Introducing kink after many years together

[Vinile]

Hello,

 

Does ayone have experience of starting a D/s dynamics after many years together?

How did you deal with the change in roles, did it stay confined to the games or did you eventually changed the whole approach towards one another?

 

 

[Gingerluv]

We're in the process. Slowly slowly

[Deleted Member]

My husband and I got into the BDSM scene a couple of years ago. Although our dynamic hasn't changed greatly between us we are both experimenting with different things with different play partners. The most important thing I'd say is honest communication about everything. 

[ey****]

my wife and I have been together nearly 10 years and been into kink for 5 of those.

So - our relationship had been going for 5 years before we even really dabbled - but - we both already had interests we hadn't really broached with each other.  We started going to munches and events. Doing things to enrich our knowledge.

Reading. Lots of reading.  And when we started - a lot of trial and error.

I don't think things have changed too much - but because this involves a LOT of communication it's helped us be more open with each other and not bottle feelings.

This has also ended up leading us both to other play partners also - kinda filling in gaps where each other can't provide for each other

[Vinile]

I agree, communication is important, but so it is in all aspects of life, not just bdsm.

 

I'm mainly curious to see whether our roles will gradually change when not doing anything kinky. I don't think so, but I have no way to tell.

 

[ey****]

your communication in general should improve

but otherwise - I don't think our life has particularly changed, but then, any changes have been slow so it'd be difficult to tell.

[ElleFire]

I'm in something of the same situation, but haven't yet shared the extent of my desires for a shift in our relationship with my husband. I'm learning that I'm a switch and am just not sure how our dynamic of a 17 year mostly vanilla relationship can handle that. I know communication is key, but I'm not even sure yet what to say.

[Subdomstew]

Hello honesty n openness is virtual try starting out as always them slowly switch rules explain you'd like take dom. Role once ask husband if he feel comfortable in your control as u do his. Work up slowly to gain ultimate control or giving his very orgasmic lol enjoy

 

[Deleted Member]

In the same boat here! It's a strange and confusing time at the moment but all I have seen change is my attraction to him being stronger and our openess and communication being better. 

I feel like a flustered ***ager again when I am away from him and get excited so easily because of him so in essence.. I think our relationship involving bdsm has saved us and reminded us why we work! 

I hope I continue to feel this way because I havent felt more satisfied ever in my life so far! 

[Vinile]

On 10/20/2018 at 4:56 PM, ElleFire said:

I'm in something of the same situation, but haven't yet shared the extent of my desires for a shift in our relationship with my husband. I'm learning that I'm a switch and am just not sure how our dynamic of a 17 year mostly vanilla relationship can handle that. I know communication is key, but I'm not even sure yet what to say.

I guess that you'd have to bring it up bit by bit, as opposed to fully unload it at once.

We started talking more or less openly about bdsm about 1yr ago. At first it was this weird thing that couldn't be named, now it's daily terminology for us. 

Our progress in mutual exploration suffered a bit of a dip after that first session, only to come back stronger in these last few days. 

I'm still amazed how much I don't know about the woman I have been sharing my life with for a decade. And she is discovering herself too. She used to be all against ***, even when I thought she might have enjoyed being a bit on the submissive side, I was sure, 100% adamant that she would have never ever enjoyed ***. 

Yesterday, first marks of the flogger on her cheeks, and I was amazed how much she could take! Obviously some things are easier to introduce and talk about than others. I still have problems in accepting her doing humiliating tasks, even if it looks like she might enjoy them. ***, under a lot of aspects, is so much more extreme than ***