Bedroom bondage and feeling overwhelmed with what to do

[Pacman1965]

HI!

We are a couple that has been together a long time, but the world of bondage is very new to us. We only started into this about 4-5 months ago. I don't want to get any ideas from pornography or attending a bondage club, so I am hoping to create a bit of a discussion in here, where other couples can share how they have introduced bondage in the bedroom. I don't need to know explicit details, but just something where I can at least join the dots and maybe see what will work for us. Does that make sense?

Before we started any bondage, I started getting the hint that she was keen for a bit more adventure and after reading a psychology today article on bondage, it seemed to connect with what she seemed to be hinting at. At first she was rather hesitant and quickly downplayed any idea of tying her up and especially gagging her. I immediately second guessed myself and thought I may have gotten things wrong and misread her. However, as I was about to back right off, she all of a sudden wanted to give it a go (in the heat of the moment I guess) and it turns out that she really is into it. I have spoken to her about it a few times to make sure and she has mentioned that she likes being bound and gagged as this scenario really causes her to let go and totally relax and let go. The blindfold has her senses heightened and the gag is something that ***s her to keep quiet and even bite down on when the pleasure sends her through the roof.

We are quite similar and are only into I guess what I would call light bondage. Just tying up with a blindfold and a gag. I am the dominant one in the bedroom (at her request), so it is only ever her being tied up (which I am more than happy with). There is no trust issues with our relationship and I am not going to leave her unattended. Basically the bondage for us is tying her up, blindfolding her and gagging her with me playing, teasing and pleasuring her.

It is rather overwhelming at the moment and it would be great to hear how other couples instigate a bondage session, what they typically do and how long they go for. We only seem to manage about 20 minutes so far, because she gets so turned on and orgasms very quickly. It would be great to make it longer and do more stuff.

With gags, we mainly use a silicone ball gag with the silicone tubes on the side, so they don't hurt her mouth. Initially her jaw hurt a little, but the last couple of times she didn't say there was any problem. I want to introduce a cloth gag, so I will give this a try and see how it goes. The goal of the gag is for it to look sexy (damsel in distress), but for it to do a reasonable job at muffling sound (moaning through a gag is sexy as anything). Any tips here with regards to gags?

There are various sites where clothed women are shown tied and gagged and this has been some inspiration, but I wonder if this has caused me to make bondage to be bigger than what it is? I just want to have fun with it and pleasure her with it. Just some "naughty" fun. At the moment I feel rather overwhelmed...

Any thoughts, comments and advice would be tremendously appreciated. Thanks in advance!

[Deleted Member]

When I gag my submissive I use pantyhose. I ball up one of the legs, placing it in her mouth. I then pull the brief over her head and face with the gusset over her nose and mouth. I then use the 2nd leg as a blindfold, tie it around her mouth, or leave it free to use elsewhere, when & how I want.

[BigPolly]

A horse gag/bite gag is a good gag that stops the jaw aching as it’s a different & more comfortable shape. If you put her through orgasm denial/edging, so you don’t actually allow her to cum then you will have more control over how long the sessions last.

[Deleted Member]

For bondage, I tend to use ruined pantyhose (generally her ruined pairs) as they become a taunting means of bondage.  I will tend to denounce her inability to successfully wear a pair of pantyhose and that all they are good for now is for tying and binding and that she is now at the mercy of the ruined pairs of pantyhose.  The bondage is secondary.  I tend to gag and mask with the hose first.  The reduced vision and ability to talk heightens the pleasurable uncertainty of being bound by the ruined pantyhose.  I inspect the failures of the pantyhose and describe them with intensity and displeasure,  in my voice, as I bind her hands with separately with each pair.  Next her legs are separated and bound to the corners.  This in of itself heightens her senses as they become subdued by the very item that she damaged or destroyed.  I ensure that the balled up pantyhose material gag can be removed quickly if she becomes upset or panicked.  Otherwise, she remains in bound in the pantyhose and a *** and education session commences.

[Pacman1965]

I'm quite captivated with the damsel in distress style of bondage, so a ball gag or a decent cleave gag is what turns my crank (as well as hers).

For us, the bondage thing is about her pleasure and enjoyment. I get the enjoyment from tying her up with a gag and blindfold, as well surprising her with some ramming action.    

We started out with tying her spread eagle on the bed and then gave a simple frog tie a go also. Recently we bought some padded handcuffs and these are fantastic. It means that you can move her around, roll her over, lead her to another room... The list is endless I guess. It is all new to us. It would be fun to have her cuffed, blindfolded and gagged on the bed and then roll her over with knees on the floor and then come at her from behind, but I am not sure if this would be comfortable or not. I never want to hurt her, so I tend to get a bit anxious about trying something new. Another thing that has crossed my mind would be to move her to an armchair in another room (walk her while she is still cuffed, gagged and blindfolded).

