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A sub training a Dom: is this really possible?

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So I met a man (who was kink inclined when I first started fucking him) who I’ve told that I’m a sub and what I like. He’s become very excited and interested by this fact and has asked if I can train him to become my Dom.

This is totally new territory for me and am not even sure if a sub can train a Dom. I’ve obviously pointed him in the direction of various websites and books. 

I’m very happy to help him on his journey but as I’ve zero experience of this don’t want to invest time and effort for something that is unrealistic. I’d really appreciate any feedback from subs who have done this or any Dom thoughts on this.



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I am submissive and I have little experience but what I can advise you is to talk to him and ask him exactly what he wants. because everyone has their fantasies and just try to enjoy as much as you can along with the
you're welcome That man is lucky to have you you worry about being happy
Hi. Many will disagree and say it's topping from the bottom. I say GO FOR IT, we all must start somewhere but talk it through first....
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It's absolutely fine, and actually a very typical way many marriages and so forth begin to delve into more BDSM. Fuck rules and all these wankers who have no life and follow some book written by a likely virgin in his mum's basement. Just do what feels right and have fun. There are no rules other than those in both your minds. So let go and do what you wish. If he's a good guy, you need to keep that around. Dom's are not always easy to find, both real ones who aren't just mysgonists, or aren't even that nice of men as well as being shit Dom's. So give him a chance and enjoy experimenting. And remember, BDSM doesn't have rules, you do. So relax and enjoy the fun.

I'm going thru this very same thing! I've been fucking him for over a year as FWB and I told him I wanted to try it with him. At times frustrating because I know what I want and like and he has no clue so I feel by me telling him what I want and like it's fake because he's only doing because I tell him to.   Ive done the same and made him write rules for me and it had helped him reading about it online. 

Sometimes I think people are actually dominant but their kinks are in the submissive zone.. Sometimes I wonder if its just my Dominant side enjoying being in control so much that giving that control to another and allowing myself to be Dominated by another gives me a huge rush but ultimately even though you're the sub in the situation your still somehow in control because the person dominating you has been trained specifically to dominate you by you.

I think it’s quite common for dominants to begin learning their craft by listening to what a submissive has to say. The difference between a good dominant and a service top is that eventually there will come a time when the D says I would like to try this or that whereas a service top will continue to do it your way. But yes it is perfectly ok for you to begin his training.

It may also be a good idea to attend some play events so that he can get some idea of the things he may want to try

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Topping from the bottom is usually necessary for me anyway (initially) so that i know my submissive is happy with what i have to offer and that i enjoy giving them what they want. I don't really enjoy this with some people especially when it feels like they're making a list of demands rather than us having some compatibility.

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Anyone can learn from anyone. All you have to do is tell him what you want, and you'll figure it out together

I think it's very different to topping-from-the-bottom : but, yeah...

you've knowledge in your head and surely things you'll want to share - so share them...  obviously if you point him towards good resources that'll help : but I do second the notion to get involved in a local community - even just temporarily it'll be a good chance to interact one on one with people with similar stories and it's also much more practical to get hands on demos

and important factor for both of you to consider is there may be a lot of trial and error

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I 'imagine' it could very well be a 2 way thing - the training a dom thing form the sub perspective.

The fact he is interested and excited by it is obviously a good thing - i think it then comes down to the personalities, the characters,  the expectations, the whims and the desires of those involved  -as to where it goes.

So dont see it being unrealistic - the time and energy thing is part of the deal i suppose.



I got into the Fetish scene purely by accident 17 yrs ago, my Girlfriend at the time wanted kinky sex and i was clueless. So we worked on her fantasies and looking back they were quite vanilla, but we both enjoyed it so pushed our boundaries each time.

Growing up i was always told a man should never hit a woman, so you can imagine the problems i faced when she came home with a paddle and a flogger , it was a struggle to hit her hard as she required at first (2 yrs ago i could have quite happily punched her in the face but that`s a different story lol). Always work on a scale of 1-10 that`s the measure of pain each time a paddle/flogger hits.. He will learn how to control his swing and you will understand your pain threshold, if that`s what you are into.

I remember i enjoyed learning rope work, but my sausage fingers made me very clumsy to start with.. so be patient, but safety first never play without safety scissors and there are plenty of tutorials online.

Men are easily lead and think with their dick, with me i found the more Dominant i got with her the more sex i got and not just in the bedroom.She would often instigate the fun at first by telling me she had been a naughty girl and needed punishing, that was the green light .

Not everything will suit you both, but try it at least once. It`s all about experimenting and learning about your inner dark desires and having fun with them.

I could never go back to being vanilla, that`s why i`m here and i will never be submissive , nor do i want to and that`s all because a g/f showed me a different path and an alternative lifestyle

Got to start somewhere I guess the difference is whether they continue to follow a script or gain the confidence to start thinking independently. I believe sub can train a Dom but not necessarily your Dom

as a sub I've spoken to a few newbe doms and gave them some advise on how a sub likes to be handled and its not cookie cutter each sub is different


A good dom should find out what a sub really wants and help them make it happen, not just randomly boss a sub around or just meet their own needs. In my view and experience anyway, so he could start with this.