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Please help me understand where my ex is

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Hi there

This is complicated so here's a little back story

Me and my wife have separated after 12 years together. We had drifted apart. Since then she has got back in to this scene and is dipping her toe back in. She has found someone that she is doing stuff with. I'm not sure exactly what it is she is doing but I will try my best to describe, as I understand it, what she is in to.

I believe she lives to be a submissive. Likes to be degraded. 

Recenttly my feelings for her have come back. I'm not looking for advise on our relationship. What I would like to know is how intermate does this stuff get? I imagine you have to have quite the bond with someone to engage in this. She says that it is just a sex thing but it feels like it's more to me.

Can anyone shead some light on this for me? I want to understand more but the only person I can talk to about this is my ex. I hope I don't offend anyone with my ignorance. 

Thank you

You may not want relationship advice, but you need it. Unless you enjoy kicking a hornet's nest, you need to stay well out of it and let her do her own thing. Sorry to be blunt, but worrying over this can only lead to more misery for you both (and I speak as a submissive)
At the end of the day mate, it's none of your business. Sorry, but you gotta let it go. Some kink relationships have zero attachment involved and some have plenty. I have partners I only meet to fuck and partners I go on dates with before letting them tie me up. But ultimately; the intimacy, sexuality whatever only has to do with your ex, not you, and obsessing over these things isn't going to lead you down a good path.
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Ok. I'm only trying to understand so I can move on really. Was a little lost and didn't no where to turn. 


Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.


For some people it's very intimate. For some it's just light fun.

Regardless... you do need to kinda forget about your ex.  No one here can tell you how deep it is for her and trying to find out won't help you move on. Sorry.

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Find someone that is right for you.

If you try to change yourself into someone that you think she will like, you will no longer be yourself.

And you will end up climbing down a rabbit hole that you cannot get out of.

Be free to be with someone who likes you for who you are, not pretend to be something that you are not, otherwise you will never respect yourself, and neither will she or anyone else.

I have been there and done it, mate and I am sure a lot of people reading this have too. It always ends badly.