I don't know... Do other couples have any ideas or thoughts along this sort of level?    

[Ra****]

It seems like you are very anxious about all of this. I also get that you seriously enjoy your play sessions. What I would say is research. There are YouTube videos of bondage as well. If you wanted to evolve to rope. If not it's fine too. What I think is the most important thing is for you to relax and enjoy. Dont try to be perfect. It's awesome that you dont want to hurt her if she is not into it but dont overstress about it ever happening either.. Regarding it being a small session like BigPolly said either play with her without letting her cum for a while or continue to play even after she does... make her take more... you're in control. Maybe you could take her to places neither of you know about... if you have any fantasies like taking her to another room while she is blindfolded and gagged , talk to her. If there is one thing that is true for any kink no matter how light or heavy is communication is key. Always. Talk with her.. go slow if you're unsure.. let go of the stress. It's supposed to be fun x

[Pacman1965]

1 hour ago, RavenSass said:

It seems like you are very anxious about all of this. I also get that you seriously enjoy your play sessions. What I would say is research. There are YouTube videos of bondage as well. If you wanted to evolve to rope. If not it's fine too. What I think is the most important thing is for you to relax and enjoy. Dont try to be perfect. It's awesome that you dont want to hurt her if she is not into it but dont overstress about it ever happening either.. Regarding it being a small session like BigPolly said either play with her without letting her cum for a while or continue to play even after she does... make her take more... you're in control. Maybe you could take her to places neither of you know about... if you have any fantasies like taking her to another room while she is blindfolded and gagged , talk to her. If there is one thing that is true for any kink no matter how light or heavy is communication is key. Always. Talk with her.. go slow if you're unsure.. let go of the stress. It's supposed to be fun x

Ha, ha... Yeah, I am a bit... We don't have any trust issues or anything, but I think I just maybe build it up too much in my mind? I have seen a bunch of pictures of the clothed type damsel in distress bondage and I think that is the way I plan to head. Exception is that I plan to use toys on her and make it totally sexual.

Are you saying to just work it out as we go along? Don't really plan anything and then see what happens?

[Pacman1965]

I am curious on how people typically plan out an evening of bondage? Do couples have set times of the month / week? Is there a naughty text message sent to get the ball rolling?

Sometimes it feels a bit awkward for us. A bit scripted maybe. For example, on a night we decide to do bondage, I will just unlock the toy box and get the restraints out. I usually snuggle in behind her and then handcuff her, followed by the blindfold and then I gag her. Sometimes it seems a bit like going from a - b - c. Is there a way to finesse this up a bit more and make it more erotic?

Thanks!

[Pacman1965]

1 hour ago, RavenSass said:

What I would say is research. There are YouTube videos of bondage as well. If you wanted to evolve to rope. If not it's fine too.

We don't really want to get into rope. At this stage, we really like the padded handcuffs, silk ties kind of deal. I have tried researching, but I cannot seem to find answers to the questions I have.

[Pacman1965]

Sorry... My mind is racing on this. I had some more questions;

1. What are some really good positions (simple and not too hard on the body with regards to flexibility)?

2. Would having her hands cuffed behind her, with a blindfold and ball gag, laying face down on the bed with her legs hanging down and knees on floor (kind of like doggie) and then me coming at her from behind with myself and toys work? This might sound like a dumb question, but I wonder if arms tied behind would hurt?

3. We have an armchair that we tried once with bondage. It was great and I wondered if anyone had tips that worked well for them with armchairs?

4. We haven't done edging before (yep, we were totally vanilla). Any tips here?

If anyone has links to articles, that would be fantastic too. Thanks!

[Deleted Member]

1. For arms behind back...yes laying on tummy is a comfortable position if she is able to support herself by kneeling on floor and bent over edge of bed.  Laying on her back wihile handcuffed will be okay if cuffs double lock so that her laying on them and squirming with erotic delight doesn't cause the cuffs to lock tighter.  Laying on her side while handcuffed should be comfortable for her plus she is exposed from the front and behind equally.  The matter of comfort is totally her call based on her fitness and dexterity.  She has to give you prompts if a position is working or not for her.  None of us can say with a definite that a particular position will be good or not.

