confused

[Deleted Member]

so when I type in fetish or fetish chat...bdsm etc into Google this site pops up ...the place to be etc etc however I feel I have to point out a few things I have messaged 40 or 59 people on here 1 has replied and actually was abusive because in my message I mentioned how I was at the point where I thought no one was real due to no replies .I log on every few days and have done for pretty much my entire time here yet people who have been on line or are on line have not even read my messages .......odd from the Internet most popular fetish site also the majority of people and by that I mean at least 60% who are located withing 30 to 40 miles of me have not logged in for at least 4 months .also every time I use the chat rooms they are talking about films ...pizza ...what was on TV....their pet dog ...never fetish or bdsm .......I don't for 1 second day expect any reasonable reply just insults and defensive replies about how I am wrong .I am not wrong ! ....people do not reply I know this because I have messaged 30 to 40 maybe even 50 people and had 1 reply ...not very friendly or welcoming at all ..my time here is done .complete waste of my time .

[Mz****]

Perhaps it the content of your messages that's putting people off if so many aren't responding?

As for the chatrooms there's three to choose from, only the Lobby is general chat, and only then when there isn't an ongoing topic, and of course contributing rather than lurking makes a big difference too..you can also open your own room setting the topic yourself, maybe that would suit your needs better.

[ey****]

Here's some thing you need to accept regardless of what you do next.

- no matter how popular a website is or how many users - nobody *owes* you a response

- the common denominator of all your failures is, ultimately, you.

- so always look at where you can improve.   Does your profile sell yourself? Are you contacting people simply too far away? If someone looks at your profile do they see "messages received today = 0, messages sent today = 20" and immediately think you've just mass-messaged anyone, which is a real turn off

- accept it's a long game; dating and meeting people is hard anyway.  But what can you learn and contribute along the way?

[BigPolly]

I agree with what the other 2 have said. Looking at your profile there’s nothing written on there that particularly says anything which is fine it’s your profile & what you put on there is up to you. There’s just a picture which shows your chest....again that doesn’t really sell you. I don’t know what your message content is so I can’t comment but someone has literally just messaged me saying ‘hi’ so I’ve ignored it as that to me isn’t a conversation starter. Just because people don’t reply that doesn’t mean they’re not real they may be looking for something specific. I’ve been on here nearly 2yrs now but I now don’t use this site as a dating tool but more as a social/community tool . But like you say maybe this site isn’t suited to you, doesn’t mean it’s not friendly it just isn’t matching with your needs. Maybe you would do better from attending social events such as munches or fet clubs 🌞

[Carnelian2]

If you don’t know what you want, then how can others give that to you?

I have been a member over a year and have not met “the one” here. That is fine as what I have done is

- made a few good friends I connect with on more than the type of rope best for bondage 

- read some really interesting things and learned quite a bit in the forums and discussions

- learned a lot more about who I am (I am aware that my profile may not be the most informative right now, but that is fine - I will get to it when the time is right)

- yes, I have had my fair share of fake profiles but I also find that the admin team is very very good at dealing with these. UNLIKE some other sites out there

[Deleted Member]

Maybe try varying the emails you send. Like a few pictures, comment on the ones you like. Get involved in the forums a bit. Your profile is confusing. I'm not sure even you are certain what you want so how can others possibly know if your right for them to meet. This site is friendly. I'm fairly new here. Most people I have spoken to are polite. Obviously there are a few that are not which happens on every site! Kink or not.

[3S****]

Google doesn't bring up the most popular site as top result, it brings up the most relevant according to how you use the internet.

Anyway, just coz you message someone you like the look of doesn't mean they will have any interest in responding. Venting to strangers on the internet is 'risky', they will either respond sympatheically or it gets their back up. I think most women tend to not sympathise with guys approaching their personal space (inbox) and may feel like they are being accused of being a fake by you also, of course they're not going to respond positiviely to you if that's the case.
If they genuinely ***d you then you can report that,or just block them.

Please do remember that women have their own idea of what they want on here, may be busy when you PM them, and do not exist to acknowledge you or your problems. Chill and don't come on here every day if it's making you unhappy and don't expect social people to be only about fetish...some of us are human and like to be treated as such.

 

[Deleted Member]

just to make everyone aware I contact people saying hi I'm new on here not had much response from anyone just wondered if you wany to chat .the location is of no importance as chats don't depend on distance however I only send messages to people who I am close to ie within 20 miles of where I live 

[Deleted Member]

OK so basically what people are saying goes is its my fault people on here choose to be ignorant .......if someone sends me a message I reply however no one else does .you have all made me.feel really welcome I say hi on messages explain  I'm new here ask if they would like to chat see if we have anything in common etc if we have smart interests. but apparently that "through wrong content " and the fact people are ignorant is "ultimately my fault".and on this site I shouldn't talk about bdsm and fetish as the people on here are "human " and don't just want to talk about that ......just talking at all would be nice ironic really that the only time any of you actually speak to me is to blame me for my messages being ignored and to blame me for the content of my messages and to point out that I should not talk to people about bdsm and fetish on here ..

[Deleted Member]

another point I feel I have to bring up ....isn't this site to help people realise who they are help them with their confusion etc if so why am I being criticised for being a bit confused. in short you are all saying we can't be bothered replying to any of your messages we don't want to help we don't want to advice or guide and it's all your fault ......sorry I bothered .........and thanx for nothing 

[ey****]

OK - so, something you have to realise.

"Hi, I'm new - do you want to chat"

Well, again, they don't owe you a conversation - and, well, chat about what? There's the chat room - the forum - you're effectively contacting strangers and asking them to entertain you and then complaining they're unfriendly when they don't entertain you.  

I'm trying to be helpful here rather than obstructive - so, possibly when contacting someone - already make conversation in your message - why did you pick THEM ?   What common ground can you already talk about?

