Frustrated

[Deleted Member]

More times than not I find myself in a situation where I am horny and ready to do some really kinky things and I can't find a woman who is willing to join me. I am not into guys at all. If I was then I would not be having trouble finding someone to join me. I can picture it all in my mind and fantasize how I would like things to go ,but I just don't now how to find women who would be interested in the type of things I am into .I am not into anything anyone on here would consider out of the ordinary so I know they are out there .I have even run into some who I was sure were into what I like and I couldn't seem to get them interested in me and I didn't know how to ask them without seeming weird .I am not bad looking or do I act like a weirdo ,(at least not in my opinion but what do I know). I also understand that women get bombarded by horny guys sometimes constantly and most of them seem turned off by a simple question about anything that has to do with sex .

I have had sex many times with a lot of different women and I have learned that you can expect the unexpected with most new partners . You can't judge a book by it's cover based on what society might teach us about sex. Super hot girls are not always the best at really good sex but there are some really talented hot girls. I know looks are no guarantee when it comes to sex . Some girls who are not beauty queens in the eyes of most or those women who might be a little over weight according to some have usually been the ones I have enjoyed the most kinky great sex that I still think about today .I can also recall a few horror stories. This doesn't apply with all girls as a rule ,but I have seen it play out this way a bunch of times in my experience. I have been disappointed a few times and of course I have been a disappointment to some women . We don't fit with everyone. I have also found some girls who did some really kinky stuff with me (at least according to society and it's vanilla ways )and even though we both enjoyed it a lot ,they were too embarrassed to talk to me later and were not willing to do it again because they felt like they were a slut or that I thought less of them because of what they did .I can't say I didn't feel bad or that I thought I might have done something wrong. I can just say this, guys don't think of women as sluts when they are into kinky sex . Of course some guys might call them sluts at times ,but that is only because they are not having sex with them and they are with someone else . They are jealous .Guys think of “sluts” in a different way than girls do . We love them .Guys are the biggest sluts in every way but we never get called sluts .It is crazy .I know I didn't *** anything upon anyone and they were probably suffering from the guilt society places on our minds . I hate people who judge others for being into kinky sex especially if they only heard of it from someone who should have kept their mouth shut about it and it wasn't any of their business in the first place. Everyone is into some kinky shit .Some people just won't admit it . These are the most judgmental it seems.

I don't believe in judging people for having the kind of sex they like even if I don't like it . As long as it isn't illegal and they make an attempt to keep it private and don't *** me to have to look at it then I think they should be allowed to enjoy whatever they like with anyone who likes it .Although I don't like men or women who make their whole image about sex and being a sex slut or a dom 24 /7 or in everyday situations in life . I think sex should be kept somewhat private even in a group when it comes to every day life .It seems trashy when you put your sex life on display and you try to make people believe it is all you are about and you make everyone look at it , but that is my opinion .I don't care if some people know what I do in private I just don't want the whole world to know my kinky business.

Still I know what I like,I have been lucky enough to find the person in the right situation at times and it was great until things changed but it isn't always easy to find the right person over and over. I know people will say go to munches and things like that but those are great for women I can imagine . Guys out number women thousands to one when it comes to who wants to have sex .I suppose women want sex too but it seems they want to find it in a different way. Guys are usually cut and dry when it comes to what we want . Yes doesn't mean no and we find little pleasure in having to second guess the true meaning or to beat around the bush unless we get to do it with our dick. On top of all of this mind fucking frustration and worry about being seen as a sexual pervert or a sexual harassing low life, were are driven by the never ending urge to scratch an itch caused by the need to release the sexual energy that constantly builds within us . When the mood hits me I would do almost anything a woman would ask me to if only I could find a woman to ask me. Most of the time I can't and I end up doing my thing alone . I waste so much sexual energy and desire that could have been used to make someone else feel good along with myself .

I have a girlfriend who I have been living with for 9 years and we get along fine but I don't always feel comfortable doing the things I like with her . I don't feel like we have that kind of dynamic and I am not sure I want it that way with her .I feel more comfortable with someone who is about the sex and not being my girlfriend . She has messed around with other guys and I overlooked it and we have still have sex and I like being with her .I don't think she wants to do some of the stuff I want to in fact I am sure of it. I don't want to leave her and I won't. I just want to do things I like with someone I can trust and feel comfortable with. I don't want to marry them and it isn't a problem with my girlfriend as long as it isn't all the time and it won't be .