2. Laying on her side provides you the opportunity to play with her both in front and from behind. 

3. An armchair with long arms may allow for her arms to be bound to the arm rests, then her legs spread and positioned over her arms.  This position would open her to digital and toy play.  There is also a leather harness that goes behind the neck of the wearer and has two straps with buckles.  You buckle each strap to her thighs.  With the strap around her neck it causes her legs to be drawn up to her chest and she can spread her legs wide or you can spread them for her.  The position allows for extended exposure play with and in her while taking the pressure and stress off of her to keep her legs pulled up and spread.  My submissive and I use this alot as she stays in an open and *** position for my pleasure and to edge her without becoming tired. 

4. Edging is a relatively new play time for us.  Vaginal masturbation, use of mini vibes, and clit spanking are all edging techniques that we engage in.  Using a remote vibe I will slip the vibe down into her pantyhose and against her clit.  I will randomly remote operate the vibrator while I enjoy her pantyhose.  As she begins to tense, flexes her legs, or tightens her toes, or moans.  I turn off the vibe and wait for her body to relax.  I will then paddle or spank her through the pantyhose creating a distinctly different sensaiton.  She tends to beg for the vibe to be turned back on.  She is told as long as she begs the vibe will remain quiet.  When she quiets down I will begin caressing her legs and taunting her by telling her I am going to entertain myself for a bit and she can wait.  If she doesn't beg or plead to begin, I will start the vibe again.  I will take her back to the edge of an orgasm and shut her down again.  We may do this 4 to 6 times before I allow her to orgasm.  If all went well she will remark "that ruined me".  as she heaves and breathes. 

[Ra****]

On 5/29/2019 at 3:01 AM, Pacman1965 said:

Ha, ha... Yeah, I am a bit... We don't have any trust issues or anything, but I think I just maybe build it up too much in my mind? I have seen a bunch of pictures of the clothed type damsel in distress bondage and I think that is the way I plan to head. Exception is that I plan to use toys on her and make it totally sexual.

Are you saying to just work it out as we go along? Don't really plan anything and then see what happens?

 

I would do that. For me it is never planned out. I usually prefer to go with the flow or it feels too rehearsed for me. It starts with kissing and when the mood is right it just happens. You can feel it building up in intensity. 

When you feel like playing a bit you could start of with sexting a bit with her ... teasing her with the promise of what is going to happen... but maybe try to go with the flow when playing is happening? 

Overthinking doesn't help anyone. You both feel good with what's happening that's all that matters in the end. 

With edging is just playing and when you feel like she is about to come you either stop or you decrease the intensity in a way that stops her from coming.

Regarding positions I find a lot of people are different. It depends on her flexibility and all. What I find in my personal experience is that we try and if I find it too discomfortable we change it to something else.. 

Remove the word failing from your dictionary and replaced it with experimenting. And with everything not all you try works for both of you :)

[Pacman1965]

Thanks for sharing...

We talked more about the whole bondage thing this week and it was good. I was able to share that I had some anxiety about forcing her into being tied up. She shared that she loves it and would like it done more. I have a real thing for gags and she is more than happy to be gagged.

We are going to try tying her up on the bed whilst watching movies and I start edging her. I plan to gag her as soon as I tie her up, but when the toys come out, that is when the blindfold goes on. We will see how that goes and then work out things as we go along.

I still really welcome hearing your stories though, so please feel free to keep sharing.

The following morning after some bondage the night before, she casually mentioned that her jaw hurt. I gagged her with a ballgag (a 4.75" I think), so I am wondering what other ballgag options there are? I see so many around and so many different colors. We have a black silicone type, with the silicon bars on the sides. Maybe I need to focus more on cloth gags?

Thanks.

[Ra****]

2 hours ago, Pacman1965 said:

The following morning after some bondage the night before, she casually mentioned that her jaw hurt. I gagged her with a ballgag (a 4.75" I think), so I am wondering what other ballgag options there are? I see so many around and so many different colors. We have a black silicone type, with the silicon bars on the sides. Maybe I need to focus more on cloth gags?

I dont know much about gags. I've never been gagged as speech restriction is one of my soft limits. There have been people that asked about this. Search on the forum for gags and you will find those. 

I'm glad you guys talked about it. Communication is key in kink even more so than a normal relationship. 

Dont pressure yourself too much. I'm glad you have some scenarios in mind but you dont have to always do the same things. 

I would recommend both of you to set your hard and soft limits before you go further... this will make sure you will always know what she likes and what she really doesn't want and what she might be okay to try but after some discussion...  

[Pacman1965]

16 hours ago, RavenSass said:

I dont know much about gags. I've never been gagged as speech restriction is one of my soft limits. There have been people that asked about this. Search on the forum for gags and you will find those. 

I'm glad you guys talked about it. Communication is key in kink even more so than a normal relationship. 

Dont pressure yourself too much. I'm glad you have some scenarios in mind but you dont have to always do the same things. 

