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DougELuv

Queening: What's really going on....

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DougELuv
Posted (edited)

It never ceases to amaze me that much of the BDSM community reduces most sexual activity to D/s roles.  Take for example Queening.  I read an article this morning on this topic throughout which there were numerous mentions of D/s roles and buzz-terms like "power exchange".  Too be sure, this is very much a part of the discussion.  However, there may be an equally important reason why more and more women seem to enjoy Queening that is sadly being overlooked if not completely ignored.  It's name is the paraurethal skene's gland located on either side of the base of the urethal opening.  Actually, the Skene's glands are a system of glands that form the epicenter for female ejaculation (aka "squirting"), and the earthquake-like orgasms that are often associated with them.

Somehow I feel certain that the last thing on a women's mind when she getting the tongue lashing of her life (pun intended), are things like power exchange, whose dominant, whose submissive, or any of the rest of that.  That stuff is all for before and after, and not what's between her sweet dewy thighs.

Edited by DougELuv
Grammer
  • Like 2
Posted

Here's an idea, maybe ask women for their opinion?

 

Sometimes D/s roles are the most important aspect in play for people, sometimes not. I know I've thought of power exchange when enjoying oral sex before now. My thoughts aren't always focused on what's being done and getting to orgasm. 

  • Like 6
DougELuv
Posted

Hi Victoria,

I've be giving a great deal of thought to your post trying to find a common ground between your position and scientific facts that at least seem to run contrary to that position.

First the science.  One of the more acutely parts of the brain that is affected during sex is the cerebrum, where higher functions like interpreting touch, vision and hearing, as well as speech, reasoning, emotions, learning, and fine motor control take place.  Large portions of the entire brain become flooded with dopamine.  The medulla becomes flooded with norepinephrine which is why we experience an increase in respiration, heart rate, and blood pressure.  Serotonin levels decrease.

At this point I'd like to add another little factoid.  That being, the general scientific consensus is that it takes women longer to become sexually aroused and stimulated, and their orgasms tend last longer then men.

With all that going on inside one's brain and body, cognitive thought is at the very least severely limited if not almost impossible at least at those moments directly before, during, and following orgasm.

Having said all that I do believe that you position has merit.  If I understand what you're saying there are at least moments whae things like D/s roles, power exchange, etc. are primary and that sex is just a means of experiencing the feeling those things give you and that orgasm is not necessarily all that important...?

  • Like 1
3SumQueen
Posted

As a squirter myself orgasms and squirting do not correlate.

I think sub/domme just tends to be like yin/yang, where opposites tend to compliment each others needs.

  • Like 3
eyemblacksheep
Posted

dude, are you trying to mansplain women's organs?  Seriously?

  • Like 2
DougELuv
Posted

@ eyemblacksheep:  First off, my name is NOT dude!  Second, I was not attempting to "mansplain" anything.  I will however, admit to being a science nerd and when people say things that run contrary to science that will surely engage my attention.  Also, it seems to have escaped your attention that my second post not only grants that there may be merit to Victoria's position but concludes with a question.  which, apparently, no one seems disposed to attempt to answer.

Lighten up folks!  My original post, if read fairly, only sought to present that "queening" may have a dynamic that is not necessarily rooted in traditional D/s or BDSM culture.

 

eyemblacksheep
Posted (edited)

lighten up? you've come here to be condescending and tell women they're wrong - and to, well, tell people into the life style they're wrong.

 

Edited by eyemblacksheep
i was a bit unfair with a comment
eyemblacksheep
Posted

I mean, it's true - science does of course play a part - but there's a lot - not just in Queening but in many other types of activity which doesn't just come down to the physical activity.

 

DougELuv
Posted

@eyemblacksheep:  Let me thank you acknowledging that you may have been a bit unfair with a comment.  That speaks highly for you.

Too be honest, I think that perhaps I did err in one respect regarding my original post in that I perhaps should have pointed out that I am a hedonist.  I don't often do that because it is not a philosophy that is well understood.  My own anecdotal experience is that all too often people tend to think hedonism is self-gratification for its own sake without consideration for others.  That simply is not true.

Further, I completely agree with you remark:

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I mean, it's true - science does of course play a part - but there's a lot - not just in Queening but in many other types of activity which doesn't just come down to the physical activity.

I would also go one step further in saying that my own hedonistic values sometime make it difficult for me to appreciate how the BDSM community portraits the power exchange within the context of dominant and submissive roles.  A philosophical argument can be reasonably  made that, initially, the submissive/masochistic person assumes the power roll.  That at some point they surrender that power roll to the dominant/sadistic person is something of a forgone conclusion.  If both of these dynamics were not present neither roll could be fulfilled.

This begs an interesting question which may further buttress your remark, that at least from a psychological perspective could both dominants and submissives also be considered switches...?

No doubt that question will probably go over like a screen door on a submarine.  Please, I am not being flip or in any way disrespectful.  It just strikes me that the only true dominants or submissives would have to be in the Master/Slave relationship where there is no power exchange.

Kitty74
Posted

I read this post yesterday and I thought I would come back to it today, I needed a little distance. The beauty of science is that you don't have to believe for the facts to still be true. The interpretation of those facts however can be distorted. The phases that crossed my mind yesterday and still today are lazy sexism and manspaining. I think there are some valid points but to narrow this down to, last thing going through a woman's mind is an assumption not justified. Stereotyping a gender as a whole and not giving individuals credit for their own motivations/desires is drawing a conclusion not necessarily true. I do however like a good debate and can be convinced otherwise.

  • Like 2
eyemblacksheep
Posted

I don't particularly see Dominants or submissives as switches unless that's how they identify so to speak.  I think it is quite text book with negotiations and in the illusion of giving up control; but I don't feel it's switching to discuss things that would make you both happy.

 

3SumQueen
Posted

There's nowhere near enough research done of female genitalia to determine anything about squirting.

As for the psychology involved during sex, and BDSM, everyone is different but similar in that certain people will feel certain things that others do but not everyone will. So you can generalise to a degree but that opinion will not cover 100% of everyone or everything.

People are complex but predictable at the same time.


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