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How to be a better sub


Alice0542

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Posted

I need help I have a boyfriend who has a dominant personality in life and in bed, but he is a lot older than me and way more experienced sexually, in a way that makes me feel like nothing we do together will be new to him... He wants to try new things and want me to surprise him, but I can’t thing of anything that would surprise an experienced dom... Can someone help me?

Posted
Hi Alice my best advice is just be yourself and do what hasks as he is the the Dom. Its not for you to suggest its him to tell you. I have been and would like to have had you for a girlfriend iif your new to the scene. Does he allow you on here alone?
Posted

if you're inexperienced this sounds like he's putting pressure on you.  I think we all (sub/Dom/sexuality/etc) like surprises but it's the surprises we like.  communication is definitely key

Posted
Hi, a surprise doesn't always need to be something new... You can wake him up by sucking his cock once or with sex.. If you want ideas my advice is read erotica. But he is the Dom and he should tell you what he wants. Let instincts take over too... I had great sex with my first partner when non of us were experienced because we gave in to what felt right. I hope this helps x good luck 😊
FaisMoiPleurer
Posted
Hi Alice, agree with the comment here- it’s not about giving him something new, but rather giving him something unexpected. While he is your Dom, you might still be allowed your own interpretation of his instructions? I have a long distance relationship with my Master, & on one of the occasions when I was instructed to hit myself and redden my skin, I sent him a video so that he could watch me carrying out my instructions. On another occasion, I wrote a message on my skin for him, which he found when he instructed me to undress. I imagine those things weren’t new for my Master, but the point was that he wasn’t expecting them from me at that point because they hadn’t been part of his instructions. Although the “surprise me” request can feel a little pressurising, it may also be that your Dom is inviting you to be an active part of your own submission? You’ll probably have lots of your own ideas if you can relax into it. Have fun! 😏
Posted
Hard question my owner and her friends always managed to think of a ways in which to inflict *** on me so it shouldn't be down to you to come up with ideas he should tell you what he wants of you x
Posted

Hi Alice

First, don't forget that each relationship and each D/s dynamic is different and unique – there are no 'he should/you shoulds' outside of what the 2 of you agree is your 'thing'. Everything the 2 of you do will be new to him purely because you are. It's easy to get hung up on the mechanics of what we all do but it's the combined nuances our different personalities coming together that lead to them being exciting and satisfying. The fact that he's asked you to surprise him would suggest he likes the idea of a dynamic with you in which you can express your personality to cook up those nuances.

 

I think FaisMoiPleurer hit it on the head with the idea of 'unexpected' being a surprise, not just 'new'. As an example, last week my Sub and I were apart (we often are due to distance) but we'd messaged a lot and I'd said something about how I'd love to hear her say something in particular (it was very rude and degrading so I won't mention it here!). It was in no way an instruction but later that evening, when I knew she was in the midst of a family get together, I received an audio file of her saying exactly what I'd mentioned. It was completely unexpected - she'd performed all her other tasks and I wanted her to just enjoy her family time, yet she'd excused herself and gone off to make it.

 

The fact that she'd taken time out from 'non-sub' time to make me that little gift, just to give me something extra to enjoy, meant the world and was so incredibly erotic. Rather than just please me by doing what she's told (which is the dutiful obedience of a submissive that I enjoy) she'd decided to use her creativity and playfulness (two other qualities that I deeply value in her too) to take elements of our D/s relationship and make something unexpected, surprising and deeply pleasing..

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