If they are taking time out of their day to help you - what are they getting from this?!

This is very important to consider.  

Yes, the site is designed to help others - but effectively demanding people help you or complaining when they don't is entitlement.

[Mz****]

1 minute ago, Imaswitch said:

another point I feel I have to bring up ....isn't this site to help people realise who they are help them with their confusion etc if so why am I being criticised for being a bit confused. in short you are all saying we can't be bothered replying to any of your messages we don't want to help we don't want to advice or guide and it's all your fault ......sorry I bothered .........and thanx for nothing 

I've only received one message from you, and that was via Lobby chat..."wanna talk dirty" I said no, you kicked off ranting about it being a fetish site why was everyone talking about food, we tried to explain you kicked off and left..you reap what you sow.

 

[Deleted Member]

sorry would u like to talk about burgers and milk shakes ? is that better 

[Mz****]

22 minutes ago, Imaswitch said:

sorry would u like to talk about burgers and milk shakes ? is that better 

I'd prefer it to someone I've never met, in real life or online, interrupting a conversation I was having with a friend, with wanna talk dirty, and then not accepting a polite no, and ranting about what he thinks he's entitled to from a bunch of strangers. 

[Ra****]

I have been here for more than 9 months now and I can tell you that in the beginning I would reply to all my messages. Nowadays I dont. I'm sorry you dont have anyone to talk with but I'm done with wasting my time with people that dont even read my profile. Due to me knowing what I want and you not know what you want and being confused I would also not reply to that unless you convinced me you read my profile and you told me something that would make me realise you are writing to me for a reason. Copy and paste messages are ridiculous. If you are sending everyone the same message then it doesnt make sense. You dont apply to an engineer job and a doctors job with the same CV. Same goes in here. We are all different and if you are really interested in finding someone you should take the time to do tailor your messages to who you are writing to. This is only MY opinion and why I believe women might not be responding to you. Burgers are great. Milk shakes meh I dont like them.

[3S****]

2 hours ago, Imaswitch said:

another point I feel I have to bring up ....isn't this site to help people realise who they are help them with their confusion etc if so why am I being criticised for being a bit confused. in short you are all saying we can't be bothered replying to any of your messages we don't want to help we don't want to advice or guide and it's all your fault ......sorry I bothered .........and thanx for nothing 

You haven't asked for any advice or anything so what are we supposed to help you with? You just seem to be whinging about not getting dirty chat and nobody being interested in you. And here's why you're failing, you aren't observing what other people want and why they are on here.

Women don't exist to tend to your needs, that really is how you're coming across as here in this topic and this kind of thinking is always dangerous to women so we don't like it. Why would ayone welcome someone who seems inconsiderate of others boundaries and tries to *** people to do what he wants? Welcome anyway but i'm done until you ask for actual advice and figure out that if people aren't interested then you have to respect that. People have boundaries for a reason.

[Mz****]

Just received a pm from the OP, ranting at me and insulting the site and members, I'm done. Blocked.

[ey****]

ah, so the truth comes out.

for the best part, there's rarely any women sitting around anywhere just sat thinking "I wish a random guy would come and ask me to talk dirty, in a conversation I'll no doubt end up leading for him to wank over"

I mean, it might happen from time to time - but I guess, not really.

Just like "real life" getting to know people can be a long process - and it might be through rapport that things like dirty talk or whatever comes up quickly but there's never any incentive in a "wanna chat"

If you want sure fire dirty chat, then hop onto somewhere like AdultWork and pay-per-minute; then at least the person you're intending on using is getting paid for it.

[ey****]

Just now, MzJax said:

Just received a pm from the OP, ranting at me and insulting the site and members, I'm done. Blocked.

did you also hit report?  It'll send a message up

[ey****]

as a further... (mostly for the benefit of anyone reading/learning feeling they want to chat with people) "wanna chat" - well, hamburgers and milkshakes is chatting.  You wouldn't walk into a bar and sit with strangers and tell them you wanted them to change the conversation to accommodate you.

But, if you've got something to add to the conversation then you can get involved and then, maybe, there becomes a point when you can direct the conversation.

[BigPolly]

38 minutes ago, MzJax said:

Just received a pm from the OP, ranting at me and insulting the site and members, I'm done. Blocked.

Wow...so the reason people don’t reply is ‘he’s simply an arse’ 

you shouldn’t have to put up with that from anyone, hope you’re ok

[Mz****]

9 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

Wow...so the reason people don’t reply is ‘he’s simply an arse’ 

you shouldn’t have to put up with that from anyone, hope you’re ok

I'm fine, but thank you x

He just took his argument and repeated it, in that lovely manner shown above, then announced it was a shit site, full of fakes and etc etc etc blah etc. I gave him a mouthful back and blocked..I was annoyed he took it from here into my inbox is all.

[BigPolly]

1 minute ago, MzJax said:

I'm fine, but thank you x

He just took his argument and repeated it, in that lovely manner shown above, then announced it was a shit site, full of fakes and etc etc etc blah etc. I gave him a mouthful back and blocked..I was annoyed he took it from here into my inbox is all.

 Gone from being angry to using bully-boy tactics....nice 

[Carnelian2]

I find it difficult to go into a bar and talk to random people about random things. I know that, but I can still go to the bar and have a good time, as I enjoy being part of the group. I will then meet up with one or two people, that I chat with most of the evening. For this reason, I avoid chat rooms, and I am fine with it.

I send few messages as I mostly contribute to the forum and as much as sending messages to people you have never met before is like fishing without bait, occasionally we have a good conversation.

 

[ey****]

10 hours ago, BigPolly said:

 Gone from being angry to using bully-boy tactics....nice 

still, now just gone