I would recommend both of you to set your hard and soft limits before you go further... this will make sure you will always know what she likes and what she really doesn't want and what she might be okay to try but after some discussion...  

Thanks. It would be great to see what scenarios other couples do. We are totally new to this, so we really have no idea about much at all. We aren't into anything extreme and I think this is about as far as we will go.

With gags, I cannot seem to find anything other than an article. Are you able to link me some discussions?

[Ra****]

I will try to find them x 

 

What I was trying to say is maybe try to go with the flow... if not read erotica or watch porn for inspiration on positions to tie her up. Maybe talk with her. She might know a position she would like to be tied up ...

[Pacman1965]

I noticed that the last time we did bondage, I felt awkward and a bit embarrassed. Beats me why...

I think it happens when I go to gag her. She is loving every second, but I feel the need to put the blindfold on first and then I can feel more relaxed and less embarrassed. Does anyone else feel like this?

[Pacman1965]

On 6/3/2019 at 5:23 PM, RavenSass said:

I will try to find them x

What I was trying to say is maybe try to go with the flow... if not read erotica or watch porn for inspiration on positions to tie her up. Maybe talk with her. She might know a position she would like to be tied up ...

Did you have any success at finding those articles and posts on gags?

With the porn thing... I would prefer to avoid that route as tempting as it may be.

[BigPolly]

9 hours ago, Pacman1965 said:

I noticed that the last time we did bondage, I felt awkward and a bit embarrassed. Beats me why...

I think it happens when I go to gag her. She is loving every second, but I feel the need to put the blindfold on first and then I can feel more relaxed and less embarrassed. Does anyone else feel like this?

Ok how about approaching it differently. If you want to play, suddenly demand she stands facing the wall with her hands on her head, go up behind her & blindfold her then lead her to where you want her & tie her up 

[Pacman1965]

On 6/7/2019 at 8:20 PM, BigPolly said:

Ok how about approaching it differently. If you want to play, suddenly demand she stands facing the wall with her hands on her head, go up behind her & blindfold her then lead her to where you want her & tie her up 

Thanks! That sounds like a good idea. Maybe over time the awkwardness will subside as well?

Just curious... Is the use of gags not all that common?

[Pacman1965]

With regards to gags, do you guys have any recommendations? We tend to prefer the ball gag or the cleave type gag.

The ball gag that we currently have seems to hurt her jaw, so I am not sure if I want to use this much more. Are there alternatives with ball gags? Something softer and a little smaller? I do want it to be relatively effective at silencing her. Gags seem to be a huge turn on for me I just love hearing her muffled moans. She certainly likes being gagged as well and confirms it more and more.

With the awkwardness thing, I touched on this a bit in my previous post. I wondered if we can talk this through a bit more? As soon as I break out the handcuffs, I start to feel awkward. I push through it and the awkwardness is even more when I go to gag her. The awkwardness is a bit frustrating, because the tying up and gagging is some of the best stuff. I usually feel the need to blindfold her quickly and then the awkwardness goes away for the most part. Does anyone else experience this?

 

[Ra****]

Ask about gags on a new post as people dont see this one. I have been trying to find it. I'm sorry but I was sick last week and then forgot... just copy this and  make a new post xx

[BigPolly]

18 hours ago, Pacman1965 said:

Thanks! That sounds like a good idea. Maybe over time the awkwardness will subside as well?

Just curious... Is the use of gags not all that common?

My use of gags have depended on the Dom. For comfort I prefer a horse gag. Not all Dom’s have put a gag on me as they’ve wanted to make use of my mouth 

[Pacman1965]

13 hours ago, RavenSass said:

Ask about gags on a new post as people dont see this one. I have been trying to find it. I'm sorry but I was sick last week and then forgot... just copy this and  make a new post xx

Will do, thanks.

Edited June 11, 2019 by Pacman1965

[Pacman1965]

On 6/7/2019 at 8:20 PM, BigPolly said:

Ok how about approaching it differently. If you want to play, suddenly demand she stands facing the wall with her hands on her head, go up behind her & blindfold her then lead her to where you want her & tie her up 

I have this fantasy of tying her up on the bed and gagging her (with either a ball gag or cleave gag) and lying beside her and starting to tease her while we watch a bit of tv. Then after a while I would like to blindfold her and use some toys on her and away we would go...

The hurdle for me (not for her, because we talked about it) seems to be with her laying there tied up and with a gag. While this would be extremely erotic for me and her, I just feel all awkward and feel I need to blindfold her so I can relax and not feel awkward. So annoying!

It would be great to hear other couples share what they actually do, so I can get some pointers and then see what works for us.

Thanks!

Edited June 11, 2019 by Pacman1965