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Fimus

Why is "Yes" so scary?

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Posted

Is it just me? I have said "yes" to dozens of offers (ranging from vanilla to quite extreme) in the past few weeks, on various websites, but that "yes" seems to always make them run away - and I mean men, women, couples and even groups. What is it about "that sounds great" that scares people?

3SumQueen
Posted

You could be coming off as too keen?
Also you may not be participating in the fantasy as much as they'd like you too either and so they don't retain any interest in you, although if you do participate online in the fantasy they may be wanking over the chat and not need to meet (or never had any intention to). Online is hard i think, especially for men where they tend to be dispensable.

Posted

I guess it all depends on the context. If you're saying yes to an offer in say, a personal ad, then maybe you're not completely filling the bill of what's being looked for.  It could be that as 3SumQueen says, they've had their fun and don't want any more (which is a bit of a shitty thing to do to someone else without them knowing I think) or  maybe even the tining hasn't worked out right. 

Always remember, your yes is only one side of the story. Everyone has to be in that 'yes' place for anything to move forward. 

  • Like 1
eyemblacksheep
Posted

it is possible to say 'yes' too much and subsequently look desperate for anything.

there is, as said, context missing - but, it's important to look at yeses that make sense.

Posted (edited)

On top of everything said above people can get cold feet or just be "window shopping". They think they want something, will put time and effort into looking for/organising it but when it acctually comes to it find some reason to not bother or why this isn't the right time or (and please don't take this one personally, I know nothing about you and who you are isn't the important part anyway) while I'd guess we are the same in that we would be happy to just find a suitable person/persons they. Many people have some impossiable "pefect" person in their heads and won't budge from this ideal to meet real life and acctually have the experiance. In both ordinary dating and now with what me and my partner are looking for I've contacted countless people who from what we've both written or said in person we seem to be quite compitable or what we are looking for lines up and have been left completely ignored or been just suddenly left hanging after think I'd/we'd made some progress. I've also seen this in all sorts of personal/interperosnal situations (taking up a new hobbie alone and in groups, big purchases, starting businesses etc)

 

I don't take it personally but I do find it interesting how different the manners of these things is online than in real life. If in real life at say an event you attempted to talk to some one (reasonably) and they just completly ignored you it'd raise a few eyebrows and roping people along when you have no intentions of following through or not giving people some kind or reason or closer if things change is considered flat out rude but online you've just got to accept these things and roll with it. Keep contacting people, maby cool your jets a bit if you think you are over keen and just accept that people just might not be interested in you or mabey even, no matter how much effort they appear to be putting, acctaully going through with what they claim to want.  (And yes I am well aware that there are right and wrong ways to make first contact and that people have their own expectations)

 

And yes, saying yes can be scary

Edited by Ben937
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