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BakingTactics

Need Advice: Asexual dating someone kinky

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BakingTactics
Posted (edited)

Hi, I recently started dating someone who is really kinky. This isn't a surprise, he was open with it from the beginning and I have no problems with it. However, I joined this site so that I could get advice and insight. From the beginning, I wanted to make sure he felt totally comfortable talking to me about these things and like he was never judged. I myself have very little experience and am actually border-lining on asexual. We took a bdsm test together on which I turned out to be %96 vanilla in comparison to his 53%. I really want this relationship to work, we have so much fun together and I never want something that is a part of who he is to come between us. 

As someone who isn't really interested in sex, let alone kinky sex, I'm trying to be understand and be comfortable with all of this. In our relationship it seemed very important to him to define who was dom and who was sub, (I'm dom/switch and he's completely switch but acting as sub,) not just when it comes to the bedroom but also in everyday life, but I can't quite fill either of those roles the way I know he wants me to and he's seemed to hang just about everything on these roles, (like when we're trying to decide what to do for a date he essentially says "Well you're dom so you pick") but it's putting a bit of a strain on me always feeling like I need to fill this role when I'd rather just have both us be us and let that sort of thing happen naturally. 

Any advice or insight is so welcome and thank you so much for reading. 

Edited by BakingTactics
Posted

i am sure people will give better advice them me but my two cents

if you are getting nothing from being a dom i don't think it is going to work ultimately it is just going to feel like a burden. 

having said that it may be the case that you do want to explore it but clearly not 24/7 which is a big ask for anybody if that is the case you need to communicate that and set more realistic expectations figure out what if anything and to my mind it does not have to be physically domination you would like to try but it needs to be something you can get exited about too 

  • Like 1
Posted

in terms of physical it could be something as simple as telling him what you want him to do ie kiss me hear touch me there and so on

Nicholas776
Posted
Hi
3SumQueen
Posted

I think you do just need to make all the choices if that's what he wants. This can be hard in the beginning, i think once you get to know each other more it will get easier over that time. I enjoy this type of relationship although when you need support sometimes that can be lacking as your partner is used to you taking control of everything.

MissTillysue
Posted

If he wants you to make all the decisions you could try asking him for several suggestions from which you can make the final choice. This may make life a little easier for you


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