I guess the problem I have been facing is just how to find other people to participate in the things I like .Sure there are sites like these but I am only just one more horny guy out of 50 or a hundred thousand who are hoping to get lucky with one or two of the few thousand girls on these sites of who maybe half are real or are only women who happen upon this site and fill out a profile and never login again . Some send spanks or visit your profile but they lose interest quickly . More than likely they find what they need in less than 60 seconds and that is that .Also they all seem to be in Europe . I know they are out there . It would just be nice if for one day women would bombard the guys for sex they way we do them . But I know it won't happen .I wish things were not always so complicated .

[RosesHaveThorns75]

Your right Guys ARE the biggest Sluts & Bitches & Man-witches and I do and will call them that often enough when its true.....and yes what others think esp male partners is a huge inhibition to femme self-expression(s) Where as guys as just always "forgiven" any Sin But femmes actually feel damned/judged/shamed for real......

[Deleted Member]

wow long post I made it though finished to the end 😉😉 So what is it your actually asking for ? To me you have an itch that needs itching think possibly your on the wrong site try placing an add see what happens and build a connection even with play partners you need a connection , respect and trust maybe that’s why these girls haven’t hung around I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[ey****]

there's a whole lot on here and I could be here too long trying to reply to every point, but

(1) being kinky does not entitle you to kink

(2) have you even tried talking to your girlfriend about your interests?!

(3) you make assumptions on munches without even going - btw, they're not pick up events anyway, please don't waste everyone's time going to one

(4) if you want kinky fun on your time on your terms, as and when you want - just pay a pro.

[Deleted Member]

Oh okay I guess only you and a few others are entitled then ? I can say I notice this attitude a lot on sites like this. You do look like you know everything in your picture  . Of course I have talked to my girlfriend  . She isn't in to some of the stuff I like .And you have made the assumption that I never go to munches. I go to them and their are entitled people just like you spouting the rules and cock blocking in a way to make some feel like they did something wrong trying to run things  . Forgive me for thinking that munches advertised on an S&M site had anything to do with meeting new people to have sex with .Perhaps only you know what we are supposed to do at these functions  or what we are on this site for . I think I am going to leave this up for a little while and then delete my account . I was a fool to think this was anything other than what it is and I have no clue what that is according to some ........Also I don't pay women for sex . I don't enjoy women who are having sex for that reason .It isn't what I need or enjoy  . Oh damn ,I am sorry about the words again .........and Of course I want sex on my terms . Who doesn't? I don't want some guy sticking his dick in my ass after a woman tied me up and leaves me alone for a while unable to stop it all because I did tell her what was allowed and what wasn't.  You act like I don't listen to the other persons needs when we have sex . I guess you are too smart for me. I am not used to people who know every damn thing . Its hard to meet like minded people if you are a guy . I didn't say I never meet them .I was only a fool to think these sites had anything to offer .Oh and I didn't expect you to pass judgement on every little thing I said  I wasn't expecting an answer so much as I was hoping someone could relate but maybe it is your job to do this . I was wrong for posting and I do regret it now . I should have known this .

[ey****]

OK. I'm going to keep this polite. Nobody is entitled. There is no automatic entitlement. My own circumstance. I have been fortunate, but, very little of what I've done has been chance encounter. I've been going to munches and fetish events for about 5 years and this has led me to make a lot of friends and in some cases the friendship has turned into play or somewhat of a relationship. Frankly. With your attitude it's not surprising you don't get anywhere. The only person doing any cockblocking is yourself - because ultimately, it's the women you are trying to impress that are saying no. Munches are about a lot of things. But, they're socials. They're not for everyone. If you go with a view expecting to get your dick wet, you're going to leave disappointed. If you go with a view of making friend, connections, things that might lead to something or at least boost your knowledge - then you may benefit. It's not munches that are wrong, it's your attitude and approach to them. Ultimately. Look. Nobody OWES you anything. It is hard to meet people, I agree completely - but you make it harder if you come across like your presence or attendance entitles you to something. I wish I did know it all - haha - it'd make my life easier. But, there's stuff I share which comes from mistakes I've made - but, ultimately - some of the good experiences I've had suggests I must be doing something right somewhere. I dunno. Even if I could always do better....

