mrchristopher70
Posted (edited)

For me it generally means and shows a lack of understanding and in this lies the problem . When you want and need someone to take you seriously educate your self read and in this you will gain focus and knowledge without understanding the dynamic how can you expect people to trust that you know what you are doing in something that done wrong can be so damaging .C

P s . We all have different views I myself count my self as having old fashioned views and may be regarded as old school which I'm proud of . 

Edited by Mrchristopher70
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Posted
Same here E-dubs but also agree with MrC as i know when i see female Dom written i often think “someone without a clue”doesn’t mean it’s the case but that’s the first thing i think off
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Mrchristopher70
Posted (edited)

For myself this also raises red flags as to..do they really know what they are talking about .. for me its basics of you dont know the basics then well ...

It's the same with the amount of people coming on with the comment..I'm a slave I want to be owned..do they really have the slightest idea ..prob not it says to me.

It can be complex and a difficult dynamic and lifestyle to step into ..

So No1 educate yourself just the basics will pay dividends ..

C

Edited by Mrchristopher70
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eyemblacksheep
Posted

I know a lady who riled a few people because she was describing herself as a Master.   Of course, Master is an example of the sexism within our language.

For me, it doesn't matter if a Lady were to choose Domme or Dom - I mean, among anything else - there's only one m and no e at all in the word it abbreviates, Dominant.
 

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Mrchristopher70
Posted
8 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I know a lady who riled a few people because she was describing herself as a Master.   Of course, Master is an example of the sexism within our language.

For me, it doesn't matter if a Lady were to choose Domme or Dom - I mean, among anything else - there's only one m and no e at all in the word it abbreviates, Dominant.
 

Within a dynamic with defined roles and behaviours clarity is often required. We are not talking about PC I mean there's nothing PC about a BDSM relationship. 

  • Like 1
Posted

Indeed, I can understand someone wanting to not use a name that is, essentially, sexist.

Why isn't there the same thing for subs? There is no specific female form, right? 

So why is there a need to indicate that the Dom is female? Makes you think.

 

  • Like 2
Posted
Just now, Mrchristopher70 said:

Within a dynamic with defined roles and behaviours clarity is often required. We are not talking about PC I mean there's nothing PC about a BDSM relationship. 

There I don't agree at all. But maybe our definitions of PC are different. PC to me means respect. And All BDM relationship are inherently respectful. With consent at every step. 

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Mrchristopher70
Posted

PC In no way represents respect in my eyes .respect Is earnt . 

Posted
4 minutes ago, VictoriaBlisse said:

Indeed, I can understand someone wanting to not use a name that is, essentially, sexist.

Why isn't there the same thing for subs? There is no specific female form, right? 

So why is there a need to indicate that the Dom is female? Makes you think.

 

Because subs/slaves often have no gender or is not as ‘important/worty’ (Sorry can’t think of the exact word!) as a Dominant. The Dominant is also the ‘powerful one’ what is sortve silly when it’s the submissive that holds the power

eyemblacksheep
Posted

I'm not sure why PC is brought into this?

Posted
Just now, hana said:

Because subs/slaves often have no gender or is not as ‘important/worty’ (Sorry can’t think of the exact word!) as a Dominant. The Dominant is also the ‘powerful one’ what is sortve silly when it’s the submissive that holds the power

I don't get that. I've not yet met a sub without gender or a Dom who treats all subs as  a non gendered entity. 

And why then does there need to be an indication of gender for the powerful?  

Power is within the dynamic of the relationship of the people. Not in the placement of a few letters. 

 

6 minutes ago, Mrchristopher70 said:

PC In no way represents respect in my eyes .respect Is earnt . 

 

And there is where we differ, entirely. I think everyone deserves respect, for they are human just as I am. 

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eyemblacksheep
Posted

I did read something yesterday which had me think a little bit, that, a lot of guys into Femdom actually do rank women as inferior and see being Dominated by them as therefore "taboo"  - effectively trying to shoe people into a gendered role does play into that point.

  • Like 1
Posted
10 minutes ago, VictoriaBlisse said:

I don't get that. I've not yet met a sub without gender or a Dom who treats all subs as  a non gendered entity. 

And why then does there need to be an indication of gender for the powerful?  

Power is within the dynamic of the relationship of the people. Not in the placement of a few letters. 

 

 

And there is where we differ, entirely. I think everyone deserves respect, for they are human just as I am. 

It is just a ‘opinion’ i have noticed from some, especially some old school Dom/mes and ones within Dom slave relationships

Posted (edited)

Seems like one of those things between the old guard and new guard. I find that Domme/Dom is more a preference thing and id have never considered it part of the basics even though when I started reading into the lifestyle every book recommended to me by members of the old guard approached it with the attitude of "Dommes are females and if she calls herself a Dom shes obviously so green she doesn't understand what it means". I think part of the reason that Domme even came to be is that the further back in the history of the scene you go the less and less dominant women you find and the more need there was to create for themselves their own identity within the scene. To clarify i mean far far back in the scene to some of the origins of many of the modern dynamics in the late 1800s early 1900s.

Edited by MisterKBDJ
eyemblacksheep
Posted

To go into BDSM history - a lot is very female-led.

But that's going back centuries.

A lot of what we know as BDSM/Fetish/"the scene" is Post World War II - a lot spawning from the gay/leather scenes : so a lot of the re-introduction of the lifestyle, especially as more literature became accessible, was very male-led : and a lot seem determined to keep it that way.

Posted
4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

To go into BDSM history - a lot is very female-led.

But that's going back centuries.

A lot of what we know as BDSM/Fetish/"the scene" is Post World War II - a lot spawning from the gay/leather scenes : so a lot of the re-introduction of the lifestyle, especially as more literature became accessible, was very male-led : and a lot seem determined to keep it that way.

Yes that is true, I mean moreso these modern interpretations of the dynamics that came out of the leather/gay movement and the femdom revolutions that came around with second and third wave feminism.

eyemblacksheep
Posted

Oh absolutely.

And also it's something I find interesting that it's a scene very much from the gay scene; but then there's been a bit of a tire-fire on another site from older folk complaining about LGBTQ+/SJW/PC/etc. when it was a scene ripped off from those circles in the first place.

Posted (edited)

This is fabulous...

I am the product of feminism/ political correctness. 

Thanks to my fore mothers I am an educated,  professional woman who works full time and manages this alongside raising a young family,  as a single parent due to hopeless men. This is another topic but also feeds into the success of women.....

In BDSM my femininity is celebrated,  all that was challenged previously about the objectification of women and their sexuality is brought to the fore.  I am a proud submissive and my learning on this part of my journey has consolidated all I've learned in vanilla life. 

I am fearful that a dilution of language in this community will dilute what this means to so many.  

PC is prevalent in our daily lives, communication,  openness and opinions are all inhibited by it, in my opinion.  I love the fact that I can relinquish my feminist "privilege" to Sir who is able to keep up with me and in many many ways had taught me so much.  Women should feel empowered by the definitions BDSM brings whatever identity/ role. Bringing PC into this life I feel can only be detrimental as the two don't fit.  How can we express ourselves if we can't use the appropriate language? This will only breed confusion and discord. 

We should promote respect,  free speech and the opportunity to explore these issues whilst continuing to pay homage to the origins of our lifestyle/ sexuality.  Thus valuing and preserving the heritage while sharing and passing on what we have learnt. 

🔥

 

 

Edited by Firewitch
  • Like 4
Posted

I love that this is such an open and divisive topic 

I too from a personal point of view hope that while allowing for equality and respect (should come as standard) that we don’t lose these labels for people who want to use them

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