[Deleted Member]

This post (or essay as it seems to be) seems all over the place with an almost ‘woe is me attitude’. You also say yourself that you have found things are fine with a scenario and then the situation changes. Have you reflected on why these relationships changed and what was appealing no longer does? 

Now consider me, I’m a crossdresser, primarily looking for women on this site; difficult to impossible you would think; but no I have managed to converse with individuals from here that I have either had play with or arranged play with in the future, as well as making some good kink friends

[Deleted Member]

you mentioned sex 28 times on your post.....maybe you should go on tinder etc....

[ey****]

kind of a shame the OP has deleted their account.  I just feel this trend keeps happening of people spitting their dummy out when they don't get what they want and blaming others... :/ 

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

kind of a shame the OP has deleted their account.  I just feel this trend keeps happening of people spitting their dummy out when they don't get what they want and blaming others... :/ 

I blame you lol you such a black sheep :) ahah hang on its your username too

[ey****]

haha - sometimes, I half think... if *I* can do it, there's hope for anyone ;) 

At the risk of going two leftfield - I've just come out of a relationship which has been heartbreaking - but, the last couple of weeks have reminded me of just how many friends I've made over the years.

[michaelc]

Munches sound interesting but for a single guy like this who just wants to indulge his fetish might I suggest another path?

[ey****]

2 minutes ago, michaelc said:

Munches sound interesting but for a single guy like this who just wants to indulge his fetish might I suggest another path?

in this case - his path is to simply give up as his attitude is entitled and wrong.  To go away have an actual think about things and how he is coming across and return when he's less expectant.

But, for any other single guy there are choices.

If you want instant/quick kink - don't bother.  Whatever path you choose whether it's by being known in your local scene, by getting to know people via internet or dating sites or meeting a partner via other means and introducing them to kink - this is going to take time, it's going to take patience and I'd be wary on quick results anyway.

If, simply, you want kink quickly and on your terms then dip your hands into your pocket and pay a professional, but even then - you still need to learn the basic groundwork on how to contact someone without being expectant or entitled.

[Deleted Member]

Wow I don't see the problem with anything the deleted member said said or does it seem like he had an attitude.. I am confused as to what in the hell you people think this site is about . He mentioned sex  28 times did he ? I am shocked because everything on this site is about sex . The fact that anyone would pretend that this site is about anything else is almost a joke? Why are you being so judgemental when all this person wanted was some advice. I for one tend to agree with what he said almost 100 percent . There are so many fake people who prey on other people who let their guard down and try to trust some one just a little . I think he was being a bit sarcastic in his second post . As far as I can tell you are the most self righteous couple of jerks who have made me want to never post anything on this site . emablackshep you are a dip shit who gives crap advice and thinks highly of himself  as most fools and people with no friends tend to do . No doubt you had a ***ful relationship . Who would stay with a person like you ? You probably have trouble keeping a dog around .People like you make the internet a hateful place .Already I am leery of this site .

[Wo****]

While I appreciate the feelings of the OP I still think eyemblacksheep made valid points.

 

Yes, this site is about sex, of course it is, but it's also about information, making friends, communicating with like minded people. It's not a dating site!

We will all have different opinions, expressing them and discussing them is a good thing, but personally I think if you resort to insults you lose a lot of credibility.

 

[RosesHaveThorns75]

Yeah stuff goes wrong for peeps But if they resort to slateing the peeps who actually try to give a shit and send them replys then where are they going in life?!? Not far then I'd guess?!?

 

[Jaim-e13]

I agree on several points with the OP, not so with others or with the ways of expressing it.

I agree that there is a quite large disproportion of men and women in this type of places, in general, that which has to do with sex tends to have more male than female components because it is always socially better accepted.

I also agree that this is a place to relate around a world that is sexual, I don't think anyone here should be surprised that the end after all is to get to have relationships. Some will prefer a way of friendship first and then play together, others will simply seek the direct way. I don't see anything wrong with both paths, except for one thing.

I prefer the way of friendship first and then if there is a connection to play together. But for that to happen you must also give the conditions to meet people both online and in munches. Sometimes, it seems that if you want to follow the path of making friends it is practically impossible to know anyone, and that is because those who try to use the direct way are often rude and annoying, so women tend to ignore everyone equally. The fault is not theirs, is who treats a submissive as HIS submissive in the first message he sends, without even having asked him how it has gone today (when in her profile for example she says that what she values most is respect and not to send a message with direct things). In the end, the whole community resents the comments indirectly, because you will have to wait for them to be the ones who want to know you, since they are saturated with messages many times, and of course, it is difficult that in the end, as you say being 1 out of 50 thousand, you end up receiving a message.

These were the general points I wanted to deal with, but it is also true as you have been told above, that you have mentioned that you have had good relations and then things have changed. I think it would also be nice to ask the reason for those changes.

 In any case I think we should all be patient and try to build a better community (I learned this recently), always trying to give the newcomer a chance to see if it suits what everyone wants.

Greetings.

[SUBirish-4349]

Does it seem that the OP just gets horny (like the rest of us do) and then wants to have kinky sex (like the rest of us want to), whereas others on here are more interested in the wider idea of the fetish world as well, whereas he doesn't seem to be - as in, the OP will have his kinky sex, which he feels that any woman on here ought to be open to, and shall then park the kink until such time as he gets the itch again. Is that why some people are reacting negatively?

[ey****]

9 hours ago, SubIrish said:

the OP will have his kinky sex, which he feels that any woman on here ought to be open to, and shall then park the kink until such time as he gets the itch again. Is that why some people are reacting negatively?

people got a little frustrated with him not because interests differ but that he was (a) entitled (b) making assumptions and judgement on things he's never been part of (c) spitting his dummy out because he didn't get his own way.

his expectation : I will say I am into kinky sex, somebody will give me kinky sex 

reality : wrong

and he was angry his version of reality was wrong.  if anything, while some (myself included) might appear to be negative - accepting that nobody owes you kink is one of the first steps to at least avoiding getting frustrated things don't fall on your lap

[Deleted Member]

On 8/15/2019 at 1:18 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

people got a little frustrated with him not because interests differ but that he was (a) entitled (b) making assumptions and judgement on things he's never been part of (c) spitting his dummy out because he didn't get his own way.

his expectation : I will say I am into kinky sex, somebody will give me kinky sex 

reality : wrong

and he was angry his version of reality was wrong.  if anything, while some (myself included) might appear to be negative - accepting that nobody owes you kink is one of the first steps to at least avoiding getting frustrated things don't fall on your lap

You are very irritating and I don't like your advice .I don't see where the person was acting entitled and in fact what was said is true .These sites tend to make it seem like there might be a chance to meet people but in reality it is difficult and will probably not happen for a guy in America.. You are an egotistical jerk who gets off on putting others down . Who made you the one to shoot other people down for expressing their feelings ? If you don't have anything good to say then keep it to yourself . Or are you paid to piss people off ?

 

[Deleted Member]

Excuse me, if you want to meet other men then this is the site  I just want to say women are the ones who are difficult to meet. They almost seem like bots on here.

[Deleted Member]

On 8/15/2019 at 1:18 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

people got a little frustrated with him not because interests differ but that he was (a) entitled (b) making assumptions and judgement on things he's never been part of (c) spitting his dummy out because he didn't get his own way.

his expectation : I will say I am into kinky sex, somebody will give me kinky sex 

reality : wrong

and he was angry his version of reality was wrong.  if anything, while some (myself included) might appear to be negative - accepting that nobody owes you kink is one of the first steps to at least avoiding getting frustrated things don't fall on your lap

You probably never meet women either you just like to act like you are some awesome whatever the hell you think you are . I think you are an asshole .

[Wo****]

I'm not a bot

[Wo****]

1 minute ago, MrMarkMark said:

You probably never meet women either you just like to act like you are some awesome whatever the hell you think you are . I think you are an asshole .

That reminds me of a saying

[Vandalslut]

1 hour ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

That reminds me of a saying 

Yeah